It has been ___ days since I SIed -- Part V!

childofchaos831 · Jun 14, 2017 at 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by emptynightmare

My roommate says she wants to get high to get through the days. I said I understand. But I couldn't say anything further. Every night and morning and afternoon I think about self harming. Just to feel better, or to stop everything. I need to be wounded. I am so done with life. If I don't find a new opportunity, what's the point?

I am a failure. And success is never enough.

For me, addiction and self harm are very much the same thing. Both change how I feel, the current state in my brain. I am very much where you are... I wonder tho, instead of "finding" a new opportunity, what about "creating" one? We are truly the only ones who will fight for us... no one else can really be depended on completely... the point, for me, is to show myself that I am NOT a failure and that I am worth fighting for.

PsychNitrous · Jun 14, 2017 at 11:44 AM

Today could have been one, but I found the last bandaid in the house.

AmandaBroken · Jun 14, 2017 at 04:01 PM

I am sorry you are struggling. Just don't give up. You can beat this. It isn't easy but it is possible.

I offer you a gentle hug and a soft embrace. Please be safe! I am available if you want to contact me...

AmandaBroken · Jun 14, 2017 at 04:02 PM

101 Days...

whisperingskye · Jun 14, 2017 at 04:23 PM

23 hours... don't quite think I'm going to make it to a day.

AmandaBroken · Jun 14, 2017 at 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whisperingskye

23 hours... don't quite think I'm going to make it to a day.

Do you want to talk? This is very hard to beat without help...

I offer you a gentle hug and a soft embrace...

whisperingskye · Jun 14, 2017 at 04:33 PM

It would seem it's impossible to beat without help. But that's ok. I accepted that a long time ago.

AmandaBroken · Jun 14, 2017 at 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whisperingskye

It would seem it's impossible to beat without help. But that's ok. I accepted that a long time ago.

Can you see that is an issue? You have accepted something that should not be accepted. You can beat this. Do you want to beat this? I would understand if you said "no." I was there. I for a long time like what I was doing. It took others to help me see I could beat this and so can you.

Amanda

whisperingskye · Jun 14, 2017 at 04:46 PM

I don't like it but I'm not in a place where I could stop. I know it's wrong to accept but for now it's easier to do that than trying to stop and failing repeatedly.

AmandaBroken · Jun 14, 2017 at 04:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whisperingskye

I don't like it but I'm not in a place where I could stop. I know it's wrong to accept but for now it's easier to do that than trying to stop and failing repeatedly.

I understand. It is very sad but I know the story. Try to be safe...

PsychNitrous · Jun 14, 2017 at 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmandaBroken

I am sorry you are struggling. Just don't give up. You can beat this. It isn't easy but it is possible.

I offer you a gentle hug and a soft embrace. Please be safe! I am available if you want to contact me...

I want to give up. I don't want to beat anything, life is beating me. It feels so hopeless.

childofchaos831 · Jun 16, 2017 at 04:51 PM

7 days... one whole week!

Bill3 · Jun 17, 2017 at 12:11 AM

Terrific work childofchaos31! ☺

4428247 · Jun 17, 2017 at 01:28 AM

8/10 days I think? I've been traveling so I'm not sure how much the days count

Bill3 · Jun 17, 2017 at 02:12 AM

Great work 4428247! ☺

Fizzyo · Jun 17, 2017 at 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PsychNitrous

Thanjs. I guess it's hard for me to tell if he notices or not. He works in a kitchen and comes home often with cuts and burns and bruises, and I often ask about them. He's never asked about any of my cuts though, and I'm not sure if we've ever talked about the fact that I have a history of SH. Some days I want to ask if he knows, but I don't know how to say it.

Sorry I've been away so long.
I agree it's really hard to broach the subject.
Hubbie and I have talked about it (started really with the support from a worker) and he wants to be supportive but really can't get his head around how anyone can want to self injure.
He said "If she wants to hurt herself it's up to her"
I'm not sure that was too helpful, but better than a kick in the teeth. He has tried helping by being someone I could be accountable to, but that didn't work at all, so I don't discuss it any more. My fault, not his.

I feel for your situation. There's the elephant in the room everyone is avoiding mentioning, either to avoid hurting the other...saying the wrong thing...being rejected....take your pick!

I'm not sure if this was any help, SI is tricky which ever way we look at it.
The important thing for me is if they care for our welfare I guess.

The first time I started to talk to him about SI I just talked about reasons and benefits "some people" feel.
Then later pointed out why I "might" do it myself.

I can't remember how it went from there, but he has at different times expressed sadness at injuries, or more recently referred to "the evidence"

I guess it's a bit hard not to notice scars and dressings however unobservant he is (which is very unobservant).
I'm lucky he's not a shouty person, but he was scared of hurting me if he raised the subject.

Best of luck if you decide to raise the subject. If you don't, I guess if you love each other you'll find a way to work around it.

