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Old 01-31-2020, 07:58 PM   #1
Zoeing
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Default How do you deal with Festives if you were me?

Hi community,

Hope everyone is doing well, or at least on the right path towards it.

I have been in the ďbluesĒ since, oh, November/December. Iím midlife, not married, no kids, donít have what you called true friends, and only have minimal family contacts, though when get together we argue a lot...

Every winter, I avoid Christmas office parties, as people would bring their kids and family and spouses, and I donít have any. I avoid traveling, most people have someone beside them under festive lights, which are quite beautiful in most cities. I try not to become a workaholic, so I kinda take time off but donít know what to do (binge movies yes, but what else?). Now that the year has began again, Iím getting back into my ďnormalĒ work/sleep/exercise routines, but Valentineís is again around the corner. I find myself hating it all.

Iím tired, annoyed, feeling helplessly eaten up by my internal emotions. Iím truly busy with my work, but maybe Iím giving other people the impression of being busier than I really am. I have people I like to be around but they too, are busy with family and kids etc. Not like I donít have human contact, but those only come through work. I find that I ím isolating myself more and more.

If anyone cares to know, Iím an INTJ Female in the Brigg Meyers personality test... their description is more or less true to a point about me, the good and bad of it...

I find that the ďtypical self-careĒ cannot quite work during the festive seasons. The swimming pool is emptier than normal and youíre a lone fish in it, the restaurant is packed and youíre a rare single eating in it (thatís why I avoid that too)... everywhere reminds you that youíre just being weird existing in the space youíre in...

Please give me some suggestions how to handle and make it through the next Christmas/new year/Valentine... this past one was very painful and I cried more than once...

Thanks to all
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Old 02-01-2020, 03:53 PM   #2
Skeezyks
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Smile Re: How do you deal with Festives if you were me?

Thanks for sharing your concern. Here's a link to a listing of articles, from PC's archives, on the subject of loneliness plus links to 2 articles that offer suggestions for dealing with painful emotions. Hopefully there may be some useful insights in some of these articles:

Loneliness | Psych Central

How to Sit with Painful Emotions

8 Tips For Dealing With Painful Emotions | Cultivating Contentment & Happiness

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Old 02-02-2020, 05:32 PM   #3
Emily Fox Seaton
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Default Re: How do you deal with Festives if you were me?

i am in the same boat. Over the holidays I have been going to my brother's house but it is becoming clear that he is going to divorce his wife and end up on my couch so I am trying to avoid that. I don't have an issue on Valentines day but I do get upset when someone's husband sends in flowers to work and they IMHO try to rub everyone's noses in it.

The only thing I have found that really works for me is Travel. One year during Thanksgiving I traveled to Florida. And the hotel was almost completely full of only people from other countries. It was like I stepped into another world for 4 days. I forgot it was thanksgiving. During xmas maybe go on a trip to Europe but on a cruse or something so you aren't really reminded.

Some people volunteer on the holiday like feed people at homeless shelters.

I have sometimes just slept through it... or watched streaming marathons.
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Old 02-03-2020, 10:44 AM   #4
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Default Re: How do you deal with Festives if you were me?

Hi. I think more people deal with this than you might think. Even people who are in relationships and/or have children. The holidays and the couple months after are pretty difficult. We grow up with this idea of what holidays and life is supposed to be like, but it's not accurate. Then we feel like there is something wrong with us and there is an empty feeling that is difficult to overcome. I have found it helpful to do new things. Even if it's just driving a different way to work or wherever. A change of scenery can help. Workout at a different place. Have you ever tried yoga? Part of it is about meditation and purposeful thinking/doing. I have found this helpful in addition to taking the time to stretch a be still. If you have already done it, maybe try different places. Groupon is a great resource for this and other activities as well. It makes it affordable to try something different. The first step is always the hardest but you can do it.
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