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Old 04-26-2020, 12:12 PM   #1
procrastinator110
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Default Addicted to Procrastination powered by extreme Decision Paralysis

Hello ladies and gentlemen. I want to present my here as a young guy over the twenties. I am really happy to join this forum as I today decided that I finally want to change my life. I have admitted myself that I need some "outside" help for this as I simply can't cope with it anymore. For now, I can't afford a therapist right now, but if no one here will be able to help I will, of course, try to get a therapist.

So i want to tell a little story about myself, i will make it short.

I am a pretty quiet guy with a friendly personality, that desire to make a successful career. But because of my extreme procrastination problem as i have it today, it is extremely hard for me to study, learn new things, etc.

It started when i was a teenager 16 years old. I was bullied in school, pretty much for my fatness and my low self-esteem.

So "sadly" I took the wrong turn, I got hooked up by these consumers snake-oil self-help books. "Affirmations, Visualizations, positive thinking" which made my life actually worse. You know; you have some problem, type your problem in google and these advertised self-help snake oil books pops up first, i have been scammed so much

So these self-help books made my self-esteem, self-worth, even more, worse then it was, to begin with. Then I turned over to spirituality, religion different things. Energy therapy, NLP. All different pseudoscientific things which made my life worse and worse.

And i "knew" inside that I was just procrastinating. Instead of doing the things i wanted and feared, i read that book, that recommendation, that blog, that video about it. But never did it. So I developed procrastination, which is caused by (in my case) decision paralysis or analysis paralysis whatever it is called.

My brain is addicted to getting mass information to base my actions on. I can't make decisions for myself, every time I want to make a decision my brain paralysis and jumps around in all the spiritual books, self-help books, blogs i read about and the brain can't just choose anything and then I end up procrastinating and doing "comfortable" things. This has really destroyed my life.

It goes like this:

Instead of approaching people to meet new people I read and try to find the perfect information on how to approach people (never going out to meet people). Instead of studying and fighting procrastination, I try to find the perfect information on how to beat procrastination and study (never begin to study). It is an evil circle now. And it has really developed itself now.

Every time i want to jump out of my comfort zone and do a decision, my brain begins to associate my decisions based on all the books, the information I have gotten it's trying to make the perfect decision. My brain goes like this "Hmm i will do it as this book told me, no i don't feel like it, i try to accept my feelings as the other spiritual book said, i can't i just do it! Hmm i will google and try to find out why i can't make decisions" And it just goes in circles and circles and never getting the thing done i want to do.

It is a big problem, because i am addicted to this. And i can clearly see the problem, I have TOO much information in my brain, my cup is full of useless knowledge of how i "should" do the things.

2 Days ago i made a decision to stop denying my problems and seek some scientific, professional help. I found the Psychological Self-help website which is a serious website with scientific-based content.

What i want to do, is that I want to let go of all this knowledge, from all these self-help books, spirituality books, and build self-reliance. I want to take action, instead of thinking about taking action. Taking risks, trial and error, and so on.

I keenly ask for help. Some cooping strategies or some techniques to let go of the knowledge and allow myself to just make "decisions" more with my intuition, instead of rationalizing about it with the mass information each time.

Thanks in advance.
And have a good day everyone.
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Old 04-26-2020, 01:24 PM   #2
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Default Re: Addicted to Procrastination powered by extreme Decision Paralysis

Hello, procrastinator110. Nice to make your acquaintance.

I also procrastinate like crazy. I think I am afraid of (a) failing, (b) picking the wrong thing to do, and (c) doing it badly, etc etc.

And yes, those self-help books do promise you everything, don't they?

Therapy might help you to gain some deeper self-knowledge as to WHY you procrastinate, so it might be helpful in that way, but in the end it is still up to you whether you DO something or not.

The best suggestion I can make to you in the beginning is: take baby steps. You might decide on a very small step towards something you want to do, and do that. Then stop, wait, and see if anyone notices. Then when you can you take the next step, and so on.

I'll give you an example. Someone I knew decided she was interested in owning a Mercedes. But there was no way she could go onto the lot; she was too shy. She would be too intimidated by the salespeople. But she could do one thing: she could DRIVE BY. Tiny step, yes? Not much by itself. But sometimes one tiny step can lead to another and another. And even if it doesn't at least you've done that much, right?

