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Old 07-22-2019, 06:19 AM   #1
schmety
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Default lack of determination

Hi there !
I'm new to this forum.
I was searching on net, where can i share my story, emotions, thoughts.
Do you have similar experiences, suggestions, what would you do ...

I'm in late 40's, single, living in a house with my brother and occasionally lives my mother here to, cause we have another house-vineyard at different location and she lives mostly there.
Father pasted away few years ago, lung cancer.
So, in this house, we were living from my birth. Also my grandparents did, but long time ago.
I also have a brother, which he was living in another place before.
Now, me and my brother inherit this house and we are living together.
I'm upstairs and he downstairs.
He also have a girlfriend and two dogs.
They live together now in our house.
I don't have anything against them, but ....
First, i have a job, i'm working in casino, almost 23 years now, yeah, i know,
already too long. I'm working a lot with negative people and energy. I'm very emotional, so i absorb that energy a lot. Again, why i'm still there ?
Well, it's close to my house, so i don't bother with traffic and so on.
And the years go by so quickly.
I'm working in three shifts. Sometimes mornings, afternoons , at nights and so on... mixed.
I have very shallow sleep. I need silence, that's the most important.
Where is the problem ?
Dogs.
It's so irritating. They are also living in house with my brother. I never wanted a dog, i like nature and animals a lot, but not in my house and there are two ! I know, they are not guilty to be dogs, but makes my life much different than before.
I came from night shift, if i'm lucky, maybe they'll not bark, maybe they will, but i hear them very quickly and so, here goes my sleep. That's last year and a half now. I didn't buy in my life earplugs, now i did, didn't helped a lot. I didn't go to my doctor for sleeping pills in my life, now i did, didn't helped, but i don't take them anymore, cause i don't want to eat that.
But i'm polite, don't say anything. What can i say ? They will not remove dogs from the house. They are their pets.

I'm thinking to quit my job, go to live in another place, maybe at my mother's house, but it's different location, i need to find different job, i need money every month to pay bills.

My thoughts are like hurricane. One day i'm thinking it's ok, but i know it's not, next time i'm irritated and angry about everything.
Also at job, years of working with people and not ideal environment makes me angry, unhappy too. My coworkers are mainly fine, more people which i'm working with.

I even get sick in year 2011, i had lymphoma, i'm fine now, probably cause of that much of stress, i was in bad relationship, stress at work and everything, probably makes me sick, can't say, even doctors can't say, why you have specified illness, but i felt why. Or is really genetics, hm.

And still , i didn't change anything, still going to the same job.
Why is so hard to change everything ?
I'm single, i don't have partnership worries, i can go whenever i want.
On other side, i like nature which which surrounds me.
I go to nature a lot, walking, running, fresh air, i need balance, between stress at work, at home.
I like area where i live. But that's just when i'm outside. Back at home, no.
What makes me unhappy is that i have such a BIG lack of determination.
Fear to do anything better for me. To stand by myself. No. I'm weak.

Like in relationships before, i knew it's bad relationship for me, but no, i was staying another yeas in bad relationship before happened the end.
I was really choosing bad partners so far or maybe i'm that bad in relationships and that's not for me.

Then i thought , yeah, i want to be some time single, i'm really more happy and calm, nah, like i ordered troubles, now i have them.

Some troubles are just in our heads, ofcourse, we can do something about it.
I have hobbies, music producing, photography ... but i'm not calm anymore, so, now it's ironic, it's opposite, i like to go to work , even if i'm not happy there, but thoughts are there, not at home.

Life is so strange, we want to be simple, but it's not.
What should i do ? Should i completely change environment ?
I like to be alone with myself, i was always like that. I like silence.
To have quite place and do whatever i want.
And the years go by ....
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Old 07-22-2019, 05:28 PM   #2
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Hello schmety: Since this is your first post here on PC... welcome to Psych Central.

I'm sorry I don't think I can advise you regarding what you should do. What I can say, though, is that I can relate to the stresses of shift work. Many years ago I worked in a factory where everyone worked rotating shifts (a different shift every week.) It's incredibly difficult, from my perspective, to get really rested under those conditions. And unless one is rested stress is, I believe, inevitable.

Fortunately, when I was doing shift work, I was still a very young man. So I could handle it. Now I'm an older man & I doubt very much I could function with that kind of schedule. I mention this because you mentioned being in your late 40's. Perhaps you're simply getting to a stage in life where it's becoming increasingly difficult to work shifts? Plus you have the problem of the dogs and the difficult people you work with. To my mind, it's a toxic mixture. And, at least based on my experience, a person's ability to tolerate ongoing levels of high stress decreases significantly the older one gets. (Mine is almost gone completely at this late stage of my life.)

I don't know how job opportunities are for middle-aged people where you live. (Age discrimination is alive & well where I live.) However, if it would be possible for you to find more suitable living & employment situations now or in the near future, it might be worth considering. Your ability to tolerate the stresses you're currently dealing with is not likely to improve as you continue to age. At least these are my thoughts with regard to your post. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Old 07-22-2019, 06:41 PM   #3
schmety
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Default Re: lack of determination

Thanks for your answer and thoughts.

We have another small house in another region. My mother live there, we have vineyard there.
It's very quiet place, no traffic, calm environment.
I go there moslty, when i have holidays and sometimes when i'm two or three days free of work.
I like that place a lot. Just i'm not sure , how it could be working there, that's another situation then.
I like environment where i live a lot, that's the only thing why i still can't decide.
Well, about jobs. I work in tourismus and there are always looking people for work, hotels, restaurants,
but that's again, working with people, so it's the same thing like here, where i work now.
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Old 07-23-2019, 06:47 AM   #4
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If you moved to the more rural location, could you move back to your current location if it didn't work out? It's a really tough decision to make. We have been trying to make a similar decision about possibly moving and it seems like we just go aound in circles. I like the idea of living in the country and having fewer neighbors, but I don't like the long drives to get groceries or go to work. It would be nice if you could move to the vineyard and produce and sell enough wine to survive

Could you rent out your upstairs to someone else to earn a bit of cash to pay living expenses at the other house? If you changed to a job with a more regular schedule, would that make things more tolerable? There are a lot of possible variations.

Have you tried using a fan or white noise generator? I also like silence and find those things really help.
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Old 07-23-2019, 07:56 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hvert View Post
It would be nice if you could move to the vineyard and produce and sell enough wine to survive
That would be nice, but everyone there have vineyard and our it's just a small one.
If you want to earn money with wine, you need to have huge vineyard.

Well, yea, i know, if things won't work like i want. There always must be a plan B.
At this moment, there's no option for rent my part of house.
There's also a room for my mother, whenever comes here and it could be in short term my exit if something goes wrong.

I have tried white noise, but i don't like it, makes me even more nervous.
Fans no.

I think, it could be already better situation, if i can find a job without night shifts. Problem is mostly when i come to home in the morning and then everyone wakes up.
Also, away from negative energy. Working with negative people makes you in long term very tired , especially if you're sensitive person and you can easy absorb their energy, but that's just the way i am.
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Old 11-04-2019, 04:49 AM   #6
schmety
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Default Re: lack of determination

What's new :
I was searching for a new job.
I found one, I was invited to conversation, but then they said that they don't need new employee, cause of new situation.
So, still stacked to my old job and i fee unhappy.

Also, i have talking to my boss about my feelings at job and situation and he said, yes, i understand you, if you found something better, just go for it.
They know for the situation , how employees are unhappy at work.
If bosses know the situation and they have no purpose to change that, then i'm asking myself , why i'm so worried about and why i just don't go away.

Will look further.
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