It has been ___ days since I SIed -- Part W!!

Day 1 again and I don't deserve to be kind to myself.

I'm a turd.

(((((whispershadow)))))

You are not a turd.

This time was four days? How long have you been going generally lately?

2 years, 7 months, and 27 days.

I mean I'd congratulate myself but I just can't

That's a lie. Your mind is enabling you to do it again, don't let your brain tell you you deserve it, that it's punishment. you control you mind, don't let it control you. one of my professors used to say 'your thoughts control your emotions' you are the boss. dont let any one, even yourself, tell you differently.

The most I have ever managed is two weeks.

Thanks! And what would you say roughly your average has been?

Daeva your work is very longstanding and admirable. Well done!

Once a day, maybe, idk

Okay so four days was much longer than you have been able to do recently. It was not your longest ever, but it was good when seen in recent context. That’s good! You can keep working on it and aim for gradual overall improvement, no doubt with ups and downs. You can do it!

Bill is right whisper, you beat it with four days when it was begging you to do it once a day. You were the boss then.

One thing that always helped me stay "sober" so to speak with cutting, was when I got the urge I'd tell myself, 'Okay this is painful, it feels like it's going to overwhelm me, but I know it won't I'll survive because I have before, even before I began cutting. So since I know I'll survive why not just wait an hour to cut? What's the harm, if I want to do it then I can. It's my choice, my safety net is there." So I waited an hour, then if I still wanted to cut I'd go, "well I did an hour, let's see if I can do another." and so on and so forth until eventually I didn't want to do it then. It's difficult, I won't lie, but you can do it. I cut cause I wanted the release from overwhelming feelings, so if you hurt yourself to feel pain I don't know if this would help as much.

Bill: Thanks. Even if I feel like ****, at least someone understands how hard it's been. It's so easy for my therapist--who wasn't even my therapist when I was cutting (I've gone through 3 since her)--to tell me 'oh thats great' like she doesn't get it. My first T gets it. the last time I saw her was one year ago and she positively beamed at me when I told her. It's nice. I havent had that feeling in a while, I guess pride is what it is, so thank you.

Thank you so much I'm 24 days clean now !

1 day. Was IP but still managed to harm. Trich stuff and some other minor SH.

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

I'm really struggling not to cut today. The number three has been after me since yesterday and it tells me it will only leave me alone if I cut.

I've managed 7 days so far.

Good job reaching seven days whispershadow!

What is the significance of the number three to you?

Hang in there! Know that you are doing excellent work regardless of daily ups and downs.

Three has done bad things to me in my life, and other things as well

Annnnnnnd this piece of scum is back to day zero

(((((whispershadow)))))

You are not a piece of scum.

Seven days is a valuable, positive step. You can start another good run.

Day zero again, crappy day

relapsed after 2 years. i just got tired of getting third degree for doing something correct and doing something wrong. feels like no matter what i do its not good enough. i just wanted to cry and this was the only way

(((((spiritpanda))))))