Have a good day yourself...
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Old 04-27-2020, 02:24 AM   #3
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Default Re: Addicted to Procrastination powered by extreme Decision Paralysis

I am convinced that some forms of procrastination are a way to force us to take action when things get down to the wire. Its almost like I need a near catastrophe for me to handle certain things. Its like sometimes working under do or die pressure works for me.
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Old 04-27-2020, 05:14 AM   #4
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Default Re: Addicted to Procrastination powered by extreme Decision Paralysis

Thanks for answers to both of you

Nice to hear that i am not the only one fighting with this problem.
I will try the best to write a journal here, it helps with the motivation when other people are looking on it.

A it seems, i tried the "Emotion identifying" exercise as it is written in the psychological self-help website. And identifying the emotions.

It seems it has something to do with that I seek perfectionism in actions that requires to go of my comfort zone.

That is probably why my brain want's the perfect information before it wants to do anything, but fails in the long run. No matter how much information I absorb my brain seems to know truly inside that no amount of information can guarantee the expected outcome I want out of a situation. My true self (intuition) seems to know about this, but the intellect tries to take over each time and procrastinate about doing the thing I don't like and fear.

It seems to that i have some fearful desire attachments.

Desire to control, Desire perfectionism, and desire approval when it comes to social situations. And also fear of success and failure.

The thing is that I function normally when it comes to things like work. I have a side-job while studying. And I can meet on time, do the work properly and all that.

When I meet with my friends, partying etc, i also function normally. People would never see or find out on me that I have procrastination problems if I don't tell them.

The problem seems to be when it comes to trying new things, where i will procrastinate. I will try to take new steps all the time.

Today I managed to Focus, Study in straight 4 hours without a single distraction (looking into the phone, reading Facebook, watching youtube)

But I can't just clap in my hands and be delighted yet because the important thing is to keep having such results. It's like smokers decide to stop smoking, they stop smoking in 14 days in return to it. That is what i want to avoid. I am looking for permanent changes.

I have plans to try mindfulness practice, where I try to sit without any single distraction and try to find out what is happening in my head.

Take care guys!
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Old 04-27-2020, 12:34 PM   #5
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Default Re: Addicted to Procrastination powered by extreme Decision Paralysis

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
I am convinced that some forms of procrastination are a way to force us to take action when things get down to the wire. Its almost like I need a near catastrophe for me to handle certain things. Its like sometimes working under do or die pressure works for me.


Sarah, there's no question that procrastination works the way you say it does, but that way is so STRESSFUL! I used to utilize this method to the extreme when I was younger to the extent of sewing a whole batch of costumes in the morning for a play that was to be produced that afternoon! (Naturally I had to persuade another sainted person to help me).

But ever since then, my whole adult life I guess, I've striven to be more disciplined so that I can avoid that last-minute panic. To the extent I've succeeded, I have to say my life is calmer and more bearable.
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Old 04-28-2020, 05:32 AM   #6
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Default Re: Addicted to Procrastination powered by extreme Decision Paralysis

Update 28/04-2020

I decided that I will post here once 5-7 days (week) and keep my process updated with you. Not only to motivate and benefit myself but to benefit others with my process, so people can see how they can change themselves and see what works for me.

I practiced mindfulness yesterday in the evening, it's a good practice, I was able to clear out all distractions and I did what the Olympics do. "Progressive muscle relaxation" before mindfulness, and when my body is totally relaxed (every muscle) I am able to cut out all distractions and my longings for procrastination, I was able to sit quietly in about 40 minutes and reflecting over my thoughts. This progressive muscle relaxation works wonders. Every time my brain want's some youtube, Facebook, or anything like that. I say quietly "stop" to myself and do the muscle relaxation. Then I can actually stop procrastination.

I did that 4 times until now. And I can stop the bad habits when my body is completely relaxed but these longings for procrastination returns later. So it is not just enough for me to relax the body in the long run, so I decided another method, read below!

I decided to stay up early in the morning today and felt so good. This "A (morning person) and B (stay long at night person" is some myth. If you really want to wake up early in the morning it's possible, and you feel so much better!

