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Old 02-24-2019, 06:04 PM #11
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My 22 year old son just invited me to spend my 60th birthday with him and his girlfriend. I may just take him up on it. I haven't seen him since August.

My 25 year old son went with me to Utah this weekend and did most of the driving.

I am very fortunate that my kids like to spend time with me.
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Old 02-24-2019, 08:08 PM #12
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How nice, Monticello!
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Old 02-24-2019, 08:21 PM #13
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That is nice. I'm fortunate that way too. Life was so rocky when my daughter was young and I was so unstable, then she went though a rocky teen and young adulthood. Things are so much better now.
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Old 02-25-2019, 05:02 AM #14
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Monticello and Nammu - how amazing that you have found your way through parenting to good relationships with your children !!
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Old 02-25-2019, 05:36 PM #15
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I think it's nice to have a healthy, more adult relationship with our adult children. I have learned through my mother's example that adult children (such as I) don't appreciate being infantilized and criticized and given advice. Some women and perhaps men just can't seem to give up the parenting role.
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Old 03-05-2019, 10:02 AM #16
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One of my sons has invited my husband and me to come to visit this summer and also to come to his place at Thanksgiving when my other son will be there. Yay!
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Old 03-05-2019, 10:55 AM #17
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Oh that's good news!
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Old 03-06-2019, 02:08 AM #18
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Very cool! Wishing you all a lovely summer and Thanksgiving!
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Old 03-07-2019, 02:43 AM #19
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Ok venting.

Jeeze.. the daughter who ran away last year when she turned 18 and got involved in drugs and alcohol- Becca?- well she just turned 19 and has started her 8th job in a year and a half. She was working at a convenience store and it was all " I love my job, I love my coworkers.." She got sick quite a bit and had doctor's notes but doesn't seem to understand that absences are absences..you still screw your coworkers over by calling out. In her mind the note absolved her. I believe they threatened to fire her so like usual- she quit. She managed to find another job without much lapse due to a friend and started that on Tuesday. Its in hospitality- front desk for a hotel so she thinks it has potential for growth. In a conversation she reiterated how school sucks and she will never go to college. I do not care if she decides she wants to be a professional pooper scooper- whatever as long as she can support herself.

March 23 2018 is when she ran away, and she said last week.." In a few weeks I will have been on my own for a year". I wanted to shake her.. on your own? Living in a party house, then rehab (our insurance), rehab housing with IOP (our insurance), Oxford house (we helped a little sometimes for rent or essentials), and now this new recovery house. We help out with little things like gas and we let her have the car back that she used when she lived at home about three months ago to get to work. Its our fourth car and its really old and we see now that she can not live with us- and if she can't work and pay rent... guess which doorstep she will end up on?

Tough love sucks. When she left we found her in 4 days and towed away the car, shut off her phone, changed the security code to the house. We wanted to make her as uncomfortable as possible. You want to be on your own? Fine, here is reality. When she showed up on her knees (literally) in May we fed her and took her right to the hospital in hopes of her agreeing to rehab. We did not give her anything- if she wanted to be on her own so be it.

We did all the stuff I have told AA women I sponsor to do with their addicted loved ones so as not to enable. But damn it hurts to see her so lost, looking for her identity- identifying with how she feels yet guarding my heart. When she left I thought I would die. There was nothing I could do due to her age..and everyday I got the automatic calls from the high school telling me she was absent...missed her prom and graduation..It was legit trauma and part of the reason I restarted therapy. I am having such an issue relating to her and am so afraid of hurting like that again there is this wall up. Combine that with the trauma of my son's stroke and I am a hot mess sometimes. I hope I did/am doing the right thing.
Thanks for listening.
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Old 03-07-2019, 09:27 AM #20
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Default Re: Dealing with adult children

What a sad situation, sarah. I can imagine how much Tough Love would hurt us as parents. You sound like you are doing your best with her.
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