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Exclamation Dec 25, 2019 at 11:30 PM
  #1
The way I cope when when the crap hits the fan is I cut. "That's bad. You don't need to cut. You need to find different coping mechanisms." I hear this all the time when it is discovered I cut. The arguments are always the same and my rebuttal is the same. Yet in the end no one can answer the question of why is it bad?

"The open wounds can get infected."
I don't cut deep enough to leave open wounds. (Trust me on this one and don't judge me please. PC does not want me talking about specifics and I want to respect their rules.)

"You will leave scars" No I don't but even if I did it is on places that are covered.

"Do you feel like you have to hide it? Then that should tell you it's bad."
I feel like I have to hide my depression, suicide ideation, and multitude of other problems. Yet I am told I shouldn't be ashamed of that.

"Well you just shouldn't. You should find better coping skills." Why 75%-90% of the time this works?

Now that we have gotten those arguments out of the way can you tell me why it's so bad?
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Default Dec 26, 2019 at 12:22 PM
  #2
IDK. I'm struggling with that a bit myself today. I want to SH and I can't remember why I don't want to SH. I'll probably google some reasons why not to in a little while. I think it's got something to do with loving yourself. Like you would probably never hurt another person, so why it is okay to hurt yourself? IDK. HUGS Kit

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Default Dec 26, 2019 at 12:53 PM
  #3
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Originally Posted by SlumberKitty View Post
I think it's got something to do with loving yourself. Like you would probably never hurt another person, so why it is okay to hurt yourself? IDK. HUGS Kit
I don't really love myself but cutting does bring me relief. Am I proud that I do it? No. Does that mean I am going to stop? No.
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Default Dec 26, 2019 at 12:55 PM
  #4
Yeah, cutting brings me relief too. *It works* almost all of the time. Which makes it difficult to stop. Then there are days like today when I can't remember why I want to stop. I'm trying to remember those reasons. Trying to make it real to me. Hang in there, my friend. You're not alone. HUGS Kit

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Default Dec 26, 2019 at 03:20 PM
  #5
Because it starts arguments with my H is the only reason why I don't often.

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Default Dec 27, 2019 at 03:54 AM
  #6
I have this same argument and compare it to other things that people do that is usually acceptable like drinking wine every day, smoking, using marijuana etc. My Y says it's because I'm being so violent with myself is why it's bad and because it can and has lead to infections and almost death for me.
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Default Dec 27, 2019 at 09:52 AM
  #7
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.....because it can and has lead to infections and almost death for me.
Yeah thats not going to happen with me. What I did Tuesday is almost gone now. The chance of infection is just as big as when I scratch an itch.
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Default Feb 13, 2020 at 12:17 PM
  #8
''Life'' tells me I am ''useless'' and ''bad''...

maybe cutting is not so bad

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Default Feb 13, 2020 at 12:49 PM
  #9
IDK but cutting ended me up in the hospital on a 5150 hold so that was bad.

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Default Feb 13, 2020 at 08:14 PM
  #10
Cutting isn't really bad. The cutting itself is not the issue. The problem is that you're cutting instead of finding healthier ways to manage the deeper issues that you're going through.

Most of the therapists I've spoken to about cutting see it as something to wane off of and replace with habits that help you work with and face the underlying issue, rather than drowning them out with pain. These same therapists normally see all forms of escapism and distraction as almost as bad as cutting, because at the end of the day they aren't helping you move through or address your issues at all.

Not only that, but with some people, self-harm actually makes the underlying problems worse in the long-run despite providing an initial release because it makes those individuals more comfortable with hurting themselves. This is sometimes carried over psychologically, where these people become quicker to berate themselves or view themselves negatively because they have less inhibitions against attacking themselves. This isn't always the case, but it can be.

I'm also not a professional, so don't take my possibly distorted words from possibly underqualified or incorrect clinicians for granted.

(Edit: I should mention that I've never SI'd, but I've been fairly close with people who do. As such, I can't comment on how this lines up in my experience. From what I've seen, the people in my life do start getting better when they stop self-harming, though.)

Last edited by feb2020user; Feb 13, 2020 at 08:35 PM..
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Default Feb 14, 2020 at 08:53 AM
  #11
I think I commented on a similar thread once while still not understanding much about why cutting is bad.

But I primarily think it's bad because it can be rationalized as a method of helping oneself.

It's a "tricky" way to help oneself feel better.

In no way do I intend or want to minimize the struggles of those who go through episodes where they cut. It is a bad thing to have to deal with and in no way am I patronizing those who deal with it.

But I feel like it's a method of causing mental satisfaction that physically causes bodily harm. And also it can lead to death, and has other negative side-effects.


Once again, I don't mean to say that it's something that can be stopped easily or even without effort. Of course, it is tough to deal with, and I give my support to all who deal with it on this forum.
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Default Feb 20, 2020 at 06:37 PM
  #12
"it's a method of causing mental satisfaction that physically causes bodily harm" Yes but what about if the bodily harm is barely noticeable and very trivial, while satisfaction is more noticeable ? More benefit than drawback, some will say.

