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96reppirtyad
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Trig May 28, 2020 at 03:39 AM
  #1
(I’m not sure how to hide things under trigger warnings yet, so please let me know if I should take this down!)
I’m 18 and have been SHing seriously since I was about 11/12, though before that I had a tendency to hit myself when angry. It’s been harder recently to contain my anger just like it was when I was little and have resorted to hitting myself in the head and punching my thigh instead of cutting. I get angry over little things that shouldn’t really bother me and would’ve been no big deal a year ago, and it’s getting harder to resist the urge to cut. I just relapsed with cutting an hour ago and just feel trapped and alone again. My therapist(s) don’t seem to acknowledge my concerns about mood and how i can get super angry really quickly and that I feel really happy then really sad (probably not bipolar, they both seem to agree that I don’t have it but I do have a family history of bipolar disorder.)
I had a compulsion to end my life while having an argument with a family member in the car. I feel like it’s getting out of control and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do - I’m starting Wellbutrin this week but I wasn’t able to tell the prescribing doc that I have been having thoughts of hurting myself because my mom was in the call with me (virtual appt due to the current virus situation).
This is kind of a lot but i don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it, and my usual therapist is off for the week.

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Last edited by bluekoi; May 28, 2020 at 10:55 AM.. Reason: Add trigger icon. Remove suicidal ideation.
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Unhappy May 28, 2020 at 06:43 PM
  #2
I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time with your anger & self-harm. Anger management & self-harm are both things I have struggled with as well. I don't really have any suggestions for you. But I wanted to let you know I read your post, & to offer my best wishes...

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Default May 29, 2020 at 10:06 AM
  #3
Hi there, I'm sorry you are struggling. It's hard right now with COVID 19 to be able to have privacy during sessions with mental health professionals. I'm sorry that you are going through so much right now. I have a hard time feeling anger so I don't really know what to say about the anger you are feeling. But I do have a long history with self harm and I know how hard it is to not do it when you are triggered. Perhaps you can work on a safety plan with your therapist? Mine includes calling friends, doing something nice for myself, doing some exercise, then it escalates to calling my T then going to the hospital. I hope you can stay safe until you can talk to your therapist. Lots of hugs if wanted. Kit

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Default Jun 12, 2020 at 05:17 PM
  #4
I’m sorry you’re struggling

It can be very hard with some of the issues in the world right now. Not surprisingly, there are more people having a more difficult time. Including me .

There are more individuals having a more difficult time managing their anger...It’s a positive that you shared here. Be safe please.

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