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Old 09-16-2020, 01:30 PM   #1
Aviza
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Default I'm struggling with goals

I'm living independently in a subsidized apartment. Do I just live and let live or do i try for more? I mean I'd like to have a partner, have a home. But honestly dating sucks, guys are not looking for what i am. I'm not sure I'm marriage material. My marriages were awful. So maybe i should give up on finding someone to marry. I honestly wouldn't marry anyone I'm dating right now.

I'm thinking about weight loss surgery. Main reason. Attract a descent guy. Not that that would be a guarantee it would help to look good. I could exercise to death but i never do enough. Fat genes suck.

Weight loss is a goal.

A new used car is a goal.

A husband is ultimate goal.

I'm just tired of trying on things that seem very difficult. I have to pay down my debt. But i could avoid surgery by using this expensive supplement. Which increases my debt. Surgery is covered by insurance. So is a car more important than weight loss? Not really my health is teetering on the edge of chronic disease.

My focus needs to be on health and wellness. But my car is not going to last forever. I think i should be ok with my subsidized, single life. But hormones kick in and that's another reason i want a partner or husband.

Guess status quo isn't good enough. I have to keep striving for more for better. But getting there is so hard. I want to give up.
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Old 09-16-2020, 01:46 PM   #2
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Default Re: I'm struggling with goals

I think it's important to think about the end goal that is the most important to you and see if the short-term goals really help you get there. I can understand the thought that losing weight will help you get a lasting relationship. However, it may only end up getting you a relationship with someone shallow or someone who doesn't accept you as you truly are. Say you get into a relationship with them after losing weight and then you gain weight again. Would they leave? Would they love you less? I know it sounds cliche, but it is important to find someone who loves you for you. It can be really hard to do, though. I definitely acknowledge that.

I've been reading a book lately which I've found helpful with regards to self-image and body. It's called "The Anti-Diet." I don't think it's for everyone, but it does talk about having more acceptance for who you are and finding ways to live a life free of the pressure to lose weight and the connection between weight and self-worth.

Having been through divorce in the past I can relate to the struggles and the fears that hope is a fiction and that happiness will never be yours. But a lot of times that's our depression or our pain talking. It can be that things will get better. They may not, but there is a chance that they will. And in order for things to get better you need to get the support and find ways to recover and grow from the trauma and pain of the past. I find that therapy has been helpful for me, along with finding ways to reclaim my identity and my social supports.

As for the other goals like a car and housing, those are definitely goals that make sense. Ultimately, what do you value in your life? What does happiness or joy look like to you?

Sending you good thoughts. <3
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Old 09-17-2020, 12:44 PM   #3
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Default Re: I'm struggling with goals

What about a goal that you can accomplish by tomorrow - like "Take a Walk" ????
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