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Legendary
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#21
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What possibly can help deal with the urges? Maybe you could make a list of ideas, things that might help? Maybe writing out the feelings for example? hug hug |
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,924
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#22
Quote:
How close is what I said to what you are experiencing? HUGS |
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SlumberKitty
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SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#23
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__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Bill3
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Bill3
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#24
Today I am experiencing a lot of physical symptoms where my skin physically hurts. This was usually a symptom for me that let me know where to SH so that it would stop hurting inside. But since I am not hurting myself right now, I am dealing with these physical symptoms. My T suggested putting a cream like icy hot or Aspercream on the spots where I want to SH to help stop the physical symptoms/sensations of pain. Anyone else relate? I'm getting tired of having hard days but I know I gotta stay strong. I'm trying to keep my mind future oriented to the 15th where I am going to be at 50 days. Not that there is anything magical in the number, it's just a good big number.
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Bill3
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#25
Made it another day. My parents bought me some icy hot so I can try using that to calm down the areas on my arms that want to be hurt. Really trying to use my support network during this time. Doing well at texting my friends and letting them know when I am struggling. It's a process. Tonight I am supposed to meet up with a friend and have coffee. I'm looking forward to getting together. Tomorrow is the support group. I am debating about going or not. I'm not sure it is super helpful but I also feel like I need to give it a good shot. So it might be worth going again. I wish there were a support group IRL for SH. I think that would be super helpful. I haven't found one near me though. My case manager/care coordinator says I could do like an IOP or something but even then both my Pdoc and my T say it would only be helpful if it specifically dealt with SH. And I haven't found one of those by me. But so far, doing this is working. It's just that....work, it's not easy. Every day is it's own struggle. I hope one day I can say every day is it's own reward. HUGS all, Kit
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Bill3
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Bill3
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Legendary
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Location: USA
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#26
I admire your systematic approach to avoiding SH and I admire your strength. Hang in there Kit!
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SlumberKitty
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SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#27
Thanks @Bill3
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Bill3
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Legendary
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#28
How are things looking today and for the weekend Kit?
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SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#29
Made it to 50 days today. Was having a lot of urges last night...but made it through. Thanks for asking. Hugs. Kit
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Bill3
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Bill3
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Legendary
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#30
Well done Kit! Congratulations! |
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SlumberKitty
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SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#31
Today is rough.
Possible trigger:
I had a good session with my regular therapist on Saturday and I had a good Skype session with my Pastor Therapist last night. Both of them had good things to say about me and my progress. Maybe this is the other shoe dropping. Had to go to Church on Sunday via live stream, although I did get to view the service in my PJ's so that was kind of fun. And I had to join the dreaded Facebook in order to go to Sunday School class because it was held on Facebook Live Stream. I'm sad about the services on Holy week. I'm thinking of doing communion at home on Good Friday. I haven't figured out what to do for Holy Thursday or Holy Saturday. Basically 16 more days of Lent. If/when I make it that far I will be at 75 days which is pretty cool. Easter will be 78 days. I'm trying to think of how good that will feel to try to negate the feelings of wanting to hurt myself. HUGS all, Kit __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Anonymous43918, Bill3, downandlonely
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Bill3
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#32
Argh, I got triggered and now it is way worse. I'm still wanting to hurt myself but I know I can't right now. I made a commitment to God. I need to be busy at work or find something to do so I can get my mind off things for a while. It's just hard.
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Anonymous43918, Bill3, downandlonely
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Bill3
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Legendary
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#33
HUGS
((((((((Kit)))))))))) |
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SlumberKitty
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SlumberKitty
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#34
You got this! Sending warm hugs what kinds of things are you doing to distract yourself?
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SlumberKitty
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SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#35
Thanks @spikes I'm doing lots of different things to distract myself. Lots of religious things like
Possible trigger:
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Anonymous43918, Bill3
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Bill3
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Legendary
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#36
You are doing lots of constructive, excellent things!
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SlumberKitty
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SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#37
It's like pretty much the end of Lent, and I did what I set out to do---not SH during Lent. But now I'm not in a good headspace at all and I want to just throw away all my progress. I'm hurting and I'm depressed and I don't care anymore. Maybe I was stupid to think I could make a life changing change in my life regarding SH. I'm going to be stuck doing this forever....
Okay, enough pity party, but I am having a hard time. I want to SH. People are telling me I'm doing so well, and I am in that I haven't SH-ed but I AM NOT doing well. I'm in a very bad headspace today. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Bill3, downandlonely
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Legendary
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Location: USA
Posts: 10,924
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#38
What is it like for you to reach a goal such as no SH in Lent? |
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#39
Hi Bill,
It's good, in some ways, it's really good. It's a commitment I made to God and have kept it. And I'm glad that I did because although God does not require that one makes an oath, if one does make an oath to God, one by darn better keep it. So that feels good. But overall I'm feeling defeated instead of full of joy. I'm feeling depressed. Let down. I feel like I can't go to my friends again this week and tell them I'm struggling. I've already gone to them, three days I think. IDK what is wrong with me. Thoughts are invading my head. I'm trying to praise God through the situation. I want to isolate. I want to be self destructive. I'll feel better for a short time but then I know I'd feel pretty bad. I've got to keep it together so I don't spiral out of control. MI sucks. HUGS Kit __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Bill3, downandlonely
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Bill3
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Legendary
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#40
It does suck, and it's very hard right now that we can't be around other people. I think the fact that you have avoided SH even though it has been hard for you speaks to your strength. So give yourself some credit.
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