Roll Call 175

bpcyclist · Oct 19, 2020 at 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I feel as if I was born yesterday. I can never sit still - I'm always cleaning, working or planning. I'm so uncertain and in a state of near panic all the time.

The trip woke me the hell up to just under the level of awareness of the average normal person. So I have to work really hard to get to levels that I don't even care about.

I'm not sure about anything - What I want to do and not do, how to react, how to feel. A lot of this has to do with the person on the video chat and what he said to me. I'm traumatized. It's life's sick joke to be a "gifted child" and end up with depression and schizophrenia - To also fry my brain on drugs. I feel like a fraud now.

My grandmother on my dads side phoned me. We talked for a bit and she was asking about my life - Like what I was doing with my money (I said I was buying things on Amazon) and she said "What things?" and I didn't have a clue - I can't access my thoughts.. They all have to be written down. I don't want to impress anyone - I want to be myself and do the things I want but it seems like everyone else is already 10 steps ahead of me. It's wrong to compare but I'm literally comparing myself to every single person on the planet that has at least some common sense that I don't have. I was really really depressed I can't believe it.

I had to take a clonazepam because the phone call disturbed me.

I would really like you to try to begin recognizing when you judge yourself. You do it a lot. What is that about? Where might these feelings about you be coming from?

bpcyclist · Oct 19, 2020 at 08:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

I'm a dirty slut.

???

This makes me feel sad. Why would you say something so mean to yourself? We have all done things we are not super proud of. I have plenty!!

Hugs. Stop saying mean things about yourself to yourself. It is bad for your brain.

SlumberKitty · Oct 19, 2020 at 11:37 AM

Hi everyone. Just checking in. Doing okay. Started decorating my office at work for Christmas. I know it's early but I don't care. I just got a pom pom roll and put it up around my window. I'll probably put a little tree up in November. I bought one specifically for my office. The pom pom doesn't look really Christmasy as it is green and pink and purple and blue. Really bright. I like it.

My friend died this morning. He was older but he has young kids. Like IDK six and under. Left behind a wife too. I'm sad.

unsure123 · Oct 19, 2020 at 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Hi everyone. Just checking in. Doing okay. Started decorating my office at work for Christmas. I know it's early but I don't care. I just got a pom pom roll and put it up around my window. I'll probably put a little tree up in November. I bought one specifically for my office. The pom pom doesn't look really Christmasy as it is green and pink and purple and blue. Really bright. I like it.

My friend died this morning. He was older but he has young kids. Like IDK six and under. Left behind a wife too. I'm sad.

Sorry for your loss.

SlumberKitty · Oct 19, 2020 at 11:39 AM

Oh and my friend in NC tested positive for Covid 19 on Friday. First person that I know that actually got Covid. She says her symptoms are mild right now but I am still worried.

SlumberKitty · Oct 19, 2020 at 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unsure123

Sorry for your loss.

Thanks unsure

Desoxyn · Oct 19, 2020 at 01:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I would really like you to try to begin recognizing when you judge yourself. You do it a lot. What is that about? Where might these feelings about you be coming from?

I don't normally judge myself. I never have. I've just been raised by two severely toxic "parents" (My mom who has histrionic personality disorder and ex step dad who has narcissistic personality disorder). My mom ignored me and praised him while he didn't see anything good in me and always put me down and gaslighted me every time I stood up for myself. All I did was chores every day for years - I never even used the internet or talked to anyone in real life most times. I had no friends. I was severely isolated - Then I started having positive symptoms of schizophrenia.

The 10 minutes of talking to the owner of a video chat room was one of the worst times. He said I would end up as a serial killer so I should "Get a dog" and everyone else was like "Yeah get a dog". **** them.

My mom, ex step dad and my real dad are all alcoholics. I didn't stand a chance.

Blue_Bird · Oct 19, 2020 at 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

Do you consider this social media?

Not really, I guess I just wanted a break from the internet with the exception of Netflix and Youtube. But I'm back already, it's too lonely not having people to talk to.

