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Crazygrl882
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Default Jul 23, 2019 at 08:53 PM
  #1
I posted before. I’m having trouble with cutting again after not doing it for a while. Now it’s started again. My boyfriend and i got into a fight and he woke me up at 4am and was screaming at me and saying horrible things to me. Very abusive. Then he came back in and dumped me. Then my anxiety went to a level 15 out of 10. I took a klonopin to get back to sleep. So I was ok Friday although stressed. Then Saturday I went to my friends party and I had a few drinks and I couldn’t get rid of my anxiety. Others were there and my friend was there but the anxiety remained. All I could think was how good it would feel to cut myself. So I left and got home and took my razor I shave my legs with apart to get a razor and cut my hip on like 8 small slices. I felt better. I bandaged it. It wasn’t that deep and underware covered it. Then Monday I felt horrible when I woke up with horrible anxiety. I went to a dr appointment and after still felt awful. I had taken a klonopin but it did nothing. So I took 3 shots of vodka. I felt a bit more calm. My friend told me to come to her salon because i Said I felt depressed. She gave me a pedicure and I felt a bit happier. Then later my ex was texting me and the anxiety came back. I didn’t know what to do. The only thing I thought was my razor. I cut myself again now deeper and lower. Now my I underwear don’t cover it all because there are a lot of cuts. My ex said he wanted to come over and talk. I took 3 more shots of vodka. He talked to me and argued. I told him he made me feel out of control. I didn’t want to act like I was seeking attention but I told him I cut myself. He said no more cutting. He knows I did it before. He said he wants to get back together. He said he loves me. After all that abusive language, which has happened before, I want sure but I said ok. I just want to not cut. When my anxiety is out of control What do I do to calm down? I called and asked if I can get in to my therapist if there is a cancellation. I know the guy is no good for me. That’s a separate issue. I just feel cutting is all that calms me when my anxiety is out of control and my klonopin won’t help.

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Default Jul 24, 2019 at 11:04 AM
  #2
I hear you. Cutting works when nothing else seems to work. There's nothing else like it. But for me, I'm trying to get to the point, where even though I can't replace Self Harm, I can do lots of other stuff so I don't self harm. I'm not there yet. I cut 4 days ago. But I just feel like we need to keep trying, in face of it all. That it's worth it. That we are worth it. That cutting can't win. I hope you get in to see your therapist soon. I see mine on Tuesday and it still feels far away. HUGS Kit.

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Default Jul 24, 2019 at 01:33 PM
  #3
Like what other stuff do you do?

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Default Jul 24, 2019 at 02:02 PM
  #4
Hold ice, draw, (my T wants me to draw mandalas), exercise, play basketball with my Dad, snuggle with my kitties, basically anything that can get me distracted. Different things work at different times and sometimes nothing works.

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Default Jul 24, 2019 at 03:12 PM
  #5
Yeah I think one problem is I’m stuck at home with a severe ankle sprain and usually I work out and it helps with my anxiety but I can’t do anything and can’t hardly walk (and it’s been 2 weeks) but all I can do it sit and watch tv and think about stuff. I did go to my friends party but didn’t really socialize since I had to sit on the couch with my foot elevated. So the anxiety is building up worse...... I could try drawing and I’ve heard of holding ice. Maybe I’ll try that next time. I hope my therapist can get me in but so far haven’t heard anything.

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Default Jul 25, 2019 at 12:18 PM
  #6
HUGS Crazygrl882. I hope your T can get you in soon, and I'm sorry to hear about your ankle sprain. I've heard that spraining your ankle can be worse than breaking it. I broke my ankle (accidentally) last year and it took forever to heal. It was still swollen when I got the cast off. I think it took a good six months to heal and sometimes it is still weird. What did your doctor say? Sometimes there are wraps and stuff that can help.

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Default Jul 25, 2019 at 01:07 PM
  #7
She said rest elevate and ice and keep it wrapped up for compression. She said it may take up to six weeks to heal so I’m pretty much stuck on the couch. I was used to working out to deal with some of my stress and anxiety and now I can’t do that. My therapist can’t get me in. There are no cancellations. I’m just on a waiting list. I really wish I could get in. My best friend who lives out of state said he could call but his wife is having some problems so he may not be able to. I just want to talk to someone candidly. I have no one here to do that with. I did kind of talk to my boyfriend but he doesn’t understand cutting. I had a tattoo appointment to fix some stars on my back and he thought I wanted the appointment bc he thought getting the tattoo was like cutting. I told him he has no idea about any of this.

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Default Jul 26, 2019 at 06:12 PM
  #8
I'm sorry you are stuck on the couch, and I'm sorry you can't get in to see your T. I don't really have anyone to talk to about cutting and stuff either, except here on PC and with my therapist. My therapist is pretty good but I don't see her all that frequently. She has jobs at two centers and so there's not a lot of availability. There are some appointments really late at night like 9:30 PM but I get up at 4:30 AM usually...so I'm in bed by then. So I have to wait until she has a 5 o'clock or a 6:30 or something reasonable. I'm sorry your boyfriend doesn't understand. The one person that should be able to really hear you. I don't have a boyfriend, and I haven't had one in a while. My last boyfriend didn't understand about cutting either. He dumped me when he found out about it. That sucked.

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Default Jul 27, 2019 at 12:28 PM
  #9
Sorry to hear about your boyfriend and therapist. I just got an appointment for Monday so I’m happy about that. There was a cancellation. I cut one more time so I really want to talk to her. I had texted my friend who lives out of state to try to get some support but he didn’t respond so I cut and then he responded. Wish I’d just waited. I told him not to worry anymore. It was super late at night so I understand him not getting back right away. Plus he’s married he probably shouldn’t be getting texts late at night. But I had no one to talk to. I think I’m done with my boyfriend. Every time I’m with him he fights with me. Last night I showed him this sheet I filled out at my grief support group about how I felt the day my dad died and how I’m feeling now. He said Iran been 7 months I should be over it. I said it happened 3/24. That’s 4 months! And some people in my grief support group lost their husband like a year ago or one guy lost his son to Suicide 3 years ago. My boyfriend said that’s wrong. You have to move on. He said he lost his parents and he moved on. I was so hurt. We got in an argument. I said I expected a hug when he read that not that! I think he makes things worse.

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Default Jul 29, 2019 at 11:15 AM
  #10
I hope your appointment with your T goes well today. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. It takes as long as it takes. I am lucky that I still have both of my parents but I lost my last living grandparent last year. It's still hard. It sounds like things aren't great with your boyfriend. I'm sure you love him but does he love you? I'm not great with boyfriend advice because I haven't dated much but I just think life is too short to not be with someone who treats you well.

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