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arich62
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Member Since: Aug 2014
Location: Salem, Oregon, USA
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Default Aug 28, 2018 at 08:14 PM
  #1
Hello,
This website is almost overloaded with too much information that I don’t really know where to go or start. Like the subject says, I am age 56. I live with my wife of the past 18 years who has been controlling which I allow from being considered dependent. I wouldn’t call it a total happy marriage, had it’s moments - good times too. Issues I like to find support for are senior men, verbal abuse, overeating, procrastination and survival living with a hoarder. If one can direct me to the right place or places for me, that would be much appreciated. Thank you,
Alec
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Default Aug 28, 2018 at 10:41 PM
  #2
Hi Alec. Yeah, PC is a huge forum. The way I navigate it is by starting with "Introductions", then onto "General", on down the line of boards. I stop at the boards I want to check out. If I'm short on time I go straight to the board I post on the most.

There are plenty of us on PC who are 55 and over (I'm 55). As for senior men...Gus and skeezyks come to mind right off.

It sounds like Relationships and Communication might be a board to check out for starts (besides this one).

By the way, my husband has a tremendous hoarding problem. So much so, in fact, that there is no room for me to live with him. I live in my own apartment, one mile from my husband (we've been married for 35 years).
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arich62
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Location: Salem, Oregon, USA
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Default Aug 29, 2018 at 02:13 AM
  #3
Wow! Laurie, thank you. Your post meant a lot and don’t feel quite as alone as a hoarding victim. It might be an alternative for me to have my own place someday too for the exact same reasons. I am finding that getting mad at my spouse has no effect, getting angry and breaking inanimate objects has no effect either in trying to express myself. It just makes me look stupid, gets expensive, enables more hoarding to take place. A therapist told me online earlier in the year that the hoarder was hurt by someone in the past and expressing anger by shopping and buying more. I don’t know but it’s good to not feel as alone
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Member Since: Jan 2015
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8 yr Member
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PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 29, 2018 at 09:30 AM
  #4
In my experience, the more stressed and anxious a hoarder is, the more s/he will hoard. so criticizing, threatening, destroying, etc. just makes the problem worse. In other words, hoarding is a coping mechanism to dysfunctionally cope with extreme anxiety. Frankly, dealing with a hoarder who is not 100% committed to recovery is a lose-lose situation, as far as I can see.
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