advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-13-2020, 06:05 PM   #1
puzzclar
Elder
 
puzzclar's Avatar
puzzclar has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2010
Location: Where? US
Posts: 5,497
10 yr Member
101 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default What do you want from me????

I've had some extra studies to do, and the instructor wants more. It seems to me that she wants perfection. I'm not perfect, nor can I be. I am doing the best I can, and this instructor wants even more..... It seems like too much is working against me. When I read the email requesting another meeting to discuss another need, it felt like my heart breaking into thousands of pieces. I've struggled for 15, flipping years with this mental health crap. Being blaimed for everything that as happened. Yet I have been working my ***** off. I'm angry!!!!!

I'm scared, frustrated with not just myself, but my parents. I know I need healing but it seems like the instructor wants healing RIGHT NOW!!! Excuse me but it takes time. Behavior change happens one small step at a time. I can't rush through this. Stop telling me that I can't, and start believing that I can and will do everything in my power to be what you think I need to be. But deep down, that is violating some boundaries, just like my parents did. I"m not respected. I"m judged because of a diagnosis.... IT"S NOT FAIR!!! Don't blame this on me, and don't expect it to happen over night.

As a society, we need to change the view of mental illness.. Some of you may not agree but, the medical model is a HUGE waste of time when it comes to mental illness. I need, just like others, emotional stability and instead not enough people know about emotions and It remains hidden, like its something that is just bad, or wrong, or different.

Change happens slowly to be sustainable. My instructor seems to think that one assignment would be what I need, but I have news for her... It's daily consistent effort on identifying emotins. As assignment may start the process, but its' already started. What I am doing just doesn't seem enough. IT makes me think that I am not enough, which is NOT what I need.

NOw I don't know what to do to help others believe that change takes time. It's not a magic wand. Yet there is such a stigma that professionals have to be whole, complete, and a role model. It does help for some but others need to know that they are not alone.

Then there are the what if's that are flowing in my head, "what do I do to show them, what if I can't show them, Then what???" I have been questioning every turn of my education. And now, I wonder if I'm doing whats best for me, or if there is another motivation behind my actions/behaviors. My "mental illness" has controlled my life. And yet it's not just me, we as humans need to treat others better. To keep up the work ethic and get off the couch more... and yet here I sit on my couch. I"m just frustrated. I need to cook too. I need to study. But I just had to get this out. Mental Illness stigma needs to DIE!!
puzzclar is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:

advertisement
Old 10-15-2020, 04:59 PM   #2
puzzclar
Elder
 
puzzclar's Avatar
puzzclar has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2010
Location: Where? US
Posts: 5,497
10 yr Member
101 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: What do you want from me????

I feel like they are pushing me away from this degree. Like they don't believe in me. No flexibility in scheduling from anyone. I have questioned if I want this degree/career. I guess they are doing what I was doing.

I need to believe in myself. And convince everyone else. That's something I've never done.
puzzclar is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 11-03-2020, 10:50 AM   #3
puzzclar
Elder
 
puzzclar's Avatar
puzzclar has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2010
Location: Where? US
Posts: 5,497
10 yr Member
101 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: What do you want from me????

My confidence was shattered. I made some mistakes. I feel lost. And now I sent a message to a professor stating I can't talk today. I've never done that before. But after last night, I had too.
puzzclar is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:42 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.