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Old 02-11-2019, 10:46 AM #1
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It's been 15 years since I have tried to commit suicide. My mother refused to visit me in the hospital because she was embarrassed and said the nurses hate people who arent sick.
When I finally came out, I was relieved and didnt think I would be there again.

This time I'm 29. I have cried for 3 days straight. I have taken to much clonazepam and it hasn't touched the distress. My eyes are bruised and swollen from crying.

I cant pull myself out of it. I want to die. I have had enough and I cant feel any strength i need to pull through.

I dont know where to turn.. I dont wsnt to go the hospital. I dont know what to do now.
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Old 02-11-2019, 11:24 AM #2
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Please don't take extra clonazepam--it is a downer and increases the risk of suicide in people who are depressed. You need an upper, pot, or your zoloft (I hate Zoloft but it does numb my emotions better than when I take xanax which is a lot like clonazepam). It may take a while--but your distress will eventually lessen. I promise. Please don't injury yourself. I still feel guilty about the damage I may have done to my family when I made an attempt. The guilt will always cause me distress whenever my family is not doing well. You have been so brave for the sake of your children. Think of them whenever you consider it. Hugs.
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Old 02-11-2019, 11:33 AM #3
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Originally Posted by Nowinners View Post


Please don't take extra clonazepam--it is a downer and increases the risk of suicide in people who are depressed. You need an upper, pot, or your zoloft (I hate Zoloft but it does numb my emotions better than when I take xanax which is a lot like clonazepam). It may take a while--but your distress will eventually lessen. I promise. Please don't injury yourself. I still feel guilty about the damage I may have done to my family when I made an attempt. The guilt will always cause me distress whenever my family is not doing well. You have been so brave for the sake of your children. Think of them whenever you consider it. Hugs.
Thank you so much for the reply. I dont want to hurt myself as such.. I just keep praying that I want to die. That maybe I am crazy and its just better than I wouldn't be here.

I have tried so hard after I left an abusive marriage to raise the kids, I work my butt off, exhausted, I dont see friends and I handled it well until their father let me.kmow he has a girlfriend who can do things I never did.

I feel sick and worthless. I'm in so much pain, my legs dont seem to work. I'm just in so so so much pain I don't feel I can endure it.

Plus the embarrassment that comes along with it. I just want this to stop
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Old 02-11-2019, 11:35 AM #4
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HUGS Zedsdead. I'm sorry you are hurting so much. Have you tried calling a hotline? Sometimes it helps just to have someone to talk to. HUGS Kit
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Old 02-11-2019, 12:13 PM #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zedsdead View Post
...That maybe I am crazy...

I work my butt off, exhausted, I dont see friends and I handled it well until their father let me.kmow he has a girlfriend who can do things I never did.

I feel sick and worthless. I'm in so much pain, my legs dont seem to work. I'm just in so so so much pain I don't feel I can endure it.

Plus the embarrassment that comes along with it. I just want this to stop
If you struggle with wondering whether you are crazy--I take back the thought about pot.

I understand the embarrassment but, logically, he is the one who should feel embarrassed about being the kind of person who would talk about a new gf with you. He did this just to make you hurt. He knows how to hurt you. You are better off without him. Try to remember that. Eventually, you will feel sorry for the gf (though I wonder how long she will stay around).
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