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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 01:42 PM
  #1
Gotta say it don’t get any easier. So my doctor wants me to do some medical tests - easy for him to say. I don’t really have anybody around that can take me to medical appointments or stay with me after - this is a problem as I get older. I know you’re saying hire somebody - definitely an option but still depressing. This just makes my inability to form relationships that much more devastating..... life rubs your nose in it once again.... Dealing with emotional stuff is a drag - throw in physical stuff and the fun really begins. Anyway I was just reflecting on my ridiculous situation once again - old habits die hard.... Gotta go feel sorry for myself some more!!!!!
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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 01:56 PM
  #2
When i was living with my mother in the previous decade, i went to the hospital a couple of times. One time my roommate was an Italian lady even older than me. I arrived in the room rather late at night, and she wasnt sleeping well. The nurse even offered to move me to a different room. I said she wasnt bothering me, but i thought the old woman's shoulders were bothering her, as i had recognized some italian words in her crying out.

Trust me, this story is going somewhere! Im sorry if im repeating myself.

Turns out, it WAS her shoulders bothering her. When her family came in the next morning, they thanked me for helping, the drs and nurses all thanked me for helping, they even gave me a free parking pass. I felt like a hero.

They also then hired someone to sit with her the next two nights. So just saying, its a thing. Even if you have family.

Also, yeah im in the same boat. I dont think they can force you to have friends.
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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 03:17 PM
  #3
I am with you. I would volunteer but I live on the other side of the country. I might have to have a surgery that I should have had as a kid (when I had a whole supportive family around) but now I have no one.

I really wish there was a website where people in this position could agree to help those in a similar situation.
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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 04:23 PM
  #4
I raised my children thinking they'd care for me as I aged. Well, they're totally into their careers and certainly have "no time" for me. I don't have any grandchildren and don't expect to. I am married, but my husband and I haven't lived together for over a decade. We are close friends; he'll take out my garbage now and then, but accompanying me to a medical appointment? Pffft. And, he's in his 70's. I don't have any friends that I'm close to.

The problem is huge and ugly in our society. The loneliness and isolation is so, so painful. And doctors act like we all have a large and devoted family to care for us.

My heart goes out to you, Macd.

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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 04:45 PM
  #5
Sorry for your situation and I don't have any suggestions or advice to give you. However, I feel like this thread is right up my alley right now.

I have a medical concern for myself right now. I have some appointments within a couple of weeks for tests to see what is going on. I had prostate cancer surgery five years ago. Since after the surgery from back then and up to right now, there seems to be some trace of cancer(?) possibly. So that's why I'm going for these tests coming up.

At where I reside I only have just one friend. He's very old and has limits. I have acquaintances at work but I don't know if they could be of any help if I'm in the position that I can't help myself.

After I had the surgery five years ago, some people at the church I was going to volunteered food for me. That was nice but disappointing since the quality of the food was not healthy, it seemed. Plus no one at that church ever checked up on me to see how I was doing. My friend, at that time, had gone to Europe for three weeks just as I got home from the hospital.

Now the big issue is that I have a sister who lives 3000 miles from me. She told me I could move in with her. That's a good idea on paper, but I prefer not to do that. Her house is very chaotic and there's just too much going on that would be overwhelming for me, especially if I'm not well. It's a long story. I could reiterate if anyone wants me to.

I think that Emily had a very good idea on this.
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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 04:56 PM
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I think that Emily had a very good idea on this.
It doesn't seem to be an easy seller. There aren't any such sights. Though their is a site called stich that is for people over a certain age to make friends.

I have one year until I have to get a colonoscopy. I have no idea who I am going to ask to do it.

I suppose the best choice is to hire a nurse or something.

I have heard that if you ask someone at work they can get time under FMLA to take you so they might be inclined... but how can I work with someone who has done that?
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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 05:14 PM
  #7
Yep, it’s not a good thing to deal with. When doctors find out that I live on my own and do not have some one to be with afterwards they book me in for an overnight stay. I would prefer to be back in my own bed.
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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 05:21 PM
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My sister hired some kind of angels to sit with her for colonoscopy and to drive.....they do have services

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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 06:37 PM
  #9
The thing about hiring people though is that it requires money. Many seniors are living with very tight finances.

(btw, I hope a mod moves this thread to the Seniors board.)

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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 09:39 PM
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Sorry for your situation and I don't have any suggestions or advice to give you. However, I feel like this thread is right up my alley right now.

I have a medical concern for myself right now. I have some appointments within a couple of weeks for tests to see what is going on. I had prostate cancer surgery five years ago. Since after the surgery from back then and up to right now, there seems to be some trace of cancer(?) possibly. So that's why I'm going for these tests coming up.

At where I reside I only have just one friend. He's very old and has limits. I have acquaintances at work but I don't know if they could be of any help if I'm in the position that I can't help myself.

After I had the surgery five years ago, some people at the church I was going to volunteered food for me. That was nice but disappointing since the quality of the food was not healthy, it seemed. Plus no one at that church ever checked up on me to see how I was doing. My friend, at that time, had gone to Europe for three weeks just as I got home from the hospital.

Now the big issue is that I have a sister who lives 3000 miles from me. She told me I could move in with her. That's a good idea on paper, but I prefer not to do that. Her house is very chaotic and there's just too much going on that would be overwhelming for me, especially if I'm not well. It's a long story. I could reiterate if anyone wants me to.

