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Default Jan 08, 2019 at 12:14 PM
  #1
What are your experiences with your adult children? One of mine calls me often and I never hear from the other one. I am learning not to give them advice, even though it's hard not to!
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Default Jan 09, 2019 at 07:53 AM
  #2
My son is a young adult still in college and we have a good relationship. We have been dealing with something traumatic in that he had a stroke in Nov. The scariest thing I have ever seen. We got him to the ER in 10 minutes so the damage is minimal. It turned out he had a hole in his heart that was repaired. He is in OT and speech now and due to make a full recovery and go back to school, living in his apartment soon. My middle daughter turned 18 last February and by March she had run away and shacked up with some wild girls and their mom where drugs and alcohol were allowed. Needless to say she showed up on Mother's day and we took her to the hospital where she went inpatient and then rehab. Now she is living in sober housing barely able to make it. She missed prom and graduation although the school let her finish her work and graduate in December. I can feel the regret she lives with each day, knowing she only has herself to blame.

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Default Jan 09, 2019 at 10:00 AM
  #3
So glad your son got to the hospital in time and that your daughter got treatment. Tough things to deal with, I'm sure.

What's hard is that we do need to let them deal with the consequences of what they get themselves into.
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Default Feb 02, 2019 at 11:18 PM
  #4
I have two sons, 25 and 22. They keep leaving and coming back depending on school, jobs and so on. This is OK but I go through empty nest syndrome every time one of them leaves.
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Default Feb 02, 2019 at 11:59 PM
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My one son lived with us while he waited to go into boot camp and then while he got his Master's. Now both sons live out of state and only visit at Christmas.
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Default Feb 10, 2019 at 12:38 AM
  #6
I recently moved back to the same state and my daughter is so happy about that. We are in constant touch and I babysit when the weather allows. She went though a turbulent time with bipolar So we have a lot in common. I recently gave in a bought a cell phone so we can text. I do get lots of great photos of the grandkids tho!

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Default Feb 11, 2019 at 11:01 AM
  #7
My incommunative (new word, since I don't know how to spell) son called the other evening and we talked a good while. He called this morning to say a dog ran out in front of his car and the car was damaged. The car is still in our name, but he makes the payments to us. He's planning on selling it soon.

My other son called again last night. He calls frequently. We talk for a least an hour usually, sometimes more. He often asks for advice.

It's good to hear from them when the news isn't bad.
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Default Feb 11, 2019 at 01:03 PM
  #8
Haven't heard from my daughter in a few days. She has two kids and is going back to school plus has her marriage. I know everything is going well when I don't hear from her.

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Default Feb 18, 2019 at 10:13 AM
  #9
My daughter won't talk on the phone so we text to communicate.

We live 1100 miles apart so with no money in either of our lives we don't visit at all.....but we do keep each other informed of the big things happening in life.

Sometimes life just is what it is.

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Default Feb 18, 2019 at 06:10 PM
  #10
Firstborn son is planning on visiting us in late March/early April. We are going to celebrate his 28th birthday.
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Default Feb 24, 2019 at 07:04 PM
  #11
My 22 year old son just invited me to spend my 60th birthday with him and his girlfriend. I may just take him up on it. I haven't seen him since August.

My 25 year old son went with me to Utah this weekend and did most of the driving.

I am very fortunate that my kids like to spend time with me.
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Default Feb 24, 2019 at 09:08 PM
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How nice, Monticello!
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Default Feb 24, 2019 at 09:21 PM
  #13
That is nice. I'm fortunate that way too. Life was so rocky when my daughter was young and I was so unstable, then she went though a rocky teen and young adulthood. Things are so much better now.

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Default Feb 25, 2019 at 06:02 AM
  #14
Monticello and Nammu - how amazing that you have found your way through parenting to good relationships with your children !!

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Default Feb 25, 2019 at 06:36 PM
  #15
I think it's nice to have a healthy, more adult relationship with our adult children. I have learned through my mother's example that adult children (such as I) don't appreciate being infantilized and criticized and given advice. Some women and perhaps men just can't seem to give up the parenting role.
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Default Mar 05, 2019 at 11:02 AM
  #16
One of my sons has invited my husband and me to come to visit this summer and also to come to his place at Thanksgiving when my other son will be there. Yay!
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Default Mar 05, 2019 at 11:55 AM
  #17
Oh that's good news!

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Default Mar 06, 2019 at 03:08 AM
  #18
Very cool! Wishing you all a lovely summer and Thanksgiving!

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Default Mar 07, 2019 at 03:43 AM
  #19
Ok venting.

Jeeze.. the daughter who ran away last year when she turned 18 and got involved in drugs and alcohol- Becca?- well she just turned 19 and has started her 8th job in a year and a half. She was working at a convenience store and it was all " I love my job, I love my coworkers.." She got sick quite a bit and had doctor's notes but doesn't seem to understand that absences are absences..you still screw your coworkers over by calling out. In her mind the note absolved her. I believe they threatened to fire her so like usual- she quit. She managed to find another job without much lapse due to a friend and started that on Tuesday. Its in hospitality- front desk for a hotel so she thinks it has potential for growth. In a conversation she reiterated how school sucks and she will never go to college. I do not care if she decides she wants to be a professional pooper scooper- whatever as long as she can support herself.

March 23 2018 is when she ran away, and she said last week.." In a few weeks I will have been on my own for a year". I wanted to shake her.. on your own? Living in a party house, then rehab (our insurance), rehab housing with IOP (our insurance), Oxford house (we helped a little sometimes for rent or essentials), and now this new recovery house. We help out with little things like gas and we let her have the car back that she used when she lived at home about three months ago to get to work. Its our fourth car and its really old and we see now that she can not live with us- and if she can't work and pay rent... guess which doorstep she will end up on?

Tough love sucks. When she left we found her in 4 days and towed away the car, shut off her phone, changed the security code to the house. We wanted to make her as uncomfortable as possible. You want to be on your own? Fine, here is reality. When she showed up on her knees (literally) in May we fed her and took her right to the hospital in hopes of her agreeing to rehab. We did not give her anything- if she wanted to be on her own so be it.

We did all the stuff I have told AA women I sponsor to do with their addicted loved ones so as not to enable. But damn it hurts to see her so lost, looking for her identity- identifying with how she feels yet guarding my heart. When she left I thought I would die. There was nothing I could do due to her age..and everyday I got the automatic calls from the high school telling me she was absent...missed her prom and graduation..It was legit trauma and part of the reason I restarted therapy. I am having such an issue relating to her and am so afraid of hurting like that again there is this wall up. Combine that with the trauma of my son's stroke and I am a hot mess sometimes. I hope I did/am doing the right thing.
Thanks for listening.

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Default Mar 07, 2019 at 10:27 AM
  #20
What a sad situation, sarah. I can imagine how much Tough Love would hurt us as parents. You sound like you are doing your best with her.
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