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ShadowGX
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Default Aug 16, 2018 at 06:58 AM
  #1
That thing? Writing letters to the people who have been most significant to me (both good and bad) in my almost 30 years of life. Generally these types of things aren't sent out, but I chose to send 2 of 3 emails. 90% chance I will not get a response from those 2 people, but that's fine. I didn't send the emails to get conversation started again. I sent them to help me achieve true closure and in the event they do read the emails I wanted them to know some things. Birthday wishes are my excuse. One turns I think 28 today, the other turns 29 on the 26th - both very close to my own birthday, so I have no problem remembering them.

As for the 3rd unsent one, I'm still in the process of writing it, but it's probably the most important one. This particular person's actions define me so much currently, and not in a good way. I need to escape him, but I don't know how to do so. This is the only thing I can think of to help maybe because there's a lot I wish I could say to him. My main reason for not sending it is just because I don't want a response and I feel like he'd be the most likely to respond out of the others, but there's absolutely nothing he could say that would make me feel better about what he did to me. Even if he replied saying he was miserable and regretted what he did, it would just make me feel worse seeing his name in my inbox again.

One big step I took a couple years ago that I'm proud of myself for was paying back the $200 the 3rd one had lent me. I didn't have to do that after what he did to me, but I felt so empowered doing it. "I don't need your money" I got to say, "you don't get to have this on me". It felt good. I don't miss that money. Both that and the letter are big steps to forgiving him, and as much as he hurt me and it will be hard to do, I need to forgive and try to forget. I cannot let his actions define me anymore.

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ShadowGX
Poohbah
 
ShadowGX's Avatar
ShadowGX is rawr
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 1,114
5 yr Member
754 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 16, 2018 at 07:43 AM
  #2
I've decided to post the unsent letter here. I think it might help all the more to have it out there. Maybe it can inspire others to do similar too.

---

Hey. You're probably quite surprised to be hearing from me after so long. Well, I've got some things I wanted to say. Whether you care or not doesn't matter. I'm going to say them anyways.

I've decided to forgive you. Yup, you read that right. It doesn't excuse what you did, but I shouldn't have to suffer anymore caught up in being unable to trust other people who do care just because of you, a selfish prick who was heartless enough to use someone who cared deeply for him. I've been robbing myself of better experiences with better people and I'm not going to do that anymore. You don't get that power over me. I'm taking it back.

I do have one thing to thank you for. I learned an important lesson from you. I learned I need to trust my gut more and not ignore red flags out of desperation. I will never settle for someone like you again. When you said you were ashamed of me and didn't want anyone to know about us, that should have sent me running for sure, and that wasn't the only red flag either. It seems so obvious in hindsight, how could I think it was a good friendship? Friendship... That's not what it was. Friends don't use each other in the way you used me. Friends don't treat each other as disposable or "when I have nothing better to do". Friends sure as hell don't prioritize sex over anything else in their relationship... We weren't friends, just two people desperate for comfort and finding it in the wrong place.

I genuinely hope things are going well for you, though. I hope you wised up and moved on from that horrible woman and found yourself someone decent, but that you treat that person with the respect and kindness she deserves. I hope you learned from myself and your other past relationships. I hope you managed to escape working under your brother and left Florida like you wanted. Most importantly, I hope you've grown up.

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