I'm rambling now, so I'll just send warm hugs

PsychNitrous · Jun 17, 2017 at 10:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fizzyo

Sorry I've been away so long.
I agree it's really hard to broach the subject.
Hubbie and I have talked about it (started really with the support from a worker) and he wants to be supportive but really can't get his head around how anyone can want to self injure.
He said "If she wants to hurt herself it's up to her"
I'm not sure that was too helpful, but better than a kick in the teeth. He has tried helping by being someone I could be accountable to, but that didn't work at all, so I don't discuss it any more. My fault, not his.

I feel for your situation. There's the elephant in the room everyone is avoiding mentioning, either to avoid hurting the other...saying the wrong thing...being rejected....take your pick!

I'm not sure if this was any help, SI is tricky which ever way we look at it.
The important thing for me is if they care for our welfare I guess.

The first time I started to talk to him about SI I just talked about reasons and benefits "some people" feel.
Then later pointed out why I "might" do it myself.

I can't remember how it went from there, but he has at different times expressed sadness at injuries, or more recently referred to "the evidence"

I guess it's a bit hard not to notice scars and dressings however unobservant he is (which is very unobservant).
I'm lucky he's not a shouty person, but he was scared of hurting me if he raised the subject.

Best of luck if you decide to raise the subject. If you don't, I guess if you love each other you'll find a way to work around it.

I'm rambling now, so I'll just send warm hugs

Thanks for your perspective, it does help. I think I've decided to leave it alone for now. It's been 2 days since I last did anything, and I'm not really feeling any urges right now. Someday maybe we'll talk about it, but for now I don't think we need any more terrible conversations.

Fizzyo · Jun 18, 2017 at 03:39 PM

Thanks PsychNitrous and well done for the last 2 days.
(((((((((PsychNitrous))))))))

LittleCartoon · Jun 18, 2017 at 04:32 PM

Less than 24 hours

whisperingskye · Jun 18, 2017 at 06:56 PM

0. But its not enough

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It has been ___ days since I SIed -- Part V!

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PsychNitrous Poohbah Member Since Feb 2016 Location: At Home Posts: 1,398 8 106 hugs given	Jun 14, 2017 at 11:44 AM #502 Today could have been one, but I found the last bandaid in the house.

AmandaBroken Account Suspended Member Since Mar 2017 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 10,250 (SuperPoster!) 7 26.2k hugs given	Jun 14, 2017 at 04:01 PM #503 I am sorry you are struggling. Just don't give up. You can beat this. It isn't easy but it is possible. I offer you a gentle hug and a soft embrace. Please be safe! I am available if you want to contact me...

AmandaBroken Account Suspended Member Since Mar 2017 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 10,250 (SuperPoster!) 7 26.2k hugs given	Jun 14, 2017 at 04:02 PM #504 101 Days...

whisperingskye Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2017 Location: - Posts: 1,526 7 1,177 hugs given	Jun 14, 2017 at 04:23 PM #505 23 hours... don't quite think I'm going to make it to a day. __________________ Tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Tired of wasting breath, tired of nothing left. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Failure. Failure - Breaking Benjamin

whisperingskye Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2017 Location: - Posts: 1,526 7 1,177 hugs given	Jun 14, 2017 at 04:33 PM #507 It would seem it's impossible to beat without help. But that's ok. I accepted that a long time ago. __________________ Tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Tired of wasting breath, tired of nothing left. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Failure. Failure - Breaking Benjamin

childofchaos831 Elder Member Since Nov 2016 Location: Texas Posts: 5,037 7 15 hugs given	Jun 16, 2017 at 04:51 PM #512 7 days... one whole week! __________________ Diagnoses: PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,924 15 24.1k hugs given	Jun 17, 2017 at 12:11 AM #513 Terrific work childofchaos31! ☺

4428247 Member Member Since May 2017 Location: Fort Dix Posts: 274 6 59 hugs given	Jun 17, 2017 at 01:28 AM #514 8/10 days I think? I've been traveling so I'm not sure how much the days count __________________ ---- I am not throwing away my shot Major Depression, Generalized Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, Self-Harm, ADHD-Inattentive, Dermatillomania

Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,924 15 24.1k hugs given	Jun 17, 2017 at 02:12 AM #515 Great work 4428247! ☺

Fizzyo Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2015 Location: UK Posts: 3,282 9 3,980 hugs given	Jun 18, 2017 at 03:39 PM #518 Thanks PsychNitrous and well done for the last 2 days. (((((((((PsychNitrous)))))))) __________________ We're people first, anything else is secondary.

LittleCartoon Junior Member Member Since Jun 2017 Location: Colorado Posts: 19 6 15 hugs given	Jun 18, 2017 at 04:32 PM #519 Less than 24 hours

whisperingskye Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2017 Location: - Posts: 1,526 7 1,177 hugs given	Jun 18, 2017 at 06:56 PM #520 0. But its not enough __________________ Tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Tired of wasting breath, tired of nothing left. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Failure. Failure - Breaking Benjamin