It has been ___ days since I SIed -- Part V!

zbmom · Oct 06, 2017 at 11:17 AM

It's been over a year, not sure exact days. Going through a rough patch right now and thinking more and more about it but trying to stay strong.

zbmom · Oct 06, 2017 at 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 6328Minette

Still a big fat zero 0. I don't know what I am going to do w/ myself. I thought I could make it through the day but it was just too much. Everyone makes it seem so simple and I know it's not. It's just the way people say encouraging things like 'I know you can do it' and focus on the positive things' make it seem like it's supposed to be more simple than this but it's not. For me I feel like I don't have a choice. Everyone has their own reasons for why and until I get help with mine I don't think I will make it past a day.

Don't beat yourself up. When you're ready to get help and see a therapist you will learn new ways to manage your pain and to cope. Right now this is the only tool you have so you're using it. The guilt and shame just make it worse. I'm not encouraging you to cut but I totally get why it's hard not to. I've struggled off and on with SI for over 15 years. It's not an easy addiction to recover from.

Fizzyo · Oct 06, 2017 at 02:27 PM

((((((PsychNitrous))))))

Fizzyo · Oct 06, 2017 at 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

21 days, a whole 3 weeks! Surgery is Thursday, 2 more days... I hope I can keep up not SHing after it...

Well done!!! Hang on in there, you CAN do it.

Fizzyo · Oct 06, 2017 at 02:31 PM

(((((( Minette ))))))

Fizzyo · Oct 06, 2017 at 02:33 PM

had on in there zbmom

Congratulations on a whole year. Nobody can take that achievement away from you.

Kiya · Oct 07, 2017 at 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zbmom

It's been over a year, not sure exact days. Going through a rough patch right now and thinking more and more about it but trying to stay strong.

Quite an achievement. No judgement either way. We all do what we can each day

Kiya · Oct 07, 2017 at 11:13 PM

Urge surfing.... damage control... doing what works. Remember to be kind to myself.

Oct 09, 2017 at 03:56 PM

Been a while since I've been here, mainly because SI just isn't on my mind a lot, which is good. Now though it's bedtime. Got triggered earlier in the evening, took a PRN for anxiety which didn't work enough, decided to also take a PRN sleep med.. my parents recently remodeled my room while I was inpatient (with my consent of course) and now I have a small shelf on the far side of my bed. I put the sleep meds there for easy access, but I forgot I'd done so. So I turned over half my room searching for them, and was just about to search my trashcan when I realized, oh, I remember where I put them. Now waiting for them to kick in.

If I can make it through the night safely, tomorrow will be 11 months.

PsychNitrous · Oct 09, 2017 at 03:58 PM

It's been 3 days today. The urges are really strong, I had my first appointment with a new T on Friday, and have felt really triggered since. I'm pretty open in therapy now about my SH, and realized when we went over it that I've been doing it for half my life now. That's so long. I don't want to stop doing it now.

Bill3 · Oct 09, 2017 at 04:28 PM

It is a positive step to be speaking openly about it with your T. (((((PsychNitrous)))))

whisperingskye · Oct 09, 2017 at 04:54 PM

I can't ****ing stop

Oct 10, 2017 at 07:08 AM

Today makes 11 months.

Bill3 · Oct 10, 2017 at 07:38 AM

Congratulations Breadfish! ☺

spiritpanda · Oct 10, 2017 at 03:09 PM

think its still the 4 or 5 month, lost track. one of my group members cuts(saw them today but i wont say a thing) suddenly i felt that all to familiar tingling and that yearning and desire that cant really be suppressed or denied. the one thing saving me from just doing it is i’m out in public but i dont really care somcr i’ve done it in fromt of a cop and a doctor before and the fact my tools are at home. i honestly dont know what to do

It has been ___ days since I SIed -- Part V!

PsychNitrous · Oct 11, 2017 at 10:21 AM

Zero today. I'm afraid that number won't go up for a bit now, I didn't feel satisfied today.

spiritpanda · Oct 11, 2017 at 10:36 AM

might end up being zero. started carrying again. had one left over unopened replacement head from my dissection kit left that i’m now hiding in my wallet

Fizzyo · Oct 11, 2017 at 03:50 PM

Well done Breadfish, that's awesome.
You're an inspiration to me.

