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Old 11-23-2018, 12:17 PM #1
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Trig Self Injury ~ Abandonment

Due to my self-injury and inability to get "better" and improve in my illnesses and destructive behavior, my therapist is "firing" me. He does not want to see me anymore, because he is not sure he is helping me. If I did not have him in my life, I would be dead. I don't know what to do. Due to my childhood trauma and BPD, I have an intense fear of abandonment. This only feeds the hunger of my fear of abandonment, and I feel if he leaves me, I will do something extremely self destructive, and may even go as far as killing myself. I do not want to blame him, so it will be my fault if I kill myself. I really don't want to lose him. Anyone have any advice?
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Last edited by Anonymous59786; 11-23-2018 at 02:06 PM. Reason: Added trigger
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Old 11-23-2018, 03:05 PM #2
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Trig Re: Self Injury ~ Abandonment

Hello sadveiledbride: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. If you are feeling suicidal, it is important to reach out, in real life, for the help you need. But, in the meantime, please read the message on the website below. It has helped many people who have been where you are:

Suicide: Read This First

I have to say I just hate it when I read about therapists "firing" clients. What an absolute copout! If a therapist feels s/he isn't helping then s/he has a responsibility to at least try to arrange for the client to see someone who possibly can help. Cut-and-run is not an ethical therapeutic practice, in my opinion.

That said however, if your T is going to fire you, there may not be much you can do about it other than to find a new therapist. But that is what you need to do. There is a sense in which being so attached to one's therapist that one would consider killing oneself, if they lost their T, is not healthy either. So perhaps, all things considered, finding a new therapist isn't the worst thing that could happen? Perhaps it could be a welcome fresh start for you?

So that's my advice. Reach out for help in real life in whatever way works for you given your situation. If you also see a psychiatrist talk to that person, or talk with a trusted family member or friend. Or, if you're truly feeling suicidal, go to the emergency services department of your hospital. And then work on finding a new, better, therapist. And keep posting here on PC as well. It can help too.

Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on how to find a good therapist:

How Do You Find a Good Therapist? An Interview with Dr. John Grohol

10 Ways to Find a Good Therapist

How to Find a Good Therapist

Please take care. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

P.S. You might also consider introducing yourself, to the general membership here on PC, over on the new member introductions forum. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/
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Old 11-24-2018, 02:56 PM #3
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Default Re: Self Injury ~ Abandonment

Quote:
Originally Posted by sadveiledbride View Post
Due to my self-injury and inability to get "better" and improve in my illnesses and destructive behavior, my therapist is "firing" me. He does not want to see me anymore, because he is not sure he is helping me. If I did not have him in my life, I would be dead. I don't know what to do. Due to my childhood trauma and BPD, I have an intense fear of abandonment. This only feeds the hunger of my fear of abandonment, and I feel if he leaves me, I will do something extremely self destructive, and may even go as far as killing myself. I do not want to blame him, so it will be my fault if I kill myself. I really don't want to lose him. Anyone have any advice?


is their anyone else you can talk to about your problems

at least until you sort out the issues with the therapist (either getting a new one, or trying to work around what's not helping)

has he said why he thinks he's not helping you?
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Old 11-24-2018, 02:58 PM #4
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Default Re: Self Injury ~ Abandonment

(((((sadveiledbride))))) you deserve to be helped I wish someone would help you in real life
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Old 11-26-2018, 03:04 PM #5
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Default Re: Self Injury ~ Abandonment

(((((sadveiledbride)))))) I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope that you can find someone in real life to help you. In the meantime, keep writing here. We are listening.
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Old 11-27-2018, 07:04 PM #6
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Default Re: Self Injury ~ Abandonment

Thanks, everyone. I've felt better in the last few days.
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Old 01-09-2019, 07:35 AM #7
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Default Re: Self Injury ~ Abandonment

You know that I care what happens to you,
And I know that you care for me.
So I don't feel alone,
Or the weight of the stone,
Now that I've found somewhere safe
To bury my bone.
And any fool knows a dog needs a home,
A shelter from pigs on the wing.
-Pink Floyd


Quis hic locus?, quae regio?, quae mundi plaga? What world is this?... What kingdom?... What shores of what worlds? It's a very big question you're faced with, Susanna. The *choice* of your *life*. How much will you indulge in your flaws? What are your flaws? Are they flaws?... If you embrace them, will you commit yourself to hospital?... for life? Big questions, big decisions! Not surprising you profess carelessness about them.
-Girl Interrupted, Dr. Wick

And I apologize, I prefer The Cure to The Smiths....

In the end, you need no one but yourself in this life. I hope you find that in time, and I hope you allow yourself time. There is too much to sacrifice for so little in return when it comes to self harm.

Please be safe.
Much love.

Marilyn
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Old 01-10-2019, 02:38 AM #8
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Default Re: Self Injury ~ Abandonment

thank you marilyn for the comment, will keep it in thought
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Old 01-16-2019, 12:58 PM #9
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Default Re: Self Injury ~ Abandonment

How are you doing now, sadveiledbride?
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Old 01-16-2019, 08:57 PM #10
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Default Re: Self Injury ~ Abandonment

Hi Bill, I'm okay, I initially didn't mention this on the post but as it turns out, my therapist isn't leaving me, he is still OK and well. I am currently seeing him and a female therapist, the one I made a post about her blaming. It is going OK, I suppose. I am doing alright. Thanks for the comment!
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