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Delvere
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Default May 03, 2020 at 04:33 PM
  #1
Hello!
I am about to graduate university. All courses finished, all exams passed. The only thing left is master's thesis. And I am stuck with it! Already for few years!
I have already made my research for the thesis, everything I should do is just sit down and write! But I feel like I have hit glass wall, which I can't pass, and my hands refuse to write! I just stare at the computer screen and then I switch over to internet news, twitter etc. I procastinate instead of doing my work.
I had similar problems with bachelor thesis too, which actually took 10 years!

In general, I cope well with courses and exams, basically anything what is well supervised and has clear structure. But thesis writing is different process and I don't know why it creates such difficulties for me!

I don't know the exact reason for my problems with thesis writing, but I suspect it could something to do with my experiences in school. I was bullied (because of my looks) and also often beaten up (sometimes by up to 5 guys! And yes, I am female). I often didn't go to school, didn't want to do any homework... I actually hated everything that associated with the school! But ironically, I have been interested in science since childhood. I went to libraries when I didn't go to school. I made my own "excel" tables drawn on paper and pen, where I compared different parameters.

Because I wasn't stupid I didn't drop out of school and was able to graduate. I realised that science is my passion, so I went further to university. In general I coped with studies quite well, but I was in the beginning struggling with the homework part. Because I was used in ignoring homeworks. Sometimes I also didn't study for exams, because it was also something I was used to. My grades suffered. Normally in school I didn't care too much about grades, just took sure that they weren't too low beyond pass. And I also sometimes falsificated papers about grades in school, so that parents wouldn't worry too much. But in university I realised this is not an option. I realised that university is in my own interests. And also bullying stopped, I didn't encounter it anymore. So I started to discipline myself. Few years later I was the best student in my course! But then thesis writing came and I felt like it's like a homework, but without real instructions. And I got stuck with it for 10 years! And now the same with master's thesis!
I did finish bachelor's thesis though, when I got to know that I got conditional placement in master's programme.

What the heck is going on? My hands just refuse to write thesis? Why? When I am just about to write thesis my stomach starts to churn, I start to feel so stressed that I usually go to internet or go to eat to calm myself!

What is that thing that messes me up? Did I get PTSD because of constant bullying in school? Or is it something else?
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Default May 03, 2020 at 05:10 PM
  #2
By the way, I forgot to add that I've been to all sorts of consultation. I've visited study psychologist, "just simply" psychologist, psychoterapeutist and also psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist said that my main issue is low self-esteem. She didn't give me really "real" diagnoses or mental illnesses, it seems. But I do suspect to myself PTSD. Although I am not professional. I just sincerely doubt that mere low self-esteem can create such dramatic reaction to writing of master's thesis.
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Smile May 03, 2020 at 07:33 PM
  #3
I'm sorry I don't know the answer to your problem. But I certainly recognize it. I waited until the very last year I could finish my master's thesis to do it. My back had to be against the wall for me to finally make it happen. In my own defense I can say I had lots of other things going on... working full-time, helping to maintain a household, etc. But still... it would have been a lot better if I could have just knuckled down & done it to begin with instead of procrastinating for years... 7 to be exact as I recall.

By the time I finally decided I just had to finish my thesis, I was living in another part of the U.S. from where the graduate school I attended was located. When I wrote to the head of the department to ask about making the necessary arrangements, he wrote back (no personal computers back then) & one of the things he mentioned was that only a very small percentage of former students in my situation actually went on to finish their theses. (Yikes!) I am pleased to say, in the end, I helped to raise that percentage just a wee bit.

Perhaps a part of it was fear... fear that if I actually dug into it I'd find I couldn't do it... and then what? I'd be faced with the prospect of accepting I was just a failure. Part of it too was probably just there were a lot of other things I preferred to be doing rather than trying to write a thesis! After all... I had wood to chop for the winter!

Here are links to 8 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subjects of self-esteem, procrastination & self-sabotage. Perhaps there's something in these articles that can be of some help:

6 Tips to Improve Your Self-Esteem

Learn About Procrastination

Getting Help for Procrastination

Tips to Beat Procrastination

Procrastination: The Stalling Game Your Mind Loves to Play

https://psychcentral.com/blog/self-s...o-destruction/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/nlp/2...self-sabotage/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...self-sabotage/


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Default May 03, 2020 at 07:37 PM
  #4
You're not alone. But do you maybe think you CAN'T do it or don't deserve a Master's? It seems like those might be in keeping with not getting started and low self-esteem. Or maybe you are worried about getting done with school and starting a job or some such?