Fizzyo · Oct 11, 2017 at 03:53 PM

((((((Spiritpanda))))))

Fizzyo · Oct 11, 2017 at 03:57 PM

((((((((PsychNitrous))))))))

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It has been ___ days since I SIed -- Part V!

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zbmom Veteran Member Member Since Jul 2011 Location: California Posts: 540 12 22 hugs given	Oct 06, 2017 at 11:17 AM #861 It's been over a year, not sure exact days. Going through a rough patch right now and thinking more and more about it but trying to stay strong. __________________ Bipolar Disorder I, PTSD, GAD When it is darkest, we can see the stars. –Ralph Waldo Emerson

Fizzyo Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2015 Location: UK Posts: 3,282 9 3,980 hugs given	Oct 06, 2017 at 02:27 PM #863 ((((((PsychNitrous)))))) __________________ We're people first, anything else is secondary.

Fizzyo Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2015 Location: UK Posts: 3,282 9 3,980 hugs given	Oct 06, 2017 at 02:31 PM #865 (((((( Minette )))))) __________________ We're people first, anything else is secondary.

Fizzyo Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2015 Location: UK Posts: 3,282 9 3,980 hugs given	Oct 06, 2017 at 02:33 PM #866 had on in there zbmom Congratulations on a whole year. Nobody can take that achievement away from you. __________________ We're people first, anything else is secondary.

Kiya Legendary Member Since Oct 2007 Location: Out of my mind...back in 5 min. Posts: 10,370 16 3,956 hugs given	Oct 07, 2017 at 11:13 PM #868 Urge surfing.... damage control... doing what works. Remember to be kind to myself. __________________ Credits: ChildlikeEmpress and Pseudonym for this lovely image. alt="Universal Life Church \| ULC" border="0">

PsychNitrous Poohbah Member Since Feb 2016 Location: At Home Posts: 1,398 8 106 hugs given	Oct 09, 2017 at 03:58 PM #870 It's been 3 days today. The urges are really strong, I had my first appointment with a new T on Friday, and have felt really triggered since. I'm pretty open in therapy now about my SH, and realized when we went over it that I've been doing it for half my life now. That's so long. I don't want to stop doing it now.

Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,924 15 24.1k hugs given	Oct 09, 2017 at 04:28 PM #871 It is a positive step to be speaking openly about it with your T. (((((PsychNitrous)))))

whisperingskye Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2017 Location: - Posts: 1,526 7 1,177 hugs given	Oct 09, 2017 at 04:54 PM #872 I can't ****ing stop __________________ Tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Tired of wasting breath, tired of nothing left. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Failure. Failure - Breaking Benjamin

Anonymous40413 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 10, 2017 at 07:08 AM #873 Today makes 11 months.

Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,924 15 24.1k hugs given	Oct 10, 2017 at 07:38 AM #874 Congratulations Breadfish! ☺

PsychNitrous Poohbah Member Since Feb 2016 Location: At Home Posts: 1,398 8 106 hugs given	Oct 11, 2017 at 10:21 AM #876 Zero today. I'm afraid that number won't go up for a bit now, I didn't feel satisfied today.

spiritpanda Member Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Roselle Posts: 231 7	Oct 11, 2017 at 10:36 AM #877 might end up being zero. started carrying again. had one left over unopened replacement head from my dissection kit left that i’m now hiding in my wallet

Fizzyo Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2015 Location: UK Posts: 3,282 9 3,980 hugs given	Oct 11, 2017 at 03:50 PM #878 Well done Breadfish, that's awesome. You're an inspiration to me. __________________ We're people first, anything else is secondary.

Fizzyo Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2015 Location: UK Posts: 3,282 9 3,980 hugs given	Oct 11, 2017 at 03:53 PM #879 ((((((Spiritpanda)))))) __________________ We're people first, anything else is secondary.

Fizzyo Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2015 Location: UK Posts: 3,282 9 3,980 hugs given	Oct 11, 2017 at 03:57 PM #880 ((((((((PsychNitrous)))))))) __________________ We're people first, anything else is secondary.