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Jayne13
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Default Aug 15, 2019 at 07:49 PM
  #1
My whole right arm is covered in si scars, and I don’t care. I don’t bother to cover it anymore. Anyone else? I just cut where and when I want to, and don’t care what anyone says anymore. Anyone else?
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Default Aug 16, 2019 at 07:05 AM
  #2
apart from getting a little irritated when someone notices (but I usually make up some story), that or say " I don't know", I don't care either.

it's actually surprising how many people have asked me, I've replied saying I have no idea where it came from, and they left it.

either they are completely taken in by that statement and are actually quite stupid, or they actually don't care either.

well they do say: learn to love yourself before others, perhaps this works in the same way.

welcome to PC, by the way. I hope it helps
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Default Aug 16, 2019 at 03:46 PM
  #3
No, I still cover my scars. Both of my arms are covered in scars and sometimes fresh wounds. I just wear long sleeves. It upsets people. Long sleeves doesn't upset people. But I can appreciate your viewpoint. Welcome to PC.

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Default Aug 28, 2019 at 11:29 AM
  #4
I would love to have that confidence of not caring what others think about my scars. But I do care about my dear ones' opinion and feelings. I hope someday I will get to that point of wearing what I truly want and of accepting myself, even the scars.
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Default Sep 25, 2019 at 01:24 PM
  #5
I don't cover the scars on my wrists anymore. I used to be self conscious. But now I just live my life. No one really asks me. They pretend they don't see them. And that's okay. And if they asked me, I would tell them.

My present SI has been on my legs and those are covered most of the time because of just normal clothing. They are much darker though.

The scars bother my significant other though. I know some people get tattoos over their scars. But they're reminders for me. Of who I am. Where I've been. And how strong I can be.

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Default Sep 25, 2019 at 04:48 PM
  #6
I am no longer an active self harmer but I still have noticeable scars on my arm and wrist. I sometimes cover them and sometimes I don`t. I do hate explaining about them though. Once an old friend from school asked about them and I just said it was an accident and there it was left. I hate my scars . When I look in the mirror sometimes I can`t believe that I did that to myself. When I was doing it I didn`t think about the long term I only cared about the instant relief it provided for me. Believe it or not I am sometimes still am tempted when things feel unmanageable to do it again.

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Default Oct 05, 2019 at 04:47 PM
  #7
I don't care about the ones on my arms anymore, but they're just white now. Actually I kinda think they're beautiful in some weird, twisted way. And they are a part of me, part of my life, and evidence of what I've been and am still going through. No adult or adolescent ever asked me about them. Some kids have, though, and then I've said "I was a bit uncareful/unlucky and happened to cut/scrape myself". I think most kids can't even imagine that someone would hurt themselves on purpose. But if any adult ever asked me I think I would tell them the same. It's not really a lie, even, per se.

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Default Oct 10, 2019 at 07:59 AM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayne13 View Post
My whole right arm is covered in si scars, and I don’t care. I don’t bother to cover it anymore. Anyone else? I just cut where and when I want to, and don’t care what anyone says anymore. Anyone else?
I have scratches on my inner thigh and they are embarrassing. I always worry about being confronted particularly by a doctor. I wish I could care less about what other people think about my scar.
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Default Oct 10, 2019 at 08:00 AM
  #9
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Originally Posted by jaymoq View Post
I don't cover the scars on my wrists anymore. I used to be self conscious. But now I just live my life. No one really asks me. They pretend they don't see them. And that's okay. And if they asked me, I would tell them.

My present SI has been on my legs and those are covered most of the time because of just normal clothing. They are much darker though.

The scars bother my significant other though. I know some people get tattoos over their scars. But they're reminders for me. Of who I am. Where I've been. And how strong I can be.
I have scar on my leg and they are embarrassing to me.
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Default Oct 10, 2019 at 12:33 PM
  #10
I didn't care about them when I was self-harming but now, several years later, I really don't like them. My left arm especially is very badly scared and I always find it embarrassing when people ask about it because I really want to leave that part of my life behind.
I'm in the process of getting a full sleeve tattoo to cover them up and it makes me very happy to see a piece of art there instead
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Default Oct 15, 2019 at 09:04 AM
  #11
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Originally Posted by Succulents333 View Post
...
I'm in the process of getting a full sleeve tattoo to cover them up and it makes me very happy to see a piece of art there instead
That's awesome! I have a few tattoos on my arm. They don't cover the scars, but they symbolise my will to stop si'ing, and continue fighting. One of them is a flat line turning into a cardiogram, and the words "here to stay".

