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TishaBuv
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Shocked Feb 27, 2020 at 11:33 PM
  #1
This bright idea may only last as long as it takes me to write this. I think I’ll ask them if I can move in with them. I can take the front bedroom. I can give them rent toward owning it, which will let them live there and have income. I will have to put money into cleaning and fixing it up, as everything is breaking and old. I can just get away from my husband and let him care for our son this last year. Our son will be 18 in his last year of high school anyway and driving, and husband is unemployed. I have had it with my family. My folks are old and not long for this world. I want to just go home and go to my room a total failure.

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Default Feb 28, 2020 at 08:25 PM
  #2
Do a pros and cons list.
You are not a failure.
Life just gets bumpy sometimes.
Sometimes trying a different approach is ok, thinking outside the box.

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Default Feb 28, 2020 at 09:17 PM
  #3
Pros and Cons is a great idea.
And if there is a good reason this is not the best idea, think of others. so many potential roads to travel...one life

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Default Feb 29, 2020 at 12:03 AM
  #4
This post was just my flight response. I was in a really bad way last night.

My relationships are actually doing a little better lately. Mom and I are cool as long as I don’t get into anything with her that will set her off. She’s been great lately.

My FOO showed me their true colors and I’ve accepted what it is. No, we’re not close. It was only an illusion that we ever were anyway.

My husband is okay. He is the biggest trigger for me with our intimacy issue. We’re handling it the best we can. Last night, he set me off. Today we’re better.

My son is what it is. I accept it and will just leave him alone.

I feel bad for having to show my other sons how ill I really am, but I don’t regret them knowing this fact. It’s important. It does mean a lot to me that they care and will stay by my side.

I didn’t go running and fly. I zonked myself out instead. I woke up and can handle another day.

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Default Feb 29, 2020 at 10:42 PM
  #5
I had another bad day. The going back to mom’s idea may not be such a bad one. Maybe I can go and take a little break. At least, maybe she’ll let me clean out one room so I can sleep in it. It’s filled with smelly old clutter and I can’t stand it. It’s old record albums and closets full of stuff no one’s used in years, just making smelly dust. Mom and Dad are nose blind to it and like the clutter. I am extremely allergic and neurotic and can’t stand it...so there’s that...

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Default Feb 29, 2020 at 10:48 PM
  #6
I just don’t want to be alone. I’ll never get the energy to go and get myself an apartment and just move out. I just can’t do it.

I got along with my folks when we lived together. They were easy to live with actually and nice to me...back when I was 25. Now it’s 30 years later. At least I don’t need them for money, it’s the other way around now.

I’m suffering here too much with my husband. I’m in a bad mood from him all the time and just knocking myself out with meds. I don’t need to be doing this. I’m wasting my whole life for what? I want to go home.

Even my nearly adult son doesn’t need me now. He’s busy with his friends, has credit cards, takes care of himself. Husband doesn’t work so can be the parent to make sure he goes to school final year. I can be close enough when he needs me.

The thought of calling that divorce attorney again just kills me...I can’t stand to do it. Husband will just guilt me out of it anyway.

Maybe he’ll just let me have this little break.

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Default Mar 01, 2020 at 03:06 AM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
I’ll never get the energy to go and get myself an apartment and just move out.

I’m suffering here too much with my husband. I’m in a bad mood from him all the time and just knocking myself out with meds. I don’t need to be doing this. I’m wasting my whole life for what? I want to go home.

Maybe he’ll just let me have this little break.
Rather than going home or getting an apartment--what about just staying in a cabin in the mountains or a hotel on the beach for a couple of days? If the weather is good then just viewing the sunset or sunrise can be rejuvenating. I think you need to learn to enjoy spending time alone. I have learned to deal with uncomfortable feelings about others by taking time outs. Sometimes those timeouts make us want to be with the people who were making us uncomfortable again. Most people aren't sunshine all of the time. It doesn't have to be a drastic step. Just find a place somewhere that you can get recharged. Sending positive energy your way. Your life is not a waste.
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Default Mar 02, 2020 at 09:52 PM
  #8
Thought you already lived in your own apartment apart from your husband. Maybe you went back to your husband. I thought you were divorcing. Looks like you aren’t.

It sounds like you are still unhappy. Maybe moving in with mom isn’t a bad idea. Life is too short to be miserable.

You don’t need his permission to have a break btw.
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Default Mar 02, 2020 at 10:08 PM
  #9
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Thought you already lived in your own apartment apart from your husband. Maybe you went back to your husband. I thought you were divorcing. Looks like you aren’t.

It sounds like you are still unhappy. Maybe moving in with mom isn’t a bad idea. Life is too short to be miserable.

You don’t need his permission to have a break btw.
We didn’t finalize it. It’s been an exhausting back and forth for both of us. It’s not him, it’s me. I’m traumatized by the intimacy issue. So is he. We’re both too anxious. Aside from that, we’re good.

I’m seeing a psy now and on new meds. I had a bad weekend when I wrote this. Thankfully, I didn’t run away, just slept it off.

I’m so glad we were together when our son emotionally abandoned us. I really don’t know if I’d have survived it alone.

I’m not well...but I’m really good when I am good, if that makes sense.

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Default Mar 07, 2020 at 04:36 AM
  #10
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Originally Posted by TunedOut View Post
Rather than going home or getting an apartment--what about just staying in a cabin in the mountains or a hotel on the beach for a couple of days? If the weather is good then just viewing the sunset or sunrise can be rejuvenating. I think you need to learn to enjoy spending time alone. I have learned to deal with uncomfortable feelings about others by taking time outs. Sometimes those timeouts make us want to be with the people who were making us uncomfortable again. Most people aren't sunshine all of the time. It doesn't have to be a drastic step. Just find a place somewhere that you can get recharged. Sending positive energy your way. Your life is not a waste.
...just definitely not a cruise right now

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Default Mar 07, 2020 at 04:39 AM
  #11
I had a panic attack, took most of my clothes from the closet, threw them in my car, and went to my mother’s house tonight.

I felt good as soon as I left my house and did not stay upset. We had a pleasant night here.

I still have insomnia though and am up now. I’m not sure what will be my next move.

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