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SoAn
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Default Oct 06, 2019 at 10:25 AM
  #1
Needed to vent

2 years ago, I started an interview project as undergraduate research, which due to health issues I got a few extensions for. Last semester/year was very turbulent again, and at some point, due to major depression, I also stopped taking responsibility for keeping in touch with supervisors etc to update them on how I was doing.

Because of this lack of communication (and because it took so long overall), I just heard that I am no longer allowed to hand in this project, which could have compensated for me graduating relatively old (late twenties) from a bachelor's degree, because then at least, it would have said 'undergraduate research' on my transcript, also on a topic that is very dear to me.

Just needed to get this out, it got me thinking about my lack of social support system / lack (not complete lack of, but little contact) of contact with parents/sibling / my own chronic illness because of which I tend to isolate myself, reducing friend circle and support / and how if some of this had been different, maybe I would have talked more and somebody would have said something encouraging or something for me not to take it too seriously and to just hand in SOMEthing, so that I would have at least passed.

so

needed to get that out

trying not to be too pessimistic about what this is going to mean for my future (I already graduate in a field that has no jobs - so this made me even less optimistic about my career chances)

any words or thoughts are so appreciated

Last edited by SoAn; Oct 06, 2019 at 12:58 PM..
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Default Oct 06, 2019 at 11:22 AM
  #2
@SoAn Supervisors tend to do that even with those who do not have mental illnesses but are not moving as fast as they would like. I was in my early 40s when I graduated with a BS. I also wrote an undergrad honors thesis and later published it in a peer-reviewed journal. Later, I had a falling out with that professor, so no LOR for grad school, despite my graduating Summa Cum Laude. It was largely due to my mental illness, but also the professor's mental illness, as he admitted.

The alternative option that many students take is finding a research mentor at another school or institution when you are ready, and then asking if you could be a co-author on a paper. Then do that again with a second person at the same or different institution. Once you get two papers published as a co-author, and two letters of recommendation, then you can apply to PhD programs. Otherwise, you can do a Master's and try again with research while there, and maybe getting that published as first author while being co-author on other papers. You can rebuild your recommendation pool that way, too.

You are young. You have time to heal, learn to manage your depression better, and prepare before going to grad school.

Many students seek those opportunities after graduating as an undergrad. It is how you use your time to prepare that counts. You can do it.
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Thanks for this!
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Default Oct 07, 2019 at 01:15 PM
  #3
Are your supervisor and department head aware of your illness? Are they aware of the full extent of it, or did you sort of downplay it in order not to alarm them too much or draw too much attention to yourself? I am not judging you. Just trying to clarify. Do you believe you are being discriminated against because of your illness?

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Default Oct 07, 2019 at 05:19 PM
  #4
Hello @bpcyclist ,

They are aware of my other chronic illness, but the problem is that at the time that everything played up (esp depression), I stopped keeping in touch with the board of examinors, counsellor (apart from my own psychologist which I did keep seeing ofc), etc. So, if I mention now that I didn't do that due to depression, that is too late. (They are generally very understanding, but you have to mention somewhat in time what is going on / that something is going on). On top of that, I had already received 3 extensions (long ones) for this project. So, I do not feel they are discriminating, really - although the unfortunate effect of depression can be dropping everything for a while, which I did, and that is, yeah, really unfortunate.

Thank you for your comment, it is also a good reminder not to do the things you mentioned, I will keep that in mind in and out of this situation.
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Default Oct 07, 2019 at 05:22 PM
  #5
@lillib thank you for your recommendations, at the moment I don't see if those would apply to me as well, I am in the humanities/social sciences, and I don't know if where I live, it can work that way. Nevertheless, maybe I just don't really have the overview of how these things work yet, and in a few months or when I am doing a Master's I'll come back to your comment and see how I can use it - I will try to keep my mind open for these kinds of possibilities, thank you!
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