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Old 11-09-2019, 05:41 PM   #11
TishaBuv
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Default Re: Know the difference between rigid and loose boundaries

Iím a mixture. I know I have some things to improve, like sharing TMI. I didnít know that irked people until reading about it on here tbh.
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Old 11-10-2019, 06:40 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
Iím a mixture. I know I have some things to improve, like sharing TMI. I didnít know that irked people until reading about it on here tbh.
(((safe hugs)))

I think we all share TMI at some point in our lives. I know I have.

We are in this boat of learning together.
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Old 11-10-2019, 07:09 PM   #13
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(((safe hugs)))

I think we all share TMI at some point in our lives. I know I have.

We are in this boat of learning together.
I think it was my reaction to trauma. Iíd just blurt it out, rather robotic. When I started reading comments and articles about over sharing and TMI, I was embarrassed. . Itís still really hard for me to not do.

Iím really good at saying Ďnoí, if I really donít want to let someone take advantage of me.
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Old 11-10-2019, 07:20 PM   #14
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Default Re: Know the difference between rigid and loose boundaries

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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
I think it was my reaction to trauma. Iíd just blurt it out, rather robotic. When I started reading comments and articles about over sharing and TMI, I was embarrassed. . Itís still really hard for me to not do.

Iím really good at saying Ďnoí, if I really donít want to let someone take advantage of me.
For me, I overshare with some people (or online, since I see it as a place to let my thoughts flow, seeing that therapy settings is more judgmental than online settings, and I find more support online in that way). I posted about flatulence recently, but I turned it into a funny post. Still, it is a bit TMI. *blushing*

I think trauma is one of the causes of oversharing. Other causes may also factor in.

Oversharing could be from low self-esteem, approval-seeking, cultural factors that are customary in other countries or subcultures within the US, explaining things so that the other person doesn't harm you because they misinterpret you, living and being alone for a long time (which causes you to speak what you're thinking since you have gotten used to isolation), being infantilized for so many years and asked to reveal everything, being in therapy for over 10 years (which causes an iatrogenic habit of sharing too much, even if boundaries and other factors are learned within therapy), etc.

There are many reasons to oversharing.

Oversharing shouldn't be pathologized, however.

Some people enjoy "being real," and feel as though victim-blaming is wrong, thus it's not the oversharing that is the problem, it's those who try to take advantage of those who overshare that's the real problem (they are the offenders, judgers, etc.). --There's some truth in that, too.

But, to create peace in society, some level of conformity is required. Thus, oversharing can become problematic when the customs of the present society are more individualistic and closed-off. It's the culture here, so oversharing is taboo.

I think there's a time and place for everything. Sometimes oversharing helps someone else to open up, and for two people to bond. Other times, oversharing is embarrassing, intimidating, or offensive. It all depends, which is why boundaries often change with different people and/or different situations and/or different settings.
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Old 11-10-2019, 07:46 PM   #15
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Default Re: Know the difference between rigid and loose boundaries

ďto speak what you're thinking since you have gotten used to isolation), being infantilized for so many years and asked to reveal everything,Ē
^OMG, yes, these reasons, too! Also, within my FOO (family of origin) thereís nothing held back. I assumed everybody did it.

Also, I have felt like it was a getting to know the other person, as theyíd open up to me, too, and tell something intimate. I never thought it was something Ďwrongí until I read about it on PC in comments or articles.

I was fairly selective about what I did share while ďover sharingĒ though. I didnít think I made the other person feel uncomfortable or hating to hear what I was telling.

When I got on here, I unloaded all my stuff, posting away with my issues. I got wonderful support and feedback here. I had not had such good experiences with private therapy. I donít regret that sharing on here because I think it really helped me in the long run.
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Old 11-10-2019, 07:54 PM   #16
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TishaBuv,

I felt better oversharing online, too. It's a place I can just let it all out and feel supported at the same time. It's a "natural" form of healing for me.

There's a saying, which I'll paraphrase here (since I don't know it verbatim): We are broken in community, so it makes sense that we heal in community.

Online is one form of community.
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