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Default Aug 15, 2019 at 02:51 PM
  #1
Hello. One of my biggest problems is sticking to, or even just trying things. A little context and insight to help you understand more of my personal situation is as follows.

-

At the core this comes down to my outlook and beliefs, which themselves relate to my (medically termed) delusions of the belief/mindset that my life, existence etc. and everything is intentional to cause harm or pain in whatever way; and that this is just the purpose and consistency of my existence. A couple examples would be eating healthy, exercising, or trying to get my GED. In a ‘normal', or ‘un-altered’ existence, I guess is the best way I can put it, I would know these are not guaranteed to fail. But like I said with my altered (hopeless, pessimistic) collective beliefs, or delusions, I usually talk myself out of it basically with the train of thought since I exist just to purposely suffer, well, they would of course not work out, so I might as well not try.

-

So with that little bit of context for my personal situation, I’m just looking for some ways, or things I could try to tell myself and challenge that train of thought/outlook, when I want/need to do something without reasoning against it. Like I said in a ‘normal' life (say, when I was a kid before any delusions set on) I would at least be more inclined to just try, you know, because things wouldn’t be meant to and predestined to fail. Even if there was a 50/50 chance, I would still try because there’s at least a chance. But due to my (deep-seated and reinforced) beliefs and outlook, I always am able to contemplate and reason against things.

Thank you for reading. I hope it all made sense and I explained things well enough for you to get the general idea of the post…

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Default Aug 15, 2019 at 06:48 PM
  #2
@Photonate

When you say deep seated and reinforced beliefs, do you know where those came from?

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Default Aug 15, 2019 at 07:46 PM
  #3
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Originally Posted by HappyCrafter View Post
@Photonate

When you say deep seated and reinforced beliefs, do you know where those came from?
Well it started a few years ago (maybe 5 or so) just as the simple, sole belief my mother's boyfriend would cough on purpose around me. Then that slowly turned into thinking everybody did, then over time (more relatively recent) that developed into the belief that pretty much my life/reality and every little thing was like that.

Might be worth mentioning I had just dropped out of high school, started losing touch with all my friends, and started smoking weed playing video games 24/7 too all at that time period.

Not sure if that's what you meant by where the beliefs came from but... The main reason my initial simple delusion about the coughing developed into such a widespread more complex belief I'm sure was due to things like getting my own apartment and living/being alone in my thoughts with a negativity bias for the last year and a half. Not to mention things like eating junk fast food 75% of the time and rarely ever going outside of my 10x10 studio apartment.

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Default Aug 15, 2019 at 08:04 PM
  #4
I asked because I was wondering if someone taught you that habit growing up.

Do you see a counselor, a therapist or a doctor to help you sort out your thoughts?

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Default Aug 15, 2019 at 08:12 PM
  #5
If you mean the habit of thinking negative most of the time no not that I can remember specifically. As for therapy or anything no not anymore. I was going to regular doctor and therapist appointments before, and taking medication, but since I moved in to my own place I've pretty much stopped with all those things. A couple months ago I started seeing a therapist again, but that only lasted a few weeks before I stopped.

So ceasing pretty much any/all professional treatment cold turkey at the same time period of my delusion(s) expanding would have probably been worth mentioning too.

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Default Aug 16, 2019 at 09:02 AM
  #6
What is it you want to accomplish?

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Default Aug 18, 2019 at 10:34 AM
  #7
PH- I have to say I can almost completely relate to your outlook here. One of the ways that I am able to let go of weighted pessimism is by revisiting my goals in order of importance to me. I can't help but to relate a few of your really not so far out theories. Creating my own "normal" allows me to bounce around through my day, and then return to my beliefs and values. The difficult part of all that (to me) is understanding that there really is no way to explain everything to others, other than with how we portray ourselves,, and find our own confidence. I think this task is more difficult for some that others- especially those who have had more (or less) drama in their lives.
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Default Aug 24, 2019 at 08:13 AM
  #8
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Originally Posted by Photonate View Post
But due to my (deep-seated and reinforced) beliefs and outlook, I always am able to contemplate and reason against things.
I can definitely relate to this. My entire being is negative all the time. I am not sure where this came from it might actually be me. I slide into this all the time and it is very hard to beat. Personally I feel like it isn't delusional. Perhaps it is life experience but I have found people to be shockingly evil and childish. So it doesn't seem insane that your mom's boyfriend would cough to annoy you. I think that way on the train a lot when someone is coughing.

Somethings that have worked for me (If I can remember to do them): Whenever anything positive happens that I didn't expect, I try to write it on a list. This list I review when I am feeling like the impossible can't happen. To see concrete proof that it actually did... is hard to argue with.

Some of my list include:

1. I went to grad school on a lark assuming I would fail out the entire time but I graduated and got high honors.

2. You may remember Elizabeth Smart, when she went missing I was sure she would end up dead. But she didn't.

3. In 2002 some coal miners got trapped and I braced myself for them to be dead when I woke up in the morning and I woke up and they were fine.

4. In 2000 my elderly mom started bleeding in a bad place and they found a mass on her ovaries. I was SURE it was going to be malignant.. but, it wasn't. She was fine.

5. After 911 I assumed the world was over and nothing would ever be the same, but very very very little has changed.

Also, there is a book that I read once that I try to remember... "the power of now". Basically his theory is that most humans have a part of themselves that is not helpful to them. He calls it the "ego". This ego is always being negative and most people assume that it is them. They are "fully associated" with the ego. But the author talks about how the ego is not you. You don't have to listen to it. When it starts with the pessimist talk you can divorce yourself from it and say... nope that is just my ego talking.
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