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Poohbah
Member Since Oct 2013
Location: Underworld
Posts: 1,343
10 590 hugs
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#1
I hate this feeling. I hate it. I haven't cut in 2 years, but it's still the first thing I think about when I get upset or depressed. It's the only thing that gets rid of the feelings and I know it can and will. My other coping mechanisms are merely ways to keep myself busy but the thoughts and feelings don't go away. Cutting is my bliss.
Yet I can't bring myself to do it anymore, I get my boxcutter out, and thats a comfort to have. But I am afraid. I don't know whether it's the fear of starting and not being able to stop like before, if it's the fear of failure, or the fear of going to deep like last time. Maybe it's a combination. My therapist finds this a good thing, but it leaves me with a very caged-in, trapped walls closing in, angry, restless, aching feeling in me. It's becoming a constant battle every night. Whether to stop or bring myself to do it I don't even know anymore. I just can't stand feeling like an orca, held in captivity against their will til they die |
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Anonymous32451, Bill3
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#2
((((hugs))))))
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