I think that Emily had a very good idea on this.
Wow I didn’t mean to be such a Debbie downer - I’m really sad that this happens. The human condition is something I’ve struggled with forever - why so alone I ask.... never get an answer - thanks
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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 09:42 PM
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My sister hired some kind of angels to sit with her for colonoscopy and to drive.....they do have services
Yeah this is the way I’ll probably go - Assisting Angels are nurses for hire - not that cheap though but at least it’s something..... 👍
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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 10:11 PM
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No, you're not a debbie downer! The issue you've brought up is one most seniors have to cope with. The first way to change something is to bring it into the light. There's something in not being "the only one"...

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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 10:20 PM
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I am sorry. I know that it’s tough. Now come think of it even people with families and kids can be in the same situation. If my daughter flew home every time I had a medical procedure, she’d be broke and likely lose her job because of taking too much time off. Certainly I’d not expect her to fly to take me to colonoscopy. Not realistic. Not everyone has their family living next door. I’d say it’s good to have decent relationship with neighbors, coworkers and maybe couple of trusted friends (people from church or hobby group etc).
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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 10:25 PM
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This is a huge problem. When I lived in Austin tx, a huge city there was limited rides for seniors and most of the volunteers were seniors themselves. Thankfully my insurance had a service that gave rides to and from appointments. I moved back to my home state now where my daughter and several relatives live. So far tho I've only had one procedure that I needed a ride to. A huge change from when I was basicly alone and went to a spinal fusion with nobody there. Recovery was lonely.

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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 11:49 PM
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This is a huge problem. When I lived in Austin tx, a huge city there was limited rides for seniors and most of the volunteers were seniors themselves. Thankfully my insurance had a service that gave rides to and from appointments. I moved back to my home state now where my daughter and several relatives live. So far tho I've only had one procedure that I needed a ride to. A huge change from when I was basicly alone and went to a spinal fusion with nobody there. Recovery was lonely.
Recovery is the worst - especially if you can’t get around. I feel your pain.... 😇
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Default Feb 20, 2020 at 12:38 AM
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Gotta say it don’t get any easier. So my doctor wants me to do some medical tests - easy for him to say. I don’t really have anybody around that can take me to medical appointments or stay with me after - this is a problem as I get older. I know you’re saying hire somebody - definitely an option but still depressing. This just makes my inability to form relationships that much more devastating..... life rubs your nose in it once again.... Dealing with emotional stuff is a drag - throw in physical stuff and the fun really begins. Anyway I was just reflecting on my ridiculous situation once again - old habits die hard.... Gotta go feel sorry for myself some more!!!!!
I don't know where your from but try looking in your phone book for CIL "centers for Independent living" you can usually get very low cost or free PCAS if your elderly or disabled , they are there to help you live in your home and community .
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Unhappy Feb 20, 2020 at 02:32 PM
  #17
I can relate, as I don't have anyone to take me to appointments either. At the moment I don't need anything, but I constantly worry about "what if____?"

I'm stuck in all kinds of Catch 22's, as I'm not "old enough" for many senior services or don't qualify otherwise.

There's a non-profit that offers members things like rides to the doctor, help around the house, friendly visit, etc. but it's expensive. About $500 a year or something, which is roughly $50 a month. That's too much for a lot of people. The people who do these things are volunteers. Wonderful thing they are doing, but it's not for low-income people due to the cost.

It seems you have to pay to even have company in this country.

I also hate how doctors or hospitals expect one to have SOMEBODY to care about you or pick you up after surgery. They just can't accept the FACT that some people don't have any family or friends, even a neighbor. I have a couple of friends, but neither of them can drive.

Here they won't even do a procedure unless you can prove someone will pick you up. They won't let you take a cab. I don't know about Uber---I don't use that.

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Alone, old and Medical procedures

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Alone, old and Medical procedures

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Default Feb 20, 2020 at 02:46 PM
  #18
It is sad. I have a husband who is very good about helping--and friends--and a very loving church, but not everybody does. Helping people who are alone could be a great ministry--maybe even some younger person starting a company with very reasonable rates to carry people to appointments and stay with them.
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Default Feb 20, 2020 at 06:40 PM
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[I also hate how doctors or hospitals expect one to have SOMEBODY to care about you or pick you up after surgery. They just can't accept the FACT that some people don't have any family or friends, even a neighbor. I have a couple of friends, but neither of them can drive.
I completely agree. It disgusts me. What is next... I should bring my own bandages and surgical tools from home?

I also think that if you DO need to pay a stranger to take you home and be with you, your insurance needs to pay for that too.

I also find it strange that there is no non profit for this. There seems to be a non profit for everything but not this.

Maybe some of us should write our elected officials -- they seem to respond to everyone else.
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Default Feb 20, 2020 at 11:23 PM
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I completely agree. It disgusts me. What is next... I should bring my own bandages and surgical tools from home?


I also think that if you DO need to pay a stranger to take you home and be with you, your insurance needs to pay for that too.


I also find it strange that there is no non profit for this. There seems to be a non profit for everything but not this.


Maybe some of us should write our elected officials -- they seem to respond to everyone else.
It's the whole cost shifting hospitals are doing ,you get forced to have someone transport you and monitor you for complications , if the surgery is so safe why I fo I need somebody to make sure I don't die ,we used to nurses in hospitals for that? Bring your own surgical kit ,I love it ,and they call me cynical ! It makes as much sense as down south you can hitbthe drive thru cocktail place for a big gulp sized rum and coke or your favorite alcohol ,and somehow because they put masking tape on the straw gole it's legal and they aren't resposable if you drink and drive ,masking tape wouldn't keep a kindergartners pasta collage hanging on the fridge ,but it will keep you from drinking and driving? I don't think so ,surgery isn't any safer or less expensive but hospitals are sticking us with the costs of care ,instead of getting underpaid by health insurances, they make it our problem .
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