[4psUche]

Hi all,

I'm 23 and finishing the last two semesters of undergrad. Last year I was diagnosed with Bipolar II after about 10 years of misdiagnosis.
From about age fifteen to now I have felt it progress in severity. When I first came to my university I had no trouble getting everything done no matter what miserable state I happened to be in. Now, it's a different story. I'm still maintaining A's, I'm still squeaking by on deadlines with a late assignment here or there, but I'm freaking out about it more than I ever have in my life.

Possible trigger:

By this I mean that I've gotten into full-blown boxing matches with my own body, I've wailed on a tree until my hand was covered in blood, torn out handfuls of hair, and punched myself in the face.

I get so angry anymore that I don't know what to do with the feeling. It's so intense and frighteningly immediate. I know that the worry and the overwhelmed, suffocated feeling that tight deadlines give me plays into the anger, but I don't know how to stop it. The professors are not exactly helping either. Because I'm normally what is considered "high functioning" for my condition, they assume that will be maintained. But it's progressing. And I'm on medication and I'm going to my appointments, but it just keeps getting harder and harder to work at the level that I used to. It seems, right now at least, that they're snubbing me where they used to be understanding. I feel that over time they've started seeing me as lazy and negligent. I can't reverse it and it hurts that the few people that I thought I had on my side are seemingly sick of my bs... I can't really blame them but I can't really change this either.
I guess I'm looking for other folks that have had this sort of experience. What did you do? I'm really worried that I won't be able to graduate if I don't get on the right meds quick enough (and this is my only option as minimum wage jobs tend to fire me within a week--for the mood not the quality of work). I'm open to friendly advice and conversation.

All my best,
M

[MickeyCheeky]

((((4psUche)))) I'm so sorry you're struggling. Do you see a therapist? Is there a school counsellor you could go to? Perhaps that would help. I'm sorry