Roll Call 172

Seems like you're going through a lot - Although you tend to be able to distract yourself well so it's likelier that your mood symptoms could be 100% because of the decrease in Thorazine - Which is unlikely I think - Idk if a decrease in medication can cause suicidal thoughts alone..

In the way where me for example.. was suicidal after drinking alcohol - Really badly. There was underlying causes as to why I was feeling that way. I drank alcohol again - BECAUSE I was suicidal. Then I processed the feelings and they went away.

Idk if this helps as insight or is useless. Take care of yourself. Throwing up isn't good for bulimia recovery - Can be triggering. It reminds me of how I am addicted sometimes to drugs and yet take medications - You have to think yourself out of it and use logic, feelings...

We're not always going to be perfect and the choices we make that we think are good will lead to bad results just like the bad choices we make can lead to good results - Less often than the former though but it still counts.

I usually get inspiration from you cuz idk what I'm quite confused but I noticed that you seem to be doing well, then stop meds and do bad. It's a cycle but eventually you can catch yourself with realization of habit like how people quit doing something when they're ready - In an opposite way. We're changing constantly. Need to dance with the chaos and move with it.

Many jinxes happen and me saying I jinxed you un-jinxes it. It's ok cuz we're all supportive and wants what's best for each other..

Seems like you're going through a lot - Although you tend to be able to distract yourself well so it's likelier that your mood symptoms could be 100% because of the decrease in Thorazine - Which is unlikely I think - Idk if a decrease in medication can cause suicidal thoughts alone..

In the way where me for example.. was suicidal after drinking alcohol - Really badly. There was underlying causes as to why I was feeling that way. I drank alcohol again - BECAUSE I was suicidal. Then I processed the feelings and they went away.

Idk if this helps as insight or is useless. Take care of yourself. Throwing up isn't good for bulimia recovery - Can be triggering. It reminds me of how I am addicted sometimes to drugs and yet take medications - You have to think yourself out of it and use logic, feelings...

We're not always going to be perfect and the choices we make that we think are good will lead to bad results just like the bad choices we make can lead to good results - Less often than the former though but it still counts.

I usually get inspiration from you cuz idk what I'm quite confused but I noticed that you seem to be doing well, then stop meds and do bad. It's a cycle but eventually you can catch yourself with realization of habit like how people quit doing something when they're ready - In an opposite way. We're changing constantly. Need to dance with the chaos and move with it.

Many jinxes happen and me saying I jinxed you un-jinxes it. It's ok cuz we're all supportive and wants what's best for each other..

Btw I’m not mad at SP or anyone. I promise. I just need a break. I haven’t been on social media much lately, either. I have so much going on. And I have so many people talking down to me for the various things I’m doing with my life. With the housing thing, and college, and just my books and everything. Some of it is in my head, the lack of self confidence, and I can’t help but feel like a failure to my mom and other people.

Sorry to worry you guys. I think I’m fine. Maybe not. The stress is getting to me physically and slightly mentally/emotionally, but I’ve got it under control for now.

Thanks!

So, just in case you guys were wondering...

As I explained to SP...

The price of that school (Harvard Extension School) is the same cost as a regular public university. Because it’s taken online. I looked it up and apparently anyone can apply but getting actually accepted is the hard part. As with any university or college.

It’s not Harvard college but it’s one of the 12 or 13 degree-granting schools at Harvard University. Which the typical Harvard is part of and is one of the schools. Along with the law school, business school, medical school, etc

The reason it’s cheaper is because it’s online and it’s for non traditional students. Students who already have careers/families. But they do offer bachelors degrees.

And it’s actually not 100% online. You have to take so many classes in person at Harvard College to finish. So apparently I’ve read people travel to and from Cambridge.

Anyway. I’m only in stage 1 of the application process which is very strict and strenuous.

How is the SI stuff, Blue?