A know people who are "ABD's."' All But Dissertation.

Do you have an advisor? Maybe talking to that person can jump start you again. You can do it!

P.S. I have an advanced degree.
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Default May 03, 2020 at 09:19 PM
  #5
Hi, I'm currently in graduate school, and what has helped me write big assignments (not my thesis, at least not yet), but large assignments nonetheless, is setting a timer and committing a certain amount of time each day to complete work. I mean, after all, I wouldn't be in grad school if I weren't trying to improve some aspect of my skills that I don't have yet. So that's why I finally made the commitment to write for about 2 hours every day. It might be different for you, as for the amount of time you want to devote, and of course your process will likely be different than mine. But setting a timer and exclusively working on my papers for that period of time has really helped. It is good to simplify, especially in this world, when our lives are constantly being pulled in every different direction. Good luck!
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Default May 03, 2020 at 09:29 PM
  #6
I have this problem on a smaller scale. Here are some things that work for me:

Set a very small goal that can break loose the procrastination. For example, when I could not get started, I made a goal to write 3 sentences a day for a week. (They did not even have to be good sentences : ))

Ask someone to type what you say or use a dictation function (I think Word has one now). It can be easier to break the cycle if you just explain what you want to say to a person as they type.

Make an outline of 5 main topics that you want to talk about. Write 1-2 sentences under each heading.

Ask for editing help and send small batches to this person. For example, ask a friend to check your grammar on small one page writing sections.
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Default May 03, 2020 at 09:35 PM
  #7
It's hard to explain feelings which I encounter, when I try to write thesis. It's not about "deserving" or worrying about graduation as such (and getting job afterwards). And I don't doubt myself to such a degree that I wouldn't do something. Actually I've been lucky in one aspect - my parents have always believed in my skills. Even when I failed. It sure raises self-esteem by few points up.
I feel something like rage or anger when I have to write thesis. Like, why the hell nobody helps me, why am I abandoned etc. I know it's not entirely true, but I can't help my feelings.
My parents didn't believe at a time that I had so bad bullying in school, they thought it's nothing serious. So I stopped telling them about that. And started lying. I didn't get help I needed. I felt abandoned and betrayed. Now my parents have already apologised to me, they said that they didn't get the seriousness of situation then.

I have contacted advidor, supervisor etc. But they seem not to understand. I feel the need that they would really and truly supervise me, literally stand behind my back and watch me writing the thesis! And shout angrily, if I don't do something. At least I wouldn't feel lonely with my work. I guess it's all mostly about abandonment issues.
To make things more complicated, my mother is actually a researcher. Only she works in humanitarian field (linguistics, anthropology etc.), but I am in STEM field! So she can't really help me in my topic. Although she does roughly understand what I have to do. She has been offering me to switch sides and go to humanitarian field, social sciences. I tried, helped her in some project, and realised, hell no, that's not for me! I actually hated with passion work involving transcription and translation! But that's exactly what my mother is often doing!
So I stick with the STEM field and I want to get MsC degree.
Well, I am not totally abandoned yet I feel like abandoned...Sometimes I wonder why does it matter to me? But I can't ignore my feelings.

I guess I've been influenced also from my husband, who can't finish university at all (he is stuck with bachelor's degree). He suffers from depression. And he is that classical example of being afraid to finish and disbelief in oneself etc. And I am not like that. But surely my husband's example doesn't help me one bit. Sometimes I wonder whether it's also because of him I can't finish my studies. Sometimes I feel like he drags me down.
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Default May 03, 2020 at 10:41 PM
  #8
I'm sorry your advisors are no help. Would it be too late to change the topic--maybe to something that appeals more to you? And even to them? I picked a topic I knew my advisor was really interested in. That helped a lot.

I can understand having a depressed husband and how they can be tough to deal with. It could be a factor.

