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Member Since Apr 2019
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#1
New to forum so hello (if anyone ever reads this)... So when I was younger, just out of highschool I guess it was. I would break drinking glasses and use the shards to cut my arms. It was nothing serious, as in I never cut myself too deeply or hit any arteries. Eventually, I developed different "coping mechanisms" instead and the habit waned. Now I'm in my early thirties and, after an argument with my son, I decided I was just fed up and tired of being unhappy. Im not sure what my intention was, but I went into the bathroom with a box cutter and went to work on my wrists, again the cuts we're superficial. When I was done I was so exhausted I fell asleep on a bath mat in the middle of the day. I slept for hours. When I woke up I wandered into bed and slept the remainder of that day and night away too.
The only person I told that I did this was my boyfriend, who looked at the wounds without comment. I guess that's what compelled me to write this. You see, I was already embarrassed by my actions. With the cuts in the right place I was not making suicide attempt. I don't know what I was thinking or trying to do really, but his complete lack of concern left me feeling embarrassed by what I had done.. As the title says "too old to be doing this". Just venting I guess. I would like to ask him why he didn't care that this happened, which is what it seems like, but I've already told him I'm embarrassed by my behavior, and he just has nothing to say. Anyway If anyone read this, thanks for listening. Last edited by CANDC; Apr 28, 2019 at 08:57 PM.. Reason: Methods of Sui Removed |
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Ember_42, Fuzzybear, Humpty Dumpty, StripedTapir
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#2
I'm currently going through something similar. I've relapsed recently after a long time, I'm 29 now. For me it was a reaction to having a fight with my mom. I also relate to your embarrassment. For me it's been quite shameful to feel like I'm not able to handle things in the 'adult' way that I feel like I should. I've only been on this forum for a few days myself but have already seen more stories like ours. You're not alone. As to how your boyfriend reacted. I don't know him but maybe he just didn't know how to react and didn't want to say the wrong thing. It's a difficult thing to understand if you haven't experienced it yourself. I hope you get through this tough time soon. I'm here if you want to chat.
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Ember_42, StripedTapir
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#3
I can relate. I'm struggling again for the first time in a while. actually cried at work and ended up cutting myself in the bathroom. I feel like I should be past this by now. like Ms Sunflower said, i'm here if you want to talk
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Ember_42, StripedTapir
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#4
I'm quite a bit older than all of you and I've relapsed several times in my life. A couple of weeks a ago I was right there, a shattered mess. It can happen. You get through it. Beating yourself up about it emotionally only adds to the guilt and shame and makes it harder to deal with the underlying problems that started it all.
A lot of times men are kind of taught to repress their own emotions. They get told to "man up". Especially if he hasn't had any experience with self harm, he might have been worried or scared but not known what to say or how to handle the situation so he just withdrew and hid any reaction he might have felt. Talk to him about it. Or maybe write him an email telling him why you did it and how you feel about his reaction. Maybe he can express what he's feeling better that way? |
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StripedTapir
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#5
Maybe your bf just didn't know what to say. Most of the people in my life just don't know what to say. My parents ignore it, unless I have to go to the hospital. Friends talk around it. My Therapist (T) doesn't even have much to say about it. I don't think it's about being too old to do something, it's about being too distressed that emotional resources can't cope. Try not to beat yourself up about having harmed yourself. That only makes it worse. HUGS Kit
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StripedTapir
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#6
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New Member
Member Since Apr 2019
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#7
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for their input and for sharing their experiences with this issue. There's not much worse in life then getting stuck in your own head.. as much as it sucks to know other people are suffering at least we know we aren't suffering alone.
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Angelornot, StripedTapir
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Angelornot, Ember_42, MsSunflower
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#8
I get it. I often say to myself "What are you, a teenage girl seeking attention? No you're a grown *** man. Now act like 1." I am 38 will be 39 in a couple of months. Growing up it was ingrained in me that teenage girls did this kind of stuff to get attention. Now that I'm older I know better. Not a day goes by where I don't want to cut. Some days the urge is stronger than others.
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SlumberKitty, StripedTapir
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#9
Please don't take offense to what I said. It was ment to show as an adult you're not the only one that struggles with this.
__________________ It's only paranoia until it happens. Why I don't trust doctors Things You Wish People Understood About Depression I mean what I say & I say what I mean. |
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SlumberKitty, StripedTapir
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