Blue_Bird · Oct 19, 2020 at 01:49 PM

Sorry for your loss Slumberkitty and I hope your friend recovers soon

newtus · Oct 19, 2020 at 02:12 PM

Welcome back bb!

Blue_Bird · Oct 19, 2020 at 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Welcome back bb!

Thanks!

Blue_Bird · Oct 19, 2020 at 02:25 PM

Waiting on my Manic Panic hair dye to get here, it's out for delivery

Desoxyn · Oct 19, 2020 at 02:39 PM

Everything be killing my black soul

Desoxyn · Oct 19, 2020 at 04:19 PM

Good day today for me =]

newtus · Oct 19, 2020 at 04:48 PM

Good day for me too

cogladaid · Oct 19, 2020 at 04:57 PM

Work is work. Studying is studying. Exam on Halloween.

I’m impatiently waiting to hear back about the job posting. It’s only Monday though. Just hate waiting.

Desoxyn · Oct 19, 2020 at 06:27 PM

My mom is exercising on the cycling bike.. She has heart conditions and won't listen!

Blue_Bird · Oct 19, 2020 at 07:26 PM

Ugh I slept till 1:30pm today. I set my alarm for 7:45am but I just ignored it and went back to sleep. Don't know if I'll be able to sleep or not tonight. Might as well stay up and reset my sleeping schedule.

My delivery was attempted at 7:05pm tonight but they couldn't get in the building. Security was probably up doing something else and didn't open the doors. so it's going to be re-delivered tomorrow.

Desoxyn · Oct 19, 2020 at 07:37 PM

Turned on the xbox but it needs an update! (4GB)..

I could play PS4 - I downloaded one game there but most games I have are for xbox and I can't find my PS4 games. My mom is using the PS4 for her cycling work out CD.

But now there's gonna be a PS5? Idk maynnn

But I seem to be doing pretty good if I want to play games. I'm very mentally stable =]

newtus · Oct 19, 2020 at 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Turned on the xbox but it needs an update! (4GB)..

I could play PS4 - I downloaded one game there but most games I have are for xbox and I can't find my PS4 games. My mom is using the PS4 for her cycling work out CD.

But now there's gonna be a PS5? Idk maynnn

But I seem to be doing pretty good if I want to play games. I'm very mentally stable =]

That’s great!!!

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Roll Call 175

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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Oct 19, 2020 at 11:39 AM #805 Oh and my friend in NC tested positive for Covid 19 on Friday. First person that I know that actually got Covid. She says her symptoms are mild right now but I am still worried. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,740 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Oct 19, 2020 at 01:49 PM #809 Sorry for your loss Slumberkitty and I hope your friend recovers soon __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	Oct 19, 2020 at 02:12 PM #810 Welcome back bb! __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,740 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Oct 19, 2020 at 02:25 PM #812 Waiting on my Manic Panic hair dye to get here, it's out for delivery __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,985 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Oct 19, 2020 at 02:39 PM #813 Everything be killing my black soul
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,985 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Oct 19, 2020 at 04:19 PM #814 Good day today for me =]
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	Oct 19, 2020 at 04:48 PM #815 Good day for me too __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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cogladaid Elder Member Since Jul 2015 Location: Nowhere Posts: 5,565 8	Oct 19, 2020 at 04:57 PM #816 Work is work. Studying is studying. Exam on Halloween. I’m impatiently waiting to hear back about the job posting. It’s only Monday though. Just hate waiting.
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,985 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Oct 19, 2020 at 06:27 PM #817 My mom is exercising on the cycling bike.. She has heart conditions and won't listen!
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,985 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Oct 19, 2020 at 07:37 PM #819 Turned on the xbox but it needs an update! (4GB).. I could play PS4 - I downloaded one game there but most games I have are for xbox and I can't find my PS4 games. My mom is using the PS4 for her cycling work out CD. But now there's gonna be a PS5? Idk maynnn But I seem to be doing pretty good if I want to play games. I'm very mentally stable =]
	Reply With Quote