So after doing the progressive relaxation thing a few times, then I studied straight 3 hours and my willpower battery was depleted i could not do it anymore, progressive muscle relaxation also did not work anymore.

So instead I decided to take a break and instead of procrastinating I decided to go out for a run, about (50 minutes). Traning Cardio is a really good thing, it made me feel better and I was able to study again later. And it gave me some self-esteem boost which gave some power to my willpower battery, I came home and I could again study

For now, as it looks like:
-I will do mindfulness practice every meaning together with progressive muscle relaxation.

-When i get totally relaxed I will try to work with some psychotherapy by myself. The thing I currently use is Working through unfinished business: Uncovering the repressed feelings that still mess up your life.

From Psychological self-help website Chapter 15, step five.

It's a technique by "Muriel Schiffman" and it seems to be an important one, as "Mopey" here said that that I need to find the reason to find out why I procrastinate.

Gaining insight into my deep repressed emotions is the first step I need to find ou I believe. It's very limited what I know now about my emotions, but when I finish studying for today, I want to gain some more insight.

It seems that my procrastination problems are a concealed emotion. Usually, my procrastination comes up as a pleasure for doing other things, and when I force myself to do the things I need to do I experience boredom, but when I truly try to uncover the emotions there is some fear involved.

And I think as I said before it has something to do with "desire" attachments to perfection, approval, etc.

I will keep you updated.

Take care!
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Old 05-05-2020, 12:04 PM   #7
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Default Re: Addicted to Procrastination powered by extreme Decision Paralysis

Update 05/05-2020

It goes better and better. I still automatically sometimes randomly sit at my desk hear music, seeing youtube, etc and do procrastinate, but I can fight it bit by bit.

I managed to study for the whole week, an average of 6 hours a day. I am impressed by the results of identifying the unconscious emotions as it is outlined in the psychological self-help website

I wish I found that website when I was younger as a teenager! I am really blessed.

I have really focused on identifying my unconscious emotions and it looks like that there is so much garbage, so much emotional baggage within me. So many fearful longings, desires, hidden fears. Last time I did this and released my unconscious emotions. I experienced fear and shaked, it seems to be the right thing because I cleared out emotional garbage out of myself. I feel much better now!

I am still training more and more cardio and have begun to do some strength training.

It seems, that my procrastination problems seem to be a problem of emotional garbage, a patchwork of fearful desire attachments that exist from childhood, that I successfully clear out bit by bit! I shine it up with light and it gets banished. This can't be explained in logic. The unconscious is different from person to person, but the method works.

If anyone is interested in the "unconscious", everyone should read about Carl Jung, he was one of the most known psychiatrists for helping people.

Take care and I will write back next week!
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Old 05-11-2020, 12:44 PM   #8
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Default Re: Addicted to Procrastination powered by extreme Decision Paralysis

Thanks for this thread!

I'd never heard of that psychological self-help website. Now I'm reading it, too!

It's very interesting.
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Old 05-11-2020, 09:15 PM   #9
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Default Re: Addicted to Procrastination powered by extreme Decision Paralysis

So many things I want to say.

Do you know why a lion tamer holds a chair in front of him? Because the lion looks at the four legs of the chair and can't decide which leg to attack.

If you want yet another book to read, try Barbara Sher's "Wishcraft." She is the antithesis of positive thinking.

Baby steps - Commit to taking just one baby step. Then another.

A problem you'll face - when the goal and the work is in your head, it is perfect. You sign up for the class, are brilliant, get an A. and everything is wonderful. Real life is messy. You could fail. The project could come out badly. But - you're still ahead of the game if you gave it a try.

A benefit of procrastination - Usually we procrastinate because we're scared. (See above.) But sometimes the fear is well founded. Use your head, not your emotions - (what's the worst thing that could happen? What's probably going to happen. Is it worth the risk? Usually it's worth the risk.

See the thread below - A few measly steps per day.

Good luck from a fellow procrastinator.
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Old 05-12-2020, 02:01 PM   #10
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Default Re: Addicted to Procrastination powered by extreme Decision Paralysis

p.s. I'm not a professional psychologist, just a fellow procrastinator.
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