Roll Call 173

Going on another walk later

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Problem with the creative trades....writing art etc is you typically need to compromise in order to sell something.....

I think I'm gonna start requesting stuff from the library so I have incentive to go on walks more often to go pick up my stuff.

True to some extent. I feel it also has to do with networking and exposure. Getting good networks and good exposure, and you can do almost all of what u want to do artistically. Get big enough and u can do it all.

I think the big thing with me and the great thing maybe, is unlike a lot of people my age or younger trying to make a few songs or books or whatever and spend some time on promotion on social media in hopes of becoming famous.....
....I’m more that I just write my heart out. Not purposely, which is weird. I absolutely cannot write like MAKE myself write. I can’t make myself do anything with depression/anxiety etc mental health issues.

It’s the hypomania and rare mania that keeps me writing. That and my compulsions that my therapist says I have a lot of. She says I have really bad compulsions. I agree.

If I’m hypo and I start writing, I can’t stop. That’s why I bought that book called hypergraphia. I could swear I have that issue. Many times I find it hard to stop writing. And then there are my down days.

What I was gonna say tho is, I think the good thing about me is that my focus isn’t necessarily at being at the top of the chain but rather spreading wide. Spreading my work widely instead of looking up. Because I’ve tried to be at the top and it’s a standstill to get there. But when I work “outwards” I’m seeing all these people come to ME.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

4,295 steps so far today. (went on 2 walks) That's a lot more physical activity than I normally do. I'd like to get back to doing over 10,000 steps a day but I'll have to work my way up to that. It says I got 6 hours 2 minutes of sleep last night and has a lot of in depth details about that too

Good morning. Took clozapine at 6am with cogentin, woke up 10am anxious. Feeling ok now.

Erti, I struggled alot w psychosis and a bunch of meds. Trilafon at just 2 mg tid has beena miracle for me. Might check it out.

Hugs.

might need to go to hospital

Seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow

Frustrated and anhedonic as usual.

My whole body aches from standing up all morning. I did a lot of work it was busy. It hurts especially where I got the injection.

@newtus. I think that you are in hypomania - But it's a type of hypomania that is produced by planning, meaning, inspiration, etc..

Idk if you'll crash. If you don't, make sure that you're taking your antipsychotic so you don't fry everything out - Make sure you take breaks and be mindful about the whole thing.

I remember being euphoric on many drugs... I've had wonderful times just contemplating and analyzing my thoughts and feelings.. I don't remember though. I would write memory journals and such but I have no motivation.

I can't make myself write poems or anything ever. It just comes as something that I attempt 1-3 times a month out of habit.

Remember, if you feel a crash - That doesn't mean that it's over. It could just be a break of depression within the hypomania - Making you doubt life, etc.. Or what someone has said to you.. The jet fuel still burns no matter what.

The pain is going away. I took 400mg of ibuprofen and 8mg of codeine/300mg acetaminophen.

Idk why I'm so inflamed all the time. Lack of deep sleep.

thoughts being read

Thank you

Yea you’re right it’s hypomania produced by inspiration and motivation. I see or read something or hear something and a million ideas come to my head.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

No, falcs. They aren't. That is your illness playing tricks on you.

Hugs.

I'm so tired I can't even think straight. I slept 6 hours last night but with the meds I'm on I require at least 10 hours. I feel horrible. I hope I don't sleep through my appointment tomorrow. I need to be up and ready to go by 10.

I’m sorry bb. Can u take a nap or a series of naps this evening to counteract the tiredness for tomorrow? Idek if that’s possible. Jw.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I need at a good 10 hours of sleep every night as well on these meds. I'm getting like 6-7 on my work days.

I could go to sleep now but it's too early.

I tried lying down again and had to put pillows under my back so my heart isn't beating so hard - I accept my fate that I damaged my heart with stimulant abuse (Even though my heart has been tested).. Idk maybe it's the nicotine gum in combination with the Vyvanse and alprazolam/phenibut withdrawal.

anxiety out the *** again... I don't feel safe for some reason.