It has been ___ days since I SIed -- Part W!!

Hey Bill, what's up? As usual, please count me out from your billable hours, thanks

Here's a little confession, I believe the last time I cut was somewhere in mid-December last year, it's pathetic that I can't still part with my tool kit. I bought enough supplies to last a while, and there's not much left now, so that's a good thing.

I hope people who's gotten over SI been posting on sticky thread(s) with helpful tips. My strategy has always been with my intellect, and tonight, I'm thinking about old neuro pathways and me, we like each other...

The reason for this post is quite selfish and I have tendencies to complain about things, and one of which is 'Boys cut too!' type of internet messages, I think it's wrong to spread words like that. I blame Muggle-born Hermione Granger for this trend, if you think enough about it, what one has to deal with cutting is the same for men and women, 'Boys have feelings too, let's talk!', damn right men have feelings, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who's sick of women ambassador type talking about guy stuff, we don't know how much her pretty face has been causing irreparable damage in some boy's life, I dare say she doesn't care, you're welcome to hate me.

If I have to look up some celebrities as inspiration to quit SIing, we do have plenty to choose from these days, am I correct? I remember liking old Angelina Jolie's magazine interview, according to the story I was reading, she handled the nosy magazine person pretty well, and she hasn't had good relationship with her dad, that's all I know. What's private is private, 'asking, talking, and telling', there are subtle differences in the way we communicate, so long as one's not in the position of giving up on oneself, someone could say or do something, that being said, it's still a sensitive issue...

Well, on a slightly related note, I was thinking about Chester Bennington's suicide the other day, one could think this as the most serious bad ending from our mental health problems. It just makes me think of a family, I have no particular feelings but I remember my mother telling me my uncle died leaving a wife and small kids, it just upsets me that it was my mother who let me know the news, she had no additional comment other than cold-hearted reporting. (I don't do 'implicit', the society I live in works this way though... I could vomit and drown in the liquid just thinking about this human oddities... Here I sit, thinking, 'Looking for a sign that someone's in mental trouble', what I can say at this point is it seems like contextual and personal, and it can not be logically sound or verifiable as a good thing to do, this is just my way of giving ****, hope readers can understand that.)

People can only send and receive general messages, and we can get the stats of either success or failure of prevention campaigns and what not, if one's in a frame of mind to mirror the herd, it's not healthy. Another person's stories are what they are, they are someone else's. Unless one finds a way to advocate for oneself, speaking from the mental health angle, I see no easy way of saving someone. Spokeswomen are just presenters, I'm not saying it's reprehensible, I will never say such a thing. What are we trying to represent exactly?

If there is one way for things to be looked at, it has to count.

Edited to Add:
There's this documentary about economic disparity and how children are growing up in those environment, it's from HBO film, you can easily find it if you haven't seen it. I knew something wasn't right with this one kid's facial expression, pardon my spoiler. Inequality exists.

The last time I hurt myself was in Nov 2016. I still have my implements. Even replaced one that was broken.
If I don't have an object, I will think about getting them and probably will, at some point.
Ask yourself. Your tool kit is nearly empty. If you were to throw it out, and you'd eventually get a new one, would it be a nearly empty one again? Or would it be a full one? Maybe even a more damaging tool?

If I have a blunt implement, that's enough. But if I throw it out, I'll end up buying a new one - one that's actually sharp.

This Dalmatian puppies hug tho.

It’s been a long enough time now, I am sure I am over it and won’t do it again. So, it happened during a brief time in my life when I was beyond frustrated with my situation.

I ran out of my supplies. Haven't replaced them because of my living situation. Also it is very hot here and I like going to the beach. I wonder what I will do without my supplies. But I'm fine, especially because I'm fine on my own and I don't need anything other than myself. It's probably not necessary to cut myself. I am really ashamed of saying this, but I really find cutting enjoyable, and maybe that is why I have continued so long. I am not necessarily the most tortured person.



it's been about a month, maybe less.

I don’t know how long it’s been, but I’m very tempted right now

just one

I haven't been here for a while. Hugs to people who need them.
For each of us, any time is an achievement, 1 day or 100 days.

((((((TishaBuv)))))) ((((((Whisperingskye))))))) ((((((shattered sanity))))))

Sorry if I missed you, is part my bed time but didn't want to ignore you all.

I ****ed up. I’m back at zero. It was bad. **** it.

I’m really sorry that you are hurting.



How long had it been whisperingskye?

I got to a month. I really wish I was done with this.

Yes please do get it looked at.

A month is excellent! Well done!

How is it today whisperingskye?



And how are you feeling?

(((((whisperingskye)))))

It is ok thanks, I got it patched up in the end. I’m feeling a bit better today, just annoyed at myself for giving in.

Last time was Sunday, so 1 full day. Needed stitches again. Mood is awful and having a lot of su thoughts. It's just been rough.

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

(((((childofchaos831)))))



i'm really sorry that you are hurting so much right now.

I didn't think I'd make it. I still feel the urge to do it almost every day but seeing how far I've come motivates me to keep going.
Take care everyone and don't give up ❤️

Congratulations snowflake20!!

Great job keeping going despite the daily urges!!

What helps you resist the urges?

Not doing so hot. It has been almost 6 days and today my coworker showed me his scars and talked about exactly how bad it had been for him. I didn't bring it up, he did. I wonder if people feel ok telling me that kind of stuff or if he is just open like that.

Anyway, it’s been on my mind. My ability to plan is weakened by my mental state, and that makes me even more unhappy with myself. I am in need of some grounding.

only 1.....