[inkblot]

I was up to 5 days in a row taking my Adderall, which has helped with me cutting, before I missed more doses. So when I tried to cut today (several times), I wasn't able to do even one "good" one. Most were just barely scratches, but a couple of them would have had potential. I was so upset with myself because I wanted to do damage! I ended up OD'ing on generic Tylenol. I figured that since I couldn't get a good cut as damage on the outside, that I would do the damage from the inside. It's been about 4 hours. Now I am starting to wonder how sick will I be--if I will feel about the same as I did a little over a year ago when I last did something similar. Back then, though, it was Vicodin and Tylenol together. I've had a bit more acetaminophen this time than the total amount when I did it last year.

When will I learn?! Even better, when will my life change so I can have a T and a pdoc again? My own T and pdoc. Somebody who already knows me. I don't want to start all over again.

[Rapunzel]

Inky,

What steps are you willing to take towards changing your life? You can keep on doing the same things, and nothing that anybody offers or does for you or says to you is ever going to make a difference until you decide that you can handle the change.

Your T and Pdoc have tried to help you, and people here on this site have offered help. What have you done with that? What do they have to show for their efforts?

I'm not saying this to pick on you or make you feel bad. I just see some of my own resistance in the things that you do. I'm trying to work on my resistance and learn how to make real changes in my life, so I do know how hard that is. I'm not always doing so well at it. I do know that nobody can do it for me.

Find what resources you have and do the things you know will make you better and not worse. Have you seen the self-help forum and book on this site? You can start small if that's easier. What would you like to change? Even though we all have things in life that we can't control, there is a lot that we can.

Sincerely,
Rap

Inky - You have been around long enough to know everything I could say...acetaminophen can kill you, go to the ER and get checked out, etc. Read this, k?

http://headaches.about.com/od/medsar...cet_kellie.htm

Please stop messing around with those pills! You could end up hurting yourself a lot more than you want. You don't want to die. You want a better life.

We care about you.

Emmy