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Default Nov 22, 2019 at 09:29 PM
  #12
I cover my arms at work and when I hang out with coworkers but other times I don't. I no longer self harm but if I did I would not show unhealed wounds incase it's triggering to others.
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Default Feb 01, 2020 at 04:05 AM
  #13
I know this thread is a little old... hope you don't mind me adding to it.
I used to be embarrassed that someone would ask about my cuts and or scars. I would lie and say "oh I was hiking through some brush that had a lot of thorns and got all scratched up." Or "I got attacked by the cat."

But then one day I just decided that I was going to tell my parent, and all my friends and their parents. And I did! I cried a lot and agonized about actually telling them.. how would I do it? In person? By letter? One on one? Ultimately I chose different ways for each person. In a way the agonizing and then the release of actually telling them replaced some of the SI for a little while.

At first it was super awkward with some people, and my mom cried and was really worried about me (she thought I was suicidal, but I explained to her that i wasn't, and my therapist explained it to her more, and that helped her calm down).

For a little while I felt kinda angry about telling because that made the people who cared about me the most actually step in and Help me. And I didn't want that! I wanted to SI and just have it out in the open. I didn't want my mom or my best friends asking me if I was able to go that day without SI. But eventually I started to realize they weren't judging me they were just trying to help me. And that help wasn't a bad thing.

I started to realize it wasn't anything to be ashamed of, that it was just something that I had been using to cope, and that others were helping me see their possibly could be better ways to cope. Like expressing my emotions instead of hiding them. And taking my medications regularly.

I used various methods to stop self harming such as drawing with red markers.
I have gone many years now without cutting and most of my scars are completely gone now (olive oil massaged gently on the scars and honey wraps really helped soften and flatten them).

But right after i had stopped, when they were still very noticeable, I decided that if anyone new asked about them i was just going to be very mater of fact about it. I would explain that I had dealt with a lot of depression and had been in some extremly abusive situations that caused me to try to find a way to have some control in my life, and that often people in that kind of situation might turn to doing things like self injury as it gives a feeling of relief from the emotional pain by focusing on physical pain. I would explain that it was not an attempt to cause serious or life threatening injury, but simply a means of trying to cope with emotional pain in a way that brought that pain to the outside of my body where I could bandage and take care of the pain and watch it heal.

I was really surprised by how many people understood this explanation! It was of course often followed with "But you have stopped doing it now, right?" And I would honestly tell them how long it had been since I last did it. And that I was continuing to receive help to learn how to deal with it all, and that I was confident that eventually I would be able to do it less often or perhaps not at all, as I continued to form other ways to cope. And that usually was the end of the conversation, we would go on with whatever we had been doing.

I was even completely open with children about it. I would simplify the explanation. For some kids I would simply say "those are called scars, that is what happens when you get a cut and it gets better, it heals up but the skin just looks a little different where the cut was. Tat satisfied a lot of kids.

Other kids were the type that would push for more information, so i would say "Sometimes I have been really sad and really afraid but I didn't have anyone to help me feel better or to keep me safe. So my brain made me think that maybe I would feel better if I had cuts on myself and then I could make those cuts feel better. But now I know that isn't really a very good way to feel better. And I have learned that there are people who can help me feel better and then I don't feel like having those cuts on my arms any more." Before they could ask another quuestion i would immediately say "Can you think of any people who would be good to ask for help if you or one of your friends feel sad or afraid?" They would answer and I would say "That's a really great choice!" Or maybe I would suggest some other ideas, like a teacher at school or the nurse, Or a doctor. If they were a child I knew, friends or relatives kids, I would add that I would always be happy to listen if they had anything they wanted to talk about.

This put them at ease and took their mind off the scars.

I don't know if you guys would find this approach a beneficial way to deal with SI or not, but I just thought I would share this,

All the best to everyone ~ hold on and know you are not alone.

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Default Feb 01, 2020 at 03:32 PM
  #14
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...
Thanks for sharing this! I especially admire how you deal with it when children ask about it. That's the hardest part, I think. To find a way to explain in a simple way and without scaring them. A girl in my daughter's birthday party asked about mine last year, and I didn't tell the truth, but thinking about it now, after reading your post, I think I maybe should have. I know she's a foster child and that she has had traumatic experiences early in life, so to hear from an adult that you can feel pain inside, but that it can be better if you just tell someone and ask for help, could have been a good thing.. I really like the way you did it! I'll definitely remember that if my own daughter asks about it some day. She hasn't yet.. I do hide new wounds from them, though (I have two, but the oldest knows), cause I think it would be scary for her to know that her mother hurts herself like that. Does anyone have any thoughts on that?