I just compare this practice to extreme sports: why do people do that ? Because they like 'hardcore' - it gets them fired up. They take risks, they may die or get their skull pierced and go full-Michael-Schumacher. It's arguable an objectively bad practice. What they do get though is adrenaline. And they crave it so they go for more risk and more hardcore.
Why do some people do self-harm ? To generate encephaline. The organism produces a handful of narcotics that activate 'mu-receptors'. Morphine and heroin are other examples of mu-receptor activators. So you bet for some people (there's always variability of response) the feelings are crazy positive and hard to resist. But as with extreme sports, it can be done in a way where risk is reduced. One doesn't have to go full-yolo about it. There are moderate methods.

So why look down on moderate self-harm if one doesn't look down on skydiving ?

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Default Feb 21, 2020 at 11:59 PM
  #13
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Originally Posted by iLLuMiNaTi View Post
"it's a method of causing mental satisfaction that physically causes bodily harm" Yes but what about if the bodily harm is barely noticeable and very trivial, while satisfaction is more noticeable ? More benefit than drawback, some will say.

I just compare this practice to extreme sports: why do people do that ? Because they like 'hardcore' - it gets them fired up. They take risks, they may die or get their skull pierced and go full-Michael-Schumacher. It's arguable an objectively bad practice. What they do get though is adrenaline. And they crave it so they go for more risk and more hardcore.
Why do some people do self-harm ? To generate encephaline. The organism produces a handful of narcotics that activate 'mu-receptors'. Morphine and heroin are other examples of mu-receptor activators. So you bet for some people (there's always variability of response) the feelings are crazy positive and hard to resist. But as with extreme sports, it can be done in a way where risk is reduced. One doesn't have to go full-yolo about it. There are moderate methods.

So why look down on moderate self-harm if one doesn't look down on skydiving ?

Yeah I get what you're saying. In fact, I really have no response to why cutting is bad. I guess based on the pain-pleasure calculus, it is not objectively bad. I don't really have anything else to say regarding the matter . . .
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Default Feb 22, 2020 at 09:06 AM
  #14
Hi everyone, I did that too, when I was a teenager, so it was a long time ago. I still have the scars, but I do not feel embarrassed about it, because they are a reminder of my struggle for myself. I dealt with a lot at the time when I used to cut, and the cuts would provide me with some kind of relief that I could not feel otherwise. A psychologist friend of mine told me, much later, that cuts are sometimes called, perhaps in psychological jargon, "gills" as in fish gills. Even if it comes across as a cold-hearted expression, it is vivid nonetheless, and I embraced it. Clearly enough, it is called so because sometimes those who inflict them on themselves feel they are suffocating, and need to "open" in order to catch a breath. I remember the feeling. In addition to this, when I would cut, I would feel as if I were more present, because I dealt with a lot of dissociation, and could not feel my body as my own. If anyone did tell me to stop cutting at the time when I did, I don't know if I could have, without the necessary therapeutic help and guidance. Yet, no one in my family really cared enough even to notice that this was going on. Sometimes people say that it is a cry for help, but I soon realized that no one was really listening. I cannot remember how I stopped cutting. I think it happened when I found other ways to calm myself, as someone already mentioned. By then I realized that no one was going to save me, and that the only person I can rely on was me. I became very ambitious professionally at one point in my life, and somehow focused all that contained energy towards achieving some goals that had some significance for me. I started building myself from scratch. Cuts are not as simple as love or hate for oneself. But they are a reason for concern, as they are only a skin deep manifestation of much more pervasive emotional problems.
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Default Mar 16, 2020 at 09:29 AM
  #15
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Originally Posted by Twitch99 View Post
The way I cope when when the crap hits the fan is I cut. "That's bad. You don't need to cut. You need to find different coping mechanisms." I hear this all the time when it is discovered I cut. The arguments are always the same and my rebuttal is the same. Yet in the end no one can answer the question of why is it bad?

"The open wounds can get infected."
I don't cut deep enough to leave open wounds. (Trust me on this one and don't judge me please. PC does not want me talking about specifics and I want to respect their rules.)

"You will leave scars" No I don't but even if I did it is on places that are covered.

"Do you feel like you have to hide it? Then that should tell you it's bad."
I feel like I have to hide my depression, suicide ideation, and multitude of other problems. Yet I am told I shouldn't be ashamed of that.

"Well you just shouldn't. You should find better coping skills." Why 75%-90% of the time this works?

Now that we have gotten those arguments out of the way can you tell me why it's so bad?
I think that whomever is telling you that it's bad is wrong to say that. Self-harming is only "bad" just like suicide is "bad": we live in a society that doesn't understand it, so it's outright condemned. And yeah, I know exactly how you feel with those piss poor excuses from the untroubled people about why it's bad. To get to my point, self-harming isn't bad, but it IS unhelpful. I know. I've done it, too. It feels good in the beginning. But it kept me stuck. I never got better. I stayed exactly where I was.

How we feel is never bad. Ever. Period. Full stop. If anyone says that something about you is bad, they are absolutely wrong. That's judgmental and it makes us feel like something is wrong with us. Suicide and self-harm don't help us get better and become better versions of ourselves. It holds us back. That's all I can really say about why I think it's hurtful.
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