advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-24-2019, 03:36 AM   #11
Gfofaddict
Junior Member
Gfofaddict has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Covington ga
Posts: 21
13 hugs
given
Default Re: Mother adult son relationship, help me understand

I do have my daughters who live near me. I have 5 sisters and my mom and long time friends from high school,but right now donít live near them. Trying to make new friends where Iím living but so far no luck. But I am working on it!
Gfofaddict is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:

advertisement
Old 11-24-2019, 03:19 PM   #12
Mendingmysoul
Member
 
Mendingmysoul's Avatar
Mendingmysoul has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 241 (SuperPoster!)
504 hugs
given
Default Re: Mother adult son relationship, help me understand

Oh,wow,the sister enmeshment is already happening.Oh my,I am so sorry dear.Keep yourself busy and find some pleasurable activities for yourself.Please be prepared as I think he may not wish to come out of the enmeshment.My relative has given up and turned to spirituality for her solace.Hugs to you.
Mendingmysoul is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 11-25-2019, 12:25 PM   #13
BethRags
Poohbah
 
BethRags's Avatar
BethRags is learning to find beauty in leafless trees.
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown California
Posts: 1,202 (SuperPoster!)
1,054 hugs
given
Default Re: Mother adult son relationship, help me understand

My husband always put his birth family before me and our children. Always. I tagged along to his family's holiday gatherings for decades, until I finally couldn't face going anymore. So I spent the holidays alone.


After his parents died he began to worship his older sister. She is in charge of our finances now (I'm serious, we have to answer to her as if we are children). No one in his family holds holiday get-togethers anymore and our kids are usually traveling. My husband and I go to dinner on T-giving and Christmas. And that is it. The rest of the time...movies, whatever else, I am alone. Isolated, lonely, and cheated out of a healthy marriage is how I feel.
__________________
-Beth

dx: bipolar 1 disorder; c-ptsd



BethRags is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 11-25-2019, 01:21 PM   #14
Mendingmysoul
Member
 
Mendingmysoul's Avatar
Mendingmysoul has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 241 (SuperPoster!)
504 hugs
given
Default Re: Mother adult son relationship, help me understand

So sorry to hear that, Bethrags.
Mendingmysoul is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 11-25-2019, 10:30 PM   #15
Gfofaddict
Junior Member
Gfofaddict has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Covington ga
Posts: 21
13 hugs
given
Default Re: Mother adult son relationship, help me understand

Sorry to hear that Bethrags. Iíve always been sad my bf didnít want yo get married but after hearing stories like yours and others and reading more about enmeshment Iím slowly realizing Iím actually lucky I didnít get married to him since it sounds like a situation that would probably never get better, most likely worse!
Gfofaddict is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 11-26-2019, 12:21 AM   #16
BethRags
Poohbah
 
BethRags's Avatar
BethRags is learning to find beauty in leafless trees.
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown California
Posts: 1,202 (SuperPoster!)
1,054 hugs
given
Default Re: Mother adult son relationship, help me understand

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gfofaddict View Post
Sorry to hear that Bethrags. Iíve always been sad my bf didnít want yo get married but after hearing stories like yours and others and reading more about enmeshment Iím slowly realizing Iím actually lucky I didnít get married to him since it sounds like a situation that would probably never get better, most likely worse!

I don't know what the situation is with many men and birth-family enmeshment is. My husband feels that he had the ideal childhood because his parents always told him he did. He has never has been willing to "leave home" and create his own, adult family unit. I mean, he loves our now-adult children, but he definitely never committed to me and the kids in a mature way. It was always his family first. I finally gave up and accepted that it is what it is.
__________________
-Beth

dx: bipolar 1 disorder; c-ptsd



BethRags is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 11-26-2019, 02:08 PM   #17
Mendingmysoul
Member
 
Mendingmysoul's Avatar
Mendingmysoul has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 241 (SuperPoster!)
504 hugs
given
Default Re: Mother adult son relationship, help me understand

I don't want to scare you or sound bitter ,but I read somewhere these men only get into relationship or get married for the only thing they can't get from the enmeshed females from family of origin that is S*X.As heartbreaking as it sounds it is the fact.For women stuck in these kinds of relationships acceptance is the key if wanted to be part of it.If you accept as is ,suffering is less.Best is to not get into such relationship though.
Mendingmysoul is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 11-27-2019, 01:43 AM   #18
Gfofaddict
Junior Member
Gfofaddict has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Covington ga
Posts: 21
13 hugs
given
Default Re: Mother adult son relationship, help me understand

In my reading, and in my experience, enmeshed men actually donít have a girlfriend or wife for sex. The reason is that one of the emotional results of the enmeshment is that the man feels suffocated or engulfed when in a romantic relationship and develop an avoidant attachment style. At first when the love is new they are fine with Sex,but when the relationship starts feeling too close and committed and they start feeling suffocated they get anxious and pull away. This is because of the relationship with mom feeling like they are responsible for her happiness and emotions etc and while they feel they ď have ď to do this and are responsible for it they also realize they are so close they canít think of themselves so feel engulfed. Since they canít break away from mom emotionally they canít handle another woman needing so much from them too so they tend to not get close, truly bond or attach and withdrawing from sexual intimacy is one way to make sure they donít get or feel too close.
Gfofaddict is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 11-30-2019, 03:40 PM   #19
BethRags
Poohbah
 
BethRags's Avatar
BethRags is learning to find beauty in leafless trees.
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown California
Posts: 1,202 (SuperPoster!)
1,054 hugs
given
Default Re: Mother adult son relationship, help me understand

My husband is a lot older than I am. He was more than delighted to meet a sweet, pretty 18 year old girl to caretake him like his mommy did (which is exactly what I did). Sex was a bonus, hey!

One of the main reasons I'm in therapy is to learn how to set healthy boundaries with a man I have always been there for, for 30-plus years - and who almost never meets my emotional needs. He just expects me to be his mama until the day one of us dies. I am thoroughly disgusted with the situation.
__________________
-Beth

dx: bipolar 1 disorder; c-ptsd




Last edited by BethRags; 11-30-2019 at 07:36 PM..
BethRags is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:53 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.