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DelaneyC
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Trig May 11, 2019 at 12:29 PM
  #1
i have a question and answer honestly...

do you ever get too old for self harm?

personally for me you don't "grow out of it" you start and rarely stop...at least in my case

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Default May 11, 2019 at 04:05 PM
  #2
I don't believe you do.

me... I've been on and off since I was 9 and I'm in my 30's now
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Default May 12, 2019 at 01:22 AM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by DelaneyC View Post
i have a question and answer honestly...

do you ever get too old for self harm?

personally for me you don't "grow out of it" you start and rarely stop...at least in my case
I was told this by a counselor AS I ADMITTED TO DOING IT!

I truly wanted to just walk out of that office .. but back then, I was a person that would just sit there like a punching bag no matter how much or who flung the abuse at me.

The counselor even had the nerve to laugh at me - bc I was 35. Told me I was just doing it for attention.

I will tell you the truth. I did it bc I was hurting so bad inside there was no way to get it out. I did it the way I did - bc nobody would listen when I would say what was wrong. They would laugh or tell me I was lying or that it wasn't that bad, etc .. so.. I made sure they had to view it n read it, if they would not listen. So it served a dual purpose for me. It was cathartic. It was a means of expression (not attention) so people understood.

I have not done it for close to 10yrs now - but the past couple weeks, the urges are strong again. What keeps me away is I remember how it stopped working unless I dug a bit deeper - and how I also had a sense of shame about doing it and how proud I am of being clean of it.

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Default May 13, 2019 at 02:42 PM
  #4
So far I haven't gotten too old for it...and I'm in my 30's. Some people seem to think it's a teenage thing. But that hasn't been my experience.

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Default May 13, 2019 at 06:13 PM
  #5
I actually didn't start SHing until a few years ago and I'm in my 30s....
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Default May 13, 2019 at 06:15 PM
  #6
I think anyone who says you're "too old" for it is insensitive and doesn't understand how it works. I do think it may be more common in younger people simply because they haven't yet learned other coping mechanisms. But it's a matter of when you get help and if that help is effective, not age.
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Default May 13, 2019 at 11:45 PM
  #7
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Originally Posted by downandlonely View Post
I think anyone who says you're "too old" for it is insensitive and doesn't understand how it works. I do think it may be more common in younger people simply because they haven't yet learned other coping mechanisms. But it's a matter of when you get help and if that help is effective, not age.
I honestly think it's more that it's just less talked about (seen as taboo) within society - and even the psych field - when it comes to adults who SH. As a teen .. I was emotionally hurt over n over n over again - yet, I did not SH at all in my teens ... I internalized. I started SH when internalization no longer worked and the people around me showed in a variety of ways they did not want to "listen to my problems" or help me at all and I found my distractions no longer distracted .. many times bc I did not even care enough to try anymore. I started SH .. as warped as it sounds .. simply bc I still cared enough about me to want to survive and it was the only way I knew to be "heard". Stopping was much harder than starting though. Both bc I feared going back to being unheard (which I still mostly was other than when ppl saw my SH) and bc I did feel the cathartic effect. Yet - I knew I needed to stop bc it made me feel a mix of shame and of relief and victory ... but the shame kept growing more n more strong whilst the relief and victory grew weaker n weaker.

So .. convincing myself I truly needed to stop in those moments I was in my deepest emotional pain - was like trying to convince myself why it is better amputate vs continue try to heal an infected limb that is not responding to any treatment thus far. I simply held on to the "good" parts of it - and tried to push away the bad. I eventually had to decide which emotional pain was worse. The one causing me to SH or the shame I inflict upon myself when I SH. I decided the shame was worse and made a plan to help ... took several tries .. eventually I got to where I am now.

I do not believe the urges will ever completely go away. There will be long stretches I go without any urges. Then something happens - and they are back. Now I know how to handle them.

When I started SH - all I knew was the pain I was in and the isolation I felt.

I also believe that's why many teens turn to it..

I don't think it's something done out of ignorance, but just out of desparation for immediate release of emotional pain.

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