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NotDeadYet
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Trig Jul 13, 2019 at 06:33 PM
  #1
Well, if you can even call it that, it wasn't that deep, pretty superficial but enough to draw blood (also I don't know if skin picking counts as self harm) I stupidly did a couple lines on my arm before moving to my thigh but thankfully no ones cared or noticed the ones on my arm. Probably just looks like typical injuries I always get.

I was aiming to slit my throat but wimped out. I always carry a razor blade in my wallet as a just in case thing, who knows when you need one, y'know? But now I kinda just feel like **** that I didn't go deeper. Like I'm just being an attention ***** for not doing something worse, something that would actually leave scars. It feels like I can't even self harm correctly to make myself feel better...
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Default Jul 14, 2019 at 03:32 AM
  #2
hello not dead yet,

I'm sorry to hear you self- harmed for the first time.

what do you think made you want to do it?. what were you thinking at the time?

I am glad that you never went deeper and hope that you feel better now
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Default Jul 14, 2019 at 10:16 AM
  #3
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Originally Posted by raging vortex View Post
hello not dead yet,

I'm sorry to hear you self- harmed for the first time.

what do you think made you want to do it?. what were you thinking at the time?

I am glad that you never went deeper and hope that you feel better now
Thanks and I'm not quite sure why. I was planning on downing a bunch of pills and killing myself at work but sorta wimped out at 4 and just sat in the bathroom for a bit staring at the blade. I just slid it down my arm, not really thinking since I didn't think it was that sharp but apparently I just wasn't feeling any of the pain.

Actually the main reason was that I pretty much felt no pain. Even though I was cutting deep enough to draw blood it felt like nothing (hurt more today so idk). I was feeling like **** due to typical paranoia and the fear that everyone truly hates me and that I'm just a drain on everyone's existence. I've also always thought that maybe if I was the typical mentally ill person that self harmed then maybe people might take me seriously? And watching the blood seep out was pretty distracting.
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Default Jul 14, 2019 at 10:27 AM
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Thanks and I'm not quite sure why. I was planning on downing a bunch of pills and killing myself at work but sorta wimped out at 4 and just sat in the bathroom for a bit staring at the blade. I just slid it down my arm, not really thinking since I didn't think it was that sharp but apparently I just wasn't feeling any of the pain.

Actually the main reason was that I pretty much felt no pain. Even though I was cutting deep enough to draw blood it felt like nothing (hurt more today so idk). I was feeling like **** due to typical paranoia and the fear that everyone truly hates me and that I'm just a drain on everyone's existence. I've also always thought that maybe if I was the typical mentally ill person that self harmed then maybe people might take me seriously? And watching the blood seep out was pretty distracting.


next time (if their is a next time), I truly hope not, but if their is, their is a thread up the top of this forum called "reasons not too", and I hope that reading through that, and also getting some feedback here about what people do to distract themselves when they get the thoughts, that will help you feel a bit better
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Default Jul 15, 2019 at 11:40 AM
  #5
I'm sorry you self harmed. I know it can be a substitute for not doing something worse, and I've definitely used it as such myself on occasion. Cutting can be really addictive so try and be careful. I often don't feel pain either when I'm cutting though it does hurt later. I guess its the endorphins or whatever that get pushed out into the system. I'm sorry you felt like you had to hurt yourself in order to be taken seriously. Keep talking here if it helps. We're listening. HUGS Kit

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