Roll call 171

I am so sorry, Des. Maybe put that one down for a bit.

Welcome aboard, Paprika!!!!!!

My heart breaks reading this, Erti. Noone desrves that kind of abuse. Much love to you!!!!!!!!!

Check out some Thich Nhat Hanh. There is lots of it available online. It always helps me feel better. He is so practical and wise and is almost always happy. A hero of mine.

I am a fairly harecore Christian, but, I find the secular apsects of Buddhism massively useful to me. I recommend reading a bit about the fundamental precepts of Buddhism. They teach nonattachment and part of that is, of course, not attaching to oneself. All human beings are connected to one another, we are all a part of the same giant process of life. There is likely a very good reason almost all Buddhists are exceptionally happy like 96.836% of the time. They have much figured out about how to successfully operate on planet earth, in my humble view.

I always felt that Valium was the gold standard.

I trule, truly feel this in the depth of my soul maybe three times a month or so. I get it, I do. Living in the hospital could be so good for me in so many ways. My MI would be way, way better controlled there. Way better. Way more people around me. More help wiht ADLs. Help remembering medications. Games and activities with other patients. And then, the huge positive of living with other patients just like me.

When I am really struggling, I always want to go back to the hospital. Always.

with as much stuff I dealt with psych wards I find myself needing to go back and ignoring it until I'm on the edge of madness.

What therapy have you tried? I super luckily got cbt for psychosis and this was one of the first things we dealt with.....it’s been years so I don’t remember all of it but initially I felt like a failure but then I started seeing myself as like even more than ever, like that ginger Rogers quote about doing everything fred Astaire did but backwards in high heels.

It is but I don't want benzo brain

It's been raining here all summer and it rained all last summer so I'm gonna buy a tent to put out in the front yard. Should cost around 100-200 dollars. That will be good for the next two months when it's the warmest.. Maybe I can put a desk under it..

It's so comfortable here on PC that I kind of have agoraphobia but inside the interwebs. Afraid to go to the bad places.

Welp, zero sleep here tonight at 0321 hrs. Pacific Time. Oh well. Been researching the insanity defense in the EU for my book. Interesting how different this is over there. Four US states have now abolished the insanity defense, Utah, Montana, Idaho, and Kansas. Not surprising.

Really, here in the US, even in the liberal states, people who assert the insanity defense are still punished, often severely, just as though they had not, in fact, been insane at time of offense. So, they make it available, kind of, but really, they are still gonna punsih you just like pretty much any other person. The details will be different, but punished, you shall be. With an insanity "conviction," so they can use their most favoritest word in the lannguage--conviction.

This situation illustrates the confusion in the thinking. If you truly believed someone should not be held responsible for stabbing someone while psychotic, then, what is the need for punishment based on? How do those two add up? For me, they do not. It is confusion, playing both sides at the same time. Treatment? Sure, obviously. But punishment? Why? For what? As a deterrent? You think punishing a manic gal who ran naked down Broadway after God commanded her to is going to be deterred from doing that again because we arrest her? This shows you know not one thing about mental illness.

Anyhow, love and hugs!!!!!!!!!!

Locally this guy with schizophrenia a few years back beheaded a passenger on a bus. He was found not legally responsible due to a psychotic episode and was in the psych ward for a few years until he was released. Lots of people were pissed he was released but I feel bad for him.

Morning

I feel fine. Wearing my shoes already even tho haven’t showered yet. Wearing my shoes feels like it gives me more energy to walk than walking barefoot. Idk why but it does.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Almost wishing I had my therapy appointment online instead of in person. It’s gonna start raining the time I’m supposed to leave.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

ugh I've got to get the motivation going to go to the library. It's a looong walk though and it's hot out.

If u go, bring your water bottle. Fill it full and sip on it. Wear some good shoes with energy return in them. Basically comfortable and springy.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Omg so done with bleach. It scares me too much. No more at-home bleaching. Thing is, I all my hair colors I’ve had, I’ve at-home prebleached. Not anymore. Too scary. It freaks me out.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Went to the library and returned the books. On the way back I got myself an iTunes card for a reward.

I won't be able to get Maybelle this Friday, it can take up to 14 days to get the accommodation approved