[rainydaywoman12]

And then I cut today. It's a comfort in many ways. Anyone else gone that long and.."relapsed"? What did you do after?

[splitimage]

I didn't have quite a year, before what turned out to be my last episode of SI. I had maybe 10 or 11 months, and had been in the process of going longer and longer between episodes over a 12 year period of active SI'ing.

I was forced into attending a day hospital program, under threat of involuntary hospitalization if I didn't go to the day program, and I was so angry I SI'd. Didn't even consider that I was trying to quit, I just knew it would make me feel better. And it did calm me down.

You're right it can be comforting. The thing is the relief is temporary, and I never felt good long term after doing it.

The next morning I felt bad that I'd given in, and nothing had changed. I still had to do the day hospital, only now I had to go in with fresh scars on my arm. And I felt sad. And I made up my mind that I was never going to go back to that very black place where SI was a regular part of of my life, again.

That turned out to be the last time I SI'd. That was Feb. 11, 2011.

I still get urges from time to time. But I just think to myself, "Nope don't want to go back there."

You can make up your mind, that this is your last time. You've proven you can go a long time without it, so you can do it again, and just keep on not giving into the urges.

splitimage

[random_emotion]

I went eight years without cutting before having a major relapse. I went back to cutting regularly at first. When I first relapsed I was put into a IOP(intensive out patient) program and after that was hospitalized a few times. But lately I am in DBT and have only cut once in over six months. I am fighting to keep my latest slip from turning into a relapse. But I don't really have a good reason not to so I don't know how it will go but I guess thats just how it goes.