Roll Call 172

[QUOTE=newtus;6900216]Me or Blue?

The Invega Sustenna 150mg every 3 weeks and olanzepine 5mg every night has made my psychosis almost non-existent.

The reason I get dp/dr is because of the psilocybin overdoses. I find it weird that I tend to have a lot of cormobidity in mental illnesses. It makes me think that I'm a hypochondriac - But my only diagnosis is being on the schizo-autism spectrum - Which is one hell of a whack to the mind.

My microdose capsules arrived and I'm not going to use them because of the dp/dr (It will make that worse). My brain is still trying to process the trauma of my bad trips. Will it lead to benzo dependency? I hope not. Benzos seem to be the only things that help -

- Also Vyvanse helps. I've never had dp/dr while on Vyvanse. Only when it wears off.. I start staring blankly into space and have maladaptive daydreaming.

It's all a mess and what I need to do is just write or talk about it - But it's really tiring. I just need a break. I try to distract myself but can't "do things". My doctor says I need to think less and just do - But that's really hard for me..

I'm feeling pretty good right now. I'm focused and calm. But when night time rolls around, I have to prepare myself for horror. I'll go to sleep at 12-1am tonight cuz I'm scared when 2am hits where I could have a panic attack.

My panic attacks are so unbelievably horrifying because they don't go away unless I take a benzo. I just panic for hours. I wonder how long they actually last without taking one - 24 hour panic attack? Idk... Everything becomes one and I hear voices in my head (Dissociative ones).. So I guess ketamine isn't a good idea.. I get scared of people laughing and trying to harm me also fearing that my cat knows, etc..

It's like a seizure but being conscious. But I'll be ok. I'm gonna figure out what I want to do today and just distract myself.

My mouth still hurts. Ugh.

Oh, me. Yeah, really hypo and no sleep for 35 hrs. Super sorry. Trying to be safe and no email or texts or shopping or leaving apt. Trump cops arresting people here. I have an insanity pleading on record. Wld be bad. Posting and here cuz u guys know me and accept me when I am like this. Really sorry if I am annoying you, newtus

[QUOTE=bpcyclist;6900217]

U, my friend. I’m worried about you

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I hate when I like (platonically) someone more than they like me. Not that it has to be equal like, but when it is heavily unequal it is bothersome. It makes me feel bad about myself for some reason. Even though there's not really a reason why I should...that I can think of.

That's a long time with no sleep. Sorry you are hypo. But we do accept you however you are. HUGS Kit

Wow that mug brownie was decadent. I feel so full like I don't even need dinner

Esther, my cat, is doing better now that she's been on the antibiotics a few days. Her eyes look more clear and she seems to have more alertness in her. A little more spunk!

After 36 hours awake, I start to get microsleeps. I can't stay awake for very long because I always need a loott of sleep.

I need a lot of sleep too. At least 8 hours to function which is what I usually get when I work, but when I am not working I get more like 10 or 11 hours of sleep. Then I'm optimal!

Bipolar disorder and schizoaffective disorder are basically szr disorders.

Dude, u r what I would call all over the place pretty often--kinda not totally stable, honestly. Like me, really. I think u can do better. I just want u to feel better.

Oh no no no

I’m just worried about you, my friend!

Be safe

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

U r so sweet, Kit--thanks

[QUOTE=newtus;6900223]Oh, thank u. Very sorry if I am annoying u.

I'll be mentally unstable as long as I'm in this environment and don't have a study room

My therapist randomly texts me. Something she started doing a few weeks ago. She never did it before. It's really strange. She texts me appropriate stuff like "thinking of you" or "hoping you are doing well" but it's still random and out of nowhere. Any one else's T ever initiate contact?

I felt strange not answering T's text so I texted her back and let her know about Esther, my cat.

She could be doing that to other patients as well cuz of the state of the world.

Good point Desoxyn. It just sort of freaked me out because she just started it a few weeks ago and I didn't understand why. It just seemed random to me. T can be random sometimes but sometimes I worry about her. I also don't want to be dependent on the texts and then have them suddenly stop. Bewildered mostly.