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SlumberKitty
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Default May 19, 2020 at 03:05 PM
  #1
Anyone start doing well and then want to SH again? I'm at 115 days without SH-ing and yet that is what I want to do. I mean, I don't want to want to, but I want to. I think I'm scared of what life is going to be like without that "safety net" which I know is a weird way to describe SH but it feels like it is safer than a lot of other things I could do.


I'm using the tools in my coping toolkit and I don't think I will actually SH. I'm just trying to deal with the thoughts and emotions of wanting to. Just thought I would put this out there in case anyone can relate. It would be nice to be encouraged if anyone can relate. HUGS kit

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Default May 19, 2020 at 04:19 PM
  #2
I don't know what SH means. I have an eating disorder. It isn't really my problem as much as it has been an issue for people around me when I am in good or great shape...they want to see me eat until I am big and fat. When I eat healthy and get in shape I am forced into the hospital. I have either been away or overweight since 2008 so no major blowups for 12 years but I am afraid my family will put me in the hospital if I get in shape. My entire family is obese and they have told me that I am supposed to be fat. I know how to eat right and exercise to stay in shape but in recent years I went on disability and can't afford to eat well...also I live with a family member now and she's very controlling about everything including meals. She says she has OCD but I think she is an ***. She's very obese also way too fat like 125lbs overweight. I'm 72 pounds overweight. There have been times when I was in perfect shape back when I was a vegetarian for 40 years I'm a meat eater now for the past 15 years and I have been fat the entire time. I measure my food but I eat a lot of fatty and sweet foods right now. I need help. A big part of the problem is others around me and their lack of self control as well as jealousy. The other problem is my laziness or depression. I can't stress enough how much I need help 😢.
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SlumberKitty
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Default May 19, 2020 at 04:31 PM
  #3
Hi @BabyLoves, SH means self harm. Another word for self injury. Some people call it cutting or self mutilation (I don't like either of those terms) I usually just call it SH.


I'm sorry you have an eating disorder. I'm overweight too. Mine is partially because of the anti-psychotic medication that I take. I've gained weight since being on it and it makes me constantly hungry. The other part is probably genetic. Most of my aunts are bigger. I don't know a lot about eating disorders, so I am not too sure what to say. Do you have a therapist? Might be worth looking into. I'm sorry your family member is controlling. That has to suck. I live with my parents so I just eat whatever they make. Basically we eat a lot of chicken and green beans and potatoes.


I was hospitalized this year for SH. Well the ER doctor thought I was suicidal despite me telling him I wasn't. That kind of sucked. Well, it was pretty awful actually. Have you been hospitalized recently? I hope I don't ever have to be hospitalized again. Sometimes I think I need to go to the hospital though. I missed four days of work though and was hospitalized for six days.


I'm not sure but I think there might be an eating disorder forum on Psych Central. You might be able to get some better responses if you post your post there. But you are totally welcome to post here too. Maybe some others will have some good advice for you. I wish you the best. HUGS if wanted, Kit

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Default May 19, 2020 at 06:42 PM
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congrats on 115 days!

i usually find myself on some kind of cycle. it happens every two months or so, unless i'm having a bad time and am doing it multiple times a week. i'm currently at 2 months, and the past few weeks i've wanted to self harm intensely. the urges to self harm totally took over and ruined whatever progress i had made in my life. i feel like i'm leaving that mood, but still feeling like it's "time" to self harm again.

i agree it's nice to have self harm to fall back on. i don't know what i'd do without it. self harming is a great comfort to me. i think i am most at one with myself when i self harm. it's an expression on self reliance, i think.
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Default May 19, 2020 at 11:28 PM
  #5
it’s been a couple of years for me. Yeah every now and then the urge/compulsion flares up. So far I’ve been able to push through
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Default May 20, 2020 at 10:22 AM
  #6
Thanks. I think this is in part due to stepping back some from some of my support. I'm seeing one of my therapists a bit less and I am going to get discharged soon from case management. I think I'm freaking out a little which is causing the SH to want to flare up!

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Default May 20, 2020 at 01:53 PM
  #7
This might be dumb of me but I kind of want to relapse and SH just to get the relapse out of the way. So many people in my life are proud of me or happy for me and it's putting so much stress on me that I kind of want to release that stress just by getting the relapse out of the way. I know that's dumb. I feel dumb even saying it. I just, IDK, feel too much pressure trying to not SH. This is how I was feeling before I was hospitalized!!! EEEK! So scared.

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Default May 21, 2020 at 01:18 AM
  #8
be safe, if you really need to SH to avoid worse things. 115 days is a long time, you can get back on track if you do relapse. it's ok.

also, i don't think what you are feeling is dumb, i've felt the same way.
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Default May 21, 2020 at 09:37 AM
  #9
Thanks for understanding @the walls! It means a lot to me.

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Default May 22, 2020 at 02:51 PM
  #10
One step closer to relapse.
Possible trigger:
I'm disappointed in myself but I also couldn't help myself. Monday will be 4 months, if I can hang on that long.

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Default May 22, 2020 at 07:04 PM
  #11
Quote:
Originally Posted by SlumberKitty View Post
One step closer to relapse.
Possible trigger:
I'm disappointed in myself but I also couldn't help myself. Monday will be 4 months, if I can hang on that long.

Sending you hugs and the strength to move forward and self forgiveness
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Default May 23, 2020 at 05:54 PM
  #12
I can relate to what you said. I haven’t done it for a while, talked to T about not doing it last week and now I want to more than ever. It feels like I don’t have the energy to fight it anymore.
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