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Old 02-09-2020, 02:21 AM   #1
Mommykins
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Default Taking my time

So I'm 28 years old. To me that seems so old, but when talking to other people they tell me I still have my youth. I feel so old and sluggish. I may be pregnant and that's a different subject within it's self, still, I feel so tired. I have been isolating myself, preparing for this big move. It's been one of the best decisions I've made for myself. I decided to end a 8 year relationship and getting back to being just me has been more difficult than one can imagine. Still, here I am, striving to be a better version of myself by all means. I used to think about the time wasted but I'm hopeful about my future. I just wish I would have actually loved myself like I was supposed to when I was younger but I didn't and now look at me. Just looking crazy and regretful. I never used to have regrets, and even though I am happy where I am right now I still wonder what I could have been had I put the focus on me and my career instead of on another person. No lie, the biggest truth I got from this whole ordeal is that people will show you who they are. You just have to be brave enough to believe them. Now I believe that more than ever. As weird as it feels being alone for the first time in nearly a decade, I can say I actually see myself again. I actually love me again. No one can take that from me. This has been time consuming but it has been worthwhile. To know that one day, far away from today, I'll love again. I'll be loved again. I won't settle for just anything. I'll be better mentally. I'll be capable. It all takes time. I think the thing with people is that we never take the necessary time to be alone. I wanna be by myself to learn me all over again. Yes I miss the old me but I'm dying to see who the new me is. Dying to understand this version of myself I didn't even know existed. Dying! Like, I'm beyond anxious. I feel myself changing and I know as far down that I have been, I am only going up. I used to smoke weed to kill my pain but now I just smoke cigarettes. It relaxes me but only for a good 15 minutes. I don't feel like I'm altering who I am like I did when I was smoking weed. I want to stop smoking all together but I can't right now. I will though, and soon. In everything that I go through I know it takes time and patience to become a better person. I'm just soooo ready to be there but there is no rushing the process. Just have to sit, reflect and absorb everything and take it in for what it is. I can't let it affect my being me. I just have to accept that this is a learning experience and that I don't have all the answers. None of us do but, I do know that TIME does actually heal all wounds. It may not seem like it on day one, week one, hell, maybe not even in the first few months but emotional scars heal just like physical scars. They take time. So if you actually read through this, and you're fighting your own battle remember to take your time! We have just a little bit more of it than we may think! 😘😘😘
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Old 02-09-2020, 03:49 AM   #2
MrsA
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Default Re: Taking my time

I like the way you address this issue. I'm also taking some time to sort through things alone. It's a constsnt worry about not achieving enough and your life passing you by, but I can tell you that 30 was the point in my life where I had learned enough to solve most practical problems (like leaky plumbing) and get some things done more easily than in my 20s. That's the one advantage of getting older. My life is a mess right now and I'm trying to figure out what to do. Your post does make me feel a bit encouraged. Thanks for sharing.
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