Would it help to talk to someone here about it? Lots of us have a lot of time to listen and some of us have advanced degrees.
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Default May 04, 2020 at 03:47 PM
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Yeah, I offered advice based on what I thought you might need help with, but it doesn't sound like productivity is a problem, is it?

It seems like your problem might be your relationship with yourself or with your studies? I am not sure.

Anyway, my MA is towards more of a humanities / social sciences discipline so I can't relate to the science part of it so much, except in knowing that it's a lot of work, ha.

Regardless, I'd venture to guess that if you did something to change your routine, perhaps you could get some work done... I wonder if getting some new perspective on it might help, too. Meaning talking to people about it, perhaps to your advisor or someone like that? Is there anyone you trust that you can talk to about this?
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Default May 06, 2020 at 11:58 AM
  #10
Quote:
I feel something like rage or anger when I have to write thesis. Like, why the hell nobody helps me, why am I abandoned etc. I know it's not entirely true, but I can't help my feelings.
Delvere, your challenge is an area I spend a lot of time researching and thinking about. I'm constantly looking out for tips, etc. After my current run of work contracts trail off in 2023 I am fantasizing about helping people Keep Calm and write the D*** Thesis.

There are actually several selves inside you competing for leadership. Reading through your posts I can spot possible 4 or 5. Even how you named this thread shows a competition of selves.

In my own experience I had several insights that propelled me on. I'll share them slowly so you can ask questions here and I add more detail—if that serves.

As the writing self wants leadership, I'll begin with how my writing self worked its way to the quarter and then semi-finals, and won the championship. In the meantime, all the other challenges and emotional states were not solved, but having found them out, I began to resolve some of them after finishing my degree.

The strongest thing that motivates me is wanting to live a life of virtue. Part of that is I keep promises—"my word is my guarantee." One day when I was stalled I happened to see a friend walking past my window. I shared my dilemma, and she said, "In college I used to volunteer to help people with their papers." Great, Let's set an appointment, and I'll show up in two weeks with what I have." We did, and you better believe I didn't call and postpone, cancel, or arrive empty handed. We did that for all my papers and the first draft of my dissertation!

Tip: Find someone to commit to bringing draft work to. Make an appointment. Then get busy so you don't let anyone down.

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Default May 18, 2020 at 10:40 PM
  #11
I am a retired university professor who had the pleasure of reading many of these types of assignments. Early on in my classroom instruction I tried to laid out the process of authoring a thesis on the front end. Yes, I said author! Because, after all, it is supposed to be an original piece of work which contributes to the field of study or discipline. I think you are suffering from what I call "scatter-brainitis." That is, without your professor's laying out just how a thesis is put together. You simply can't connect the dots. Then, when you realize the importance and magnitude of the project you freeze up, tune-out and find distractions (T.V. etc...). The best way to put a thesis together is to write papers for each of your core classes which will in the end contribute to authoring your final task. By coalescing the essence of you're papers you avoid the risk of plagiarism and have essentially already written your thesis. You just need to organize it, cite your sources and above all, enjoy it! It's like a shot - The anticipation is much worse than the actual event. Hope this helps!
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Default May 19, 2020 at 12:28 AM
  #12
My thesis was arranged in three parts so that made it a little easier. I think I took until the end of summer to finish and worked on one part each month. But to start I had a rough draft of the whole thing.

My problem was rewrites. The professor who was guiding me through the process had me rework and rewrite whole sections. I often didn't agree with her. But I could see if I didn't comply she would never sign me off. So there was a bit of a power play which I didn't like.


Much of my thesis contained Sanskrit words and that was difficult to format. I had a friend help me. This was years ago when computer programs weren't sophisticated.

I am sorry to say that although parts of my thesis were reprinted online...and it was used as a basis for a curriculum...it is all a dim memory. It wasn't my favorite project. It wasn't my best project. I was exhausted at the end of a vigorous three-year program.

My advice is set it up in a way that makes working on it easy...then bite the bullet. It doesn't have to be your best work, or perfect work. It has to be finished work.

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Default Jun 15, 2020 at 11:53 AM
  #13
Stumbled upon this site while researching dealing with a toxic collaborator. The tagline is: like the horse whisperer but with more pages. Very cool

Thesis Whisperer

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Default Jun 15, 2020 at 01:19 PM
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Ever ask yourself, "what would happen if I DID finish?"

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