Roll Call 175

I feel empty 😞

I feel empty too

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Slept in until 8:20am and got to work by 9am. Slow day - Was bored. Got home, showered, did chores..

I had no OCD thoughts at work today. The thoughts would come and immediately go away.

I took a Dexedrine and ashwagandha so I'll either read or lie down like yesterday. I might go for a hike if my mom is going after work.

I'm ok.. Content and aware..

You know what’s weird

I know money doesn’t mean much, having grown up with a lot of it. I mean mean much in the way of happiness. But, I feel empty without it.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I posted this on fb just now:

Fiancé and I were talking about Christmas catalogs. He said he used to get the Toys-R-Us catalogs when he was a kid. I said I got the Neiman Marcus catalog as a kid. He said he saw all the coolest toys, and I was like “There were Aston Martin’s, designed by celebrities, in the back of the Neiman Marcus catalog. You could go out to lunch with like warren buffet.”. Omg I didn’t realize how spoiled I was as a kid. I got to choose stuff from that catalog. Takes me back.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

You both are worth more than meeeee

jkjk you're both great though! I need to find that "Existential bacteria" or what ever @ 12am that was spot on made me laugh.

I watched tutorials for calligraphy. I want to learn that too. But I’m getting painting supplies and crocheting set next month. So I’ll get the calligraphy set in two months I think. I don’t know why I suddenly want to learn these art things. It makes me happy is all I know. I painted for 7 hours today and it was really relaxing. Once I was done though I started feeling empty.

Did I send you that? I already forget R.I.P. memory. Can you please send me the link once you find it?

@SlumberKitty, I searched the tools for knitting/crocheting and there are so many type of threads :O Which one does people usually use for a table cloth?

Why am I so tired today

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I feel so fckn empty, man. Wtf.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I don't want to do anything. I literally lied down for 3 hours and stared at the ceiling.

I had a reckoning with reality today while I was driving. It just hit me how bad this year has been and I had a good cry. Anyway, we can only take so much as humans. I am grateful for the ability to let emotions out quite honestly.

Taking a break from social media for 2 weeks. Want to see how it affects my productivity and mood. Will be back on Halloween

Do you consider this social media?

Vape wild have gone out of business. So I had to ask my friend order from MBV. Coils and juice.

I had three new packs of coils but they were stolen. I wonder how much they get on the open market. So I ordered two more packs of coils and juice. I'm out of almost everything from VapeWild. Except the small 10ml they sent like 3 of on every order. They have given 30ml of juice free on every order!!!!! Maybe that's why they're out of business. But the little bottles contain anywhere from 6 to 0 mg of nicotine. Intended mainly for ppl whose tanks go through a 10ml fast, I think. Sub ohm.

Anyway, my friend opened it accidentally yesterday and hopefully will have sent it on to me. I'm worrying about additional theft. I want my vape juice very badly.

The cigarette fantasies brought back the bitter smell of smoke and ash trays. So I want my vapes more. I'm so sick of lockdown. I want to go home.

And there's the gross yellow stain that gathers on the walls around picture frames and mirrors and clothes, on record albums and CDs, on my poor desk tops, on my beautiful jewelry, on my fingers. The awful grime. I've been watching TCM 24/7 and amazed that actors and actresses, in beautiful formal wear, are puffing away in these gorgeous gowns. I did see a couple of films in which the actress uses a cig holder, and that almost solves the stained fingers and nails. But not the awful yellow teeth. Gorgeous actresses actually willingly having tar all over their teeth! Amazing.

Bette Davis was a chain-smoker and you never get a real close up of her teeth or fingers. And she agreed to some really funky makeup in her 1960s roles so I don't know why she was shy about her teeth being brown. In Now, Voyager you can't keep up with the smoking for a smoking game. If you try a drinking game on it you'll be under the table by the end of the movie.

Oh well. I need my vape. I keep realizing that I can't inhale my vape here until weeks pass and it's an awful, desperate feeling.

One of my roommates makes annoying vocal sounds in her sleep, it's just another thing here.

Is this going to be like March where you think there can't possibly be a 2 week lockdown except it turns into another two weeks, and another, and another and another and 3 months have gone by. They tested me a few days ago and then again yesterday. I lost my sense of taste. I can taste things kind of but not like it was. I'm not that worried because I don't really have other symptoms. Please let me vape! Universe, please let me vape!

Good morning all. I had an emotionally draining day yesterday but I'm back at it today. Just going to write a lot, maybe go to a writing meetup (in a park, socially-distanced). So life is good.

Can you describe this feeling in more detail for us? I feel this wsy most of the time. Hugs.

Needless Markup. Yay!