Roll Call 177

They put the tree up in the lobby, but they haven't decorated it yet. They do have little fairy lights on it for now.

Craving a cigarette. The last time I smoked one was at some point in June. I really enjoyed it, which was weird because early in my vaping life every time I rolled myself a smoke, it was bitter and tasted like poison. That's how they tasted everytime I tried one, until the last one in spring. And they tasted so bad that becoming hooked on cigarettes wasn't a concern. But it might be different now.

Plans for tomorrow include: shower, taking a long walk, cleaning/organizing, doing some laundry, and watching Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

My tv has been out of service since Tuesday. I hope they can fix it. I'm so thirsty. I guess I'll make a giant glass of grape koolaid.

Bf has been out his normal personality lately....I feel like sometimes we don’t see that stuff in ourselves. He’s been snappy and keeps wanting to change jobs. Anyway after getting in some hallmark movies I think he’s doing better. I’m not sure if it’s covid or what but I’m glad we found something he can look forward to.

Hallmark movies always put me in a good mood too

Organized the drawer on my nightstand, it was such a mess before. It looks much better now, so does the cabinet underneath.

I'm going to start trying to eat vegetables at every meal, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't eat enough of them

I went home this afternoon. So glad to be at home again. Been having a smooth recovery from what I can tell. Will do a check up on December 3rd.

I think I'm gonna get one of those sun therapy lamps sometime. It's gloomy here in NY usually from late October till sometime in March. It might be helpful for mood

So we got one of those cook from frozen turkey breasts....final vote:meh
I cooked according to directions but it hit like 200 degree instead of 165.....yikes.....it’s not exactly dry but still tastes weird somehow.....

Had my job interview today. I think it went very well. Hopefully they choose me for the role. I’m excited for it.

Fingers crossed

Good luck!

Had a souped up turkey sandwich....on French bread with gravy lettuce tomato mayo and mustard.....th turkey isn’t so bad after all.

I am doing a lot better today. Yesterday was kind of concerned about the meds but today I have everything in order and am planning on going to class tomorrow.

Need 2 have an evening stimulant nap

Days are going by too fast... reaching closer and closer to the inevitable... death. Maybe I'll live forever until every human is dead. Every animal, every plants and I'll end up in a white room waiting until life begins again. My memories before then may linger as a kid but becoming an adult again I'll never remember the white room until it happens again.

90% of Xmas shopping is complete....

Yea 90 percent of mine is complete too.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Psychosis, solipsism, woke, fear - I've been there. Trauma can make this philosophy worse. Be kind to yourself <3

You deserve to have the bad memories erased and a good reality without so much horrifying suffering..

It's like shrooms.. The skull and decaying bodies - Flowers growing, then dying - All going in fast forward like that episode in Futurama where they sit in the time machine and press keep going into the future watching until the end of time...

I once thought of myself spending eternity in a grave where my heart was still beating. The moon shines over me and maggots eat me.. There's horrifying things but what matters is that you have to try and get yourself out of the state.. It will happen by wanting to change through fear or love, etc and time.

But anything we think is an illusion - All that matters is what psychiatrists consider as a "normal" state of consciousness (For us).. That's what we get to find peace in.. Just the medication developed to this point sucks and they need to make better ones.

What society and culture thinks and what we can decide to change about it depends on us. Art can be made, songs - Any creation..

Beautiful minded souls are either ignored, laughed at or dismissed as crazy, wrong, feared, misunderstood, etc..

#HonestThoughts

What meds are you on now?