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Member Since Jul 2018
Location: San Diego
Posts: 53
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#1
Hi all,
I wanted to see if anyone else could relate to this. Is anyone afraid to get better? I have done a lot of work these past years - one-on-one counseling with a psychologist, medication, group therapy, and on and on... I feel like I am almost where I want to be. But I am afraid of being happy. And I don't know why. Maybe because I'm not used to it? Or because if I am "better" I really won't belong with my family at all? I really can't pinpoint what it is. Can anyone else relate? |
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Miryuiki, Skeezyks
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#2
Well... I don't know if I can relate to this in particular. But then I've never done all of the stuff you've done in an effort to heal. For me, at this point, it simply doesn't feel worth the effort. Plus I seriously doubt it's even possible. Some things simply are what they are. And then also there's the question of what would it look like if I did "get better". I can't really fathom what that would look like. So, all-in-all, I don't know if you would call that being afraid... or just too worn down to care. Either way that's the way it is for me.
__________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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Member
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: San Diego
Posts: 53
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#3
Quote:
Yeah, I know what you mean about not even knowing what "better" would look like. Never having had it modeled by people around me, really, it just feels different and weird! I think it's definitely possible, though, for myself and for you as well! |
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Skeezyks
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: USA
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#4
For me I've found that I'm afraid to get better in some way because I'm afraid that it would only be temporary and whatever made me happy would go away and I might be right back where I started or worse off.
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Miryuiki
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Member
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: San Diego
Posts: 53
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#5
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I definitely have that fear too, that if I don't keep "control" I'll go right back to my lowest point. It's hard to have faith in myself... |
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ShadowGX
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Member Since Aug 2016
Location: USA
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#6
I as well. I've had depression on and off. When meds would work for a bit then stop.
But my main problem is dealing with all the destruction of my life when the cloud actually lifts. Like where do I start to fix all the neglect if my goals and relationships and other things I didn't even think about or was aware of when I was sick. It was so overwhelming! Part if me just wanted to deslove back into the darkness and not worry about it. I was lucky to be in therapy during allot of those brief times. Definitely had to take some anxiety meds though when I was healthy just to cope. |
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BettysGranddaughter
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#7
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the thing I am afraid of most about getting better is, what would I do with myself? if I woke up tomorrow mental illness free, what the **** would I do with myself? it's not like I've got any plans to fall back on or any qualifications, or indeed any family/ friend support, I've had mental health problems since I was 9- and my life's been built around that as it were. I've barely had any experiences of people half my age... I would be so scared |
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BettysGranddaughter
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#8
to add to it, it would be like
so here it is, you're mental illness free, your life is as before you were diagnosed- now what will you do? last time I remember being mental illness free I was ****ing 8 just an innocent child |
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Member
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: San Diego
Posts: 53
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#9
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LOL, right??? Exactly! I'm supposed to be "normal"? I imagine myself having to decline all these party invitations or something Plus, I'd have all this extra time if I wasn't in my own head so much. |
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Member
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: San Diego
Posts: 53
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#10
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Do you think the problems that you "neglected" during down periods really are so serious, or that you just imagine them to be? I tend to catastrophize everything and imagine problems are bigger than they actually are. |
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Member
Member Since Aug 2018
Location: Winnipeg
Posts: 48
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#11
I think a lot of us can relate. I think humans always become comfortable with the status quo. The unknown is always scary (and scary is a whole different level with mental illness). Depression in particular has an aspect of comfort. It's hard to describe to others but I always think of anxiety as the active side (where you are actively afraid of what might happen) but depression is the point where everything is so bad it can't get worse. There is a strange comfort in knowing that there is absolutely nothing that could be worse.
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BettysGranddaughter
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