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Old 03-07-2019, 10:03 AM #21
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Being expected to support myself financially from a young age stood me in good stead. Some stuff from my childhood sucked, but I - um - read your "you want to be on your own, so this is reality" paragraph with relief. It seems to me that huge numbers of parents make their children dependent on constant subsidies rather than the occasional helping hand for a project: and those kids take forward a dangerous sense of entitlement and unkindness towards the world.

My best friend who was a recovering alcoholic and the most wonderful person who I've ever met - she always "got" boundaries yet her reaction under pressure was always to smash them up - until, much later through much therapy, she arrive at a different awareness of herself. I marvelled at her humanity but also was used to anticipating the boundary-smashing phase until she fought through it.

I would be a terrible parent - a raging insomniac and too reclusive - but I think what you are doing is a gift to your daughter and you know that - but sometimes emotional learning is exhausting.

You are doing so well to hang on to your own recovery - high five and respect for your perseverance and courage. Can you, somehow, shower the kindness and love on yourself right now. Your struggle is worth something (not sure if what I've written makes sense).
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Old 03-07-2019, 12:02 PM #22
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My daughter was using in high school too....I was so glad she was able to graduate with her class. But the years following were very hard. She ended up arrested for dui and the desicion was made to not bail her out. She says now that was a real eye opener. She made a deal to go to treatment. Her early twenties were hard years. But we got though then and she's been with her SO for 12 years now and they have two kids, a house, two cars, a dog and a cat.
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Old 04-27-2019, 06:45 AM #23
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My son lives closer than my daughter, but he doesn't communicate often...and always by texting. I know that his life is super-busy, and I love his wife as if she is my own daughter. My daughter lives 2000 miles away with my only grandchild and her husband. Again, her life is super-busy with work, husband, new child and life...... I raised them by myself after my divorce. I never remarried. I think that they think I can still do everything like I always did for all of their life. I can't, but they don't want to accept that either.
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