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Default Feb 01, 2020 at 09:42 PM
  #15
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Originally Posted by Lilfae View Post
Thanks for sharing this! I especially admire how you deal with it when children ask about it. That's the hardest part, I think. To find a way to explain in a simple way and without scaring them. A girl in my daughter's birthday party asked about mine last year, and I didn't tell the truth, but thinking about it now, after reading your post, I think I maybe should have. I know she's a foster child and that she has had traumatic experiences early in life, so to hear from an adult that you can feel pain inside, but that it can be better if you just tell someone and ask for help, could have been a good thing.. I really like the way you did it! I'll definitely remember that if my own daughter asks about it some day. She hasn't yet.. I do hide new wounds from them, though (I have two, but the oldest knows), cause I think it would be scary for her to know that her mother hurts herself like that. Does anyone have any thoughts on that?
Thanks, it was really very emotionally empowering when I made that decision.

For most of us I bet we really would have benefited from having people just be open and honest about things with us when we were kids. So that's what I try to do for the kids that I know, I'm just honest about stuff and try not to overreact or be all tense about things. It seems like it's not so much the topic that can scare kids as it is the way we talk about it to them.

If your daughter asks about your scars try not using terms like "mommy hurts herself" that can sound scary. Talk more about the reasons why you SI than about the specifics of the injury. I don't mean going into a lot of details or anything.. just about feelings that you have and how you are working on dealing with those feelings. Things like that. If that makes any sense.

I always try to find the most simple straightforward way to say somthing to kids in order to not upset them. I have explained to many kids about how my brother and sister died, and they don't end up scared or freaked out. My sister died from suicide, and my brother died from an overdose.

With kids I'm always prepared that they might have a parrent who'll be all freaked out that I'm so honest when their kid asked about my scars. And i just have to stay calm and let the kid know it was ok for them to ask, even if the parent freaked out.

I feel like its becoming more of an open topic among young kids, probably because they see YouTube'rs talk about it, and guidance counselors might too now days, I don't know.

One of my friends kids just randomly told me one day about her own self injury. She was a preteen at the time. I actually hadn't ever mentioned my SI to her, but I wonder if she just knew without having to ask because of her own experience. She wanted help stopping it because she felt embarrassed about it in her new grade with new girls who she didn't alread talk about it with. So I gave her some ideas of how she could cope with the urges by doing other things. In her case gel nail polish really helped her because she could paint it on and then pick at that instead. I told her that it would be good for her to talk with her therapist, that she already was seeing, about it too. I also told her that I knew her mom would want to help her, and we talked with her together. Her mom had the idea to let her get fake nails (because her SI often involved damaging her nails). Her mom had known about the damage but she had thought it was from unconsciously bitting her nails, and she had thought that the daughter just had some skin problems that caused bleeding around the nails. Between the practical tips and her mom and therapist helping her deal with emotions, she was able to get to where she didn't damage her nails anymore, which was her goal that she set for herself. And just in time for starting high school. She is a couple years into high school now.

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Default Feb 29, 2020 at 01:20 PM
  #16
I don't really care anymore either.

I don't cover my scars and people stare at them, particularly the deep SA ones. They usually don't say anything but once in awhile someone will comment on them, or ask about them. I usually just reply: "They're self-inflicted!" and leave it at that. Pretty much stops the conversation.

Be well, OK? LTLTR
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Default Mar 16, 2020 at 09:23 AM
  #17
I always felt self-conscious, so I would cut and burn where no one would see it without my clothes off. I did cut on my arms in the beginning. If anyone ever asked, I used to say I was accident prone. Or that I fell. Something like that.
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Default Mar 17, 2020 at 10:50 AM
  #18
I'm okay with wearing short sleeves/tank tops if it's hot out, but I do tend to wear long sleeves/sweatshirts at a warmer temp where I would probably wear short sleeves if I didn't have the scars. Right now I'm only wearing pants too since last time I self harmed I really f***ed up my leg and it still needs time to fade. Basically I'm okay with showing scars, but not things that look fresher or more severe.
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