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Default Mar 09, 2020 at 05:49 PM
  #21
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What possibly can help deal with the urges? Maybe you could make a list of ideas, things that might help?

Maybe writing out the feelings for example?

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Default Mar 09, 2020 at 07:41 PM
  #22
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I'm not sure why being awake is so painful right now, but I think part of it is not SH-ing. I'm not getting anything "out" of me, so everything is starting to feel raw on the outside from being unopened on the inside if that makes any sense.
It sounds like you are saying that SH helps get accumulated stuff out of you. When you don't SH, the stuff accumulates inside and begins to affect the outside, to make the outside more painful to the (emotional) "touch", more sensitive. By sleeping you can really lessen or avoid that outside pain.

How close is what I said to what you are experiencing?

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Default Mar 09, 2020 at 09:54 PM
  #23
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Originally Posted by Bill3 View Post
It sounds like you are saying that SH helps get accumulated stuff out of you. When you don't SH, the stuff accumulates inside and begins to affect the outside, to make the outside more painful to the (emotional) "touch", more sensitive. By sleeping you can really lessen or avoid that outside pain.

How close is what I said to what you are experiencing?

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Yes, this exactly!!!

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Default Mar 10, 2020 at 12:28 PM
  #24
Today I am experiencing a lot of physical symptoms where my skin physically hurts. This was usually a symptom for me that let me know where to SH so that it would stop hurting inside. But since I am not hurting myself right now, I am dealing with these physical symptoms. My T suggested putting a cream like icy hot or Aspercream on the spots where I want to SH to help stop the physical symptoms/sensations of pain. Anyone else relate? I'm getting tired of having hard days but I know I gotta stay strong. I'm trying to keep my mind future oriented to the 15th where I am going to be at 50 days. Not that there is anything magical in the number, it's just a good big number.

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Default Mar 11, 2020 at 04:44 PM
  #25
Made it another day. My parents bought me some icy hot so I can try using that to calm down the areas on my arms that want to be hurt. Really trying to use my support network during this time. Doing well at texting my friends and letting them know when I am struggling. It's a process. Tonight I am supposed to meet up with a friend and have coffee. I'm looking forward to getting together. Tomorrow is the support group. I am debating about going or not. I'm not sure it is super helpful but I also feel like I need to give it a good shot. So it might be worth going again. I wish there were a support group IRL for SH. I think that would be super helpful. I haven't found one near me though. My case manager/care coordinator says I could do like an IOP or something but even then both my Pdoc and my T say it would only be helpful if it specifically dealt with SH. And I haven't found one of those by me. But so far, doing this is working. It's just that....work, it's not easy. Every day is it's own struggle. I hope one day I can say every day is it's own reward. HUGS all, Kit

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Default Mar 11, 2020 at 11:06 PM
  #26
I admire your systematic approach to avoiding SH and I admire your strength. Hang in there Kit!

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Default Mar 12, 2020 at 12:42 PM
  #27
Thanks @Bill3

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Default Mar 13, 2020 at 09:31 PM
  #28
How are things looking today and for the weekend Kit?

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Default Mar 15, 2020 at 10:11 AM
  #29
Made it to 50 days today. Was having a lot of urges last night...but made it through. Thanks for asking. Hugs. Kit

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Default Mar 15, 2020 at 10:19 AM
  #30


Well done Kit!

Congratulations!

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Default Mar 24, 2020 at 12:45 PM
  #31
Today is rough.
Possible trigger:
I don't even know why. Sigh. I was doing a little better with the urges but now they are back and smack dab in my face. My arms are crawling with hurt. I was hoping the increase in the AD and the AP would help this, and I think it has, just today is a hard day and I want to hurt myself. I don't know but I think some of it might be COVID 19 and all the uncertainty over that. Whether or not I will be able to sustain employment during this time. Right now we fall under critical manufacturing so we are allowed to stay open but it depends on our customers and our suppliers if it is viable for us to be able to stay open. Our hours are likely going to be cut even if we do.


I had a good session with my regular therapist on Saturday and I had a good Skype session with my Pastor Therapist last night. Both of them had good things to say about me and my progress. Maybe this is the other shoe dropping. Had to go to Church on Sunday via live stream, although I did get to view the service in my PJ's so that was kind of fun. And I had to join the dreaded Facebook in order to go to Sunday School class because it was held on Facebook Live Stream. I'm sad about the services on Holy week. I'm thinking of doing communion at home on Good Friday. I haven't figured out what to do for Holy Thursday or Holy Saturday. Basically 16 more days of Lent. If/when I make it that far I will be at 75 days which is pretty cool. Easter will be 78 days. I'm trying to think of how good that will feel to try to negate the feelings of wanting to hurt myself.


HUGS all, Kit

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Default Mar 24, 2020 at 03:27 PM
  #32
Argh, I got triggered and now it is way worse. I'm still wanting to hurt myself but I know I can't right now. I made a commitment to God. I need to be busy at work or find something to do so I can get my mind off things for a while. It's just hard.

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Default Mar 24, 2020 at 05:00 PM
  #33
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Default Mar 25, 2020 at 10:32 AM
  #34
You got this! Sending warm hugs what kinds of things are you doing to distract yourself?
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Default Mar 25, 2020 at 11:03 AM
  #35
Thanks @spikes I'm doing lots of different things to distract myself. Lots of religious things like
Possible trigger:
. I'm talking to my group of ladies who are my support. I recently joined a social media site so I am uploading lots of pictures and stuff there. Reading. Writing. Drawing. Trying to be more open as a person. Letting people in more. Improving my social connections. I joined a support group and went two times before Covid 19 hit. Thanks for the hugs! HUGS to you Kit

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Default Mar 25, 2020 at 11:07 AM
  #36
You are doing lots of constructive, excellent things!



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Default Apr 10, 2020 at 01:39 PM
  #37
It's like pretty much the end of Lent, and I did what I set out to do---not SH during Lent. But now I'm not in a good headspace at all and I want to just throw away all my progress. I'm hurting and I'm depressed and I don't care anymore. Maybe I was stupid to think I could make a life changing change in my life regarding SH. I'm going to be stuck doing this forever....

Okay, enough pity party, but I am having a hard time. I want to SH. People are telling me I'm doing so well, and I am in that I haven't SH-ed but I AM NOT doing well. I'm in a very bad headspace today.

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Default Apr 10, 2020 at 01:44 PM
  #38


What is it like for you to reach a goal such as no SH in Lent?
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Default Apr 10, 2020 at 02:06 PM
  #39
Hi Bill,


It's good, in some ways, it's really good. It's a commitment I made to God and have kept it. And I'm glad that I did because although God does not require that one makes an oath, if one does make an oath to God, one by darn better keep it. So that feels good.


But overall I'm feeling defeated instead of full of joy. I'm feeling depressed. Let down. I feel like I can't go to my friends again this week and tell them I'm struggling. I've already gone to them, three days I think. IDK what is wrong with me. Thoughts are invading my head. I'm trying to praise God through the situation. I want to isolate. I want to be self destructive. I'll feel better for a short time but then I know I'd feel pretty bad. I've got to keep it together so I don't spiral out of control. MI sucks.


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Default Apr 10, 2020 at 02:09 PM
  #40
It does suck, and it's very hard right now that we can't be around other people. I think the fact that you have avoided SH even though it has been hard for you speaks to your strength. So give yourself some credit.
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