I Am On The Verge Of A Relapse, Help

I have struggled with self harm for many years. I have cut myself since I was 11, and I have even engaged in even more dangerous acts of self harm such as intentional overdose and punching myself in the head. Now, after having been clean from SI for two months, I have an urge to go back to it. I keep having urges to cut myself again, and I don't know how I'm going to be able to stop myself.

All of this stems from the fact that back when I was in eastern Europe, I was beaten by my parents whenever I spoke up about anything. Whenever I tried to voice any sort of opinion that they didn't agree with, they beat me. They sometimes put cigarettes out on me and then as an adult, I suffered repeated sexual abuse at the hands of a "family friend". With my family looking the other way, not seeming to care.

During all these years, cutting was my coping mechanism. It was my way of feeling like I had some ownership of my body, no matter how small. Even though, I had none. I had no body autonomy whatsoever

But all of a sudden, the urges are cropping up even though I have been clean. But this time, I really want to be able to cope. Because I do not want to fall victim to that self destructive demon within me.

please think twice before doing it. Remember all the fun things, stuff that you enjoy doing, and people who love you and will get hurt if you do that. you are strong, and you can control yourself not to do destructive thing It won’t make anything better

I'm sorry you have been through so much trauma Monkey1111. Do you have a therapist by chance? Congrats on the two months clean from Self Harm. That's great! I know the urges suck, and they don't go away easily and they can be downright bothersome. You are away from the people that hurt you now right? You do not need to give them any more power by hurting yourself. You belong to you. No one else. And you don't deserve hurt. HUGS Kit

I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I'm not unfamiliar with self-harm myself. Here's a link to an article, from PC's archives. It is a Psych Central Professional article. So it is targeted at mental health professionals. But I think the content is worthwhile for someone who is struggling with self-harm to read as well:

3 Tips for Helping Patients Struggling with Self-Injury

And then, also, I thought I would draw your attention to the "Sticky" at the top of the Self-Injury page regarding things to do instead to hurting yourself:

Things to do instead of hurting yourself

My best wishes to you...

I didn't do it, and with time, now the urges seem to be gone for now. Thank you for your support. You all helped me to get through this without succumbing to the urges. Thank you all so much.