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Default Jun 04, 2020 at 06:07 PM
  #1
i'm having a really hard time after speaking to my dad.
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Default Jun 05, 2020 at 09:23 AM
  #2
Dear the walls,

I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time after speaking to your father. Wish I knew what to say that would ease your distress. I did not have a very happy relationship with my own father and so I can feel for what you must be going through although I do not know the details. It is my sincere hope that you will feel better soon. I wish you only the very best!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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Default Jun 05, 2020 at 09:28 AM
  #3
I'm sorry @the walls I hope you feel better soon. I hope you can survive the spiral with little damage. HUGS Kit

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Default Jun 06, 2020 at 06:16 AM
  #4
Do you want to say more?
It is OK to feel whatever you feel-----hard when it is painful...

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Default Jun 08, 2020 at 12:56 AM
  #5
thanks everyone. i'm starting to feel a little better. what happened is after years of no contact i forgot how controlling & belittling he was and how he always had to have his way and belittle me & others to be in control of the house. he criticized all of my goals so he could feel good about himself and i felt stupid, and also like i couldn't do anything, like i couldn't get away from him. i remembered how scary he was. you can never win an argument with him, he is always looking for your weak spot. i know it doesn't sound like much but it was very upsetting to me. growing up everything was a power struggle. i'm starting to think he is a narcissist.

i cut and binged and feel ashamed for attempting to have goals. but after about a week i am pushing him back away. he is irrelevant and i'll continue as i was.
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Default Jun 08, 2020 at 06:28 AM
  #6
Take care of yourself, you deserve respect and love.

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Default Jun 10, 2020 at 11:11 PM
  #7
i ended up blocking both my parents. fathers day is coming. i usually ignore it. i don't know if they have figured out i've blocked them yet.

i don't know how to come out of this not looking like a terrible person...

i planned a painting for fathers day. i know the composition and style, i just don't know what colors to use. also, i'm much better at drawing than painting so we'll see if i can pull it off. it will be called "Portrait for Father's Day 2020". (it will be a self portrait)

i'm not coping well with anything lately. every human interaction has the potential of being triggering. i'm so happy to be stuck at home. i think i really really need a therapist. someone to help me work things out. the problem is that getting a therapist is such a draining process. i'm not very productive these days... beyond working out and cooking meals, everything is exhausting.
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Default Jun 11, 2020 at 10:52 AM
  #8
Hi @the walls I'm sorry everything is so exhausting. It sounds like you are really worn out. I think it's good you planned a painting for Father's Day. I hope it helps you express your feelings in a safe way. Is there any coping skills you can practice? It's good you are working out and cooking meals. What about self-care? Can you think of some self care you could do? Listen to music, light a candle, take a hot shower, buy yourself a treat, watch cat video's on youtube! Just ideas. I'm sorry you are struggling. HUGS to you! Kit

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Default Jun 11, 2020 at 03:12 PM
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what are examples of coping skills?
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Default Jun 11, 2020 at 03:29 PM
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Anything you learn in therapy like thought stopping. Deep breathing. Meditation. Distraction techniques--going for a run, doing something physical, dancing around, listening to music, holding ice, drawing with a red pen or marker on yourself.

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Default Jun 12, 2020 at 05:22 PM
  #11
I’m sorry you’ve been having such a difficult time. Family can be very hard to “live” with or co exist with peacefully, at times. Even if they are many miles away... or “close” by...but not “close”... Or sometimes just flat out jerks

I hope you’re feeling better today

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Default Jun 18, 2020 at 06:26 AM
  #12
i just realized something

my parents put so much responsibliity on my for keeping my father happy, for keeping everyone we knew happy. my mother would always say i would be responsible for his early death. and she always said she wanted to kill herself over how i'm a failure. i'm convince she got sick bc of me. my father would also have days-week long stonewalling/self injurious periods.

anyway, i realized that makes me not ever want a relationship. i don't want that kind of responsibility ever again. if i mess up it's my fault. maybe that's why i keep my distance. i got to take care of myself first of all.

what brought this on?

i happened to look at the calendar and saw fathers day is on sunday. i feel sick

i realized my parents are backwards. they don't know anything. maybe i should forgive them. i feel so sick

Last edited by Anonymous43774; Jun 18, 2020 at 06:40 AM..
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Default Jun 18, 2020 at 10:12 AM
  #13
HUGS @the walls You aren't responsible for anyone else's happiness other than your own. You aren't responsible for making your parents proud of you or happy or keeping them well. You are only responsible for you. Sometimes parents are really messed up. I'm sorry that yours weren't good parents for you. I'm sorry you are feeling sick. Forgiveness is a big thing. It can help you. But forgiveness doesn't mean you have to talk to them or be around them, it just means you forgive them in your heart so you can move on and have a happy life. I wish this for you. HUGS Kit

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