Not sure if I'm addicted to sex, but I definitely can't stop thinking about it

Hey folks

I'm in desperate need of talking this out with like-minded folks going through the same/similar problems.

Here's a little backstory (apologies for a tonne of info here, and I'll probably miss things):

I've been with my Gf for over 3 years now and I'm very happy with the relationship - I've never been happy with anyone like I am with her and everything is perfect... except when it comes to sex. When we have sex, it's great, and while I'd like to do more things in bed than just straight sex the same way each time (or slightly varied), I understand that she has some back problems and can't do a lot of extra stuff. It doesn't help that I'm overweight, either (with the pain).

I have what seems like an insane sex drive. I cannot stop thinking about it and would be able to climax multiple times a day if given the opportunity. I can go without sex for a day or so, but then I start to get irritable, think things are wrong, and generally just act mopey and such. I don't know what to do since I don't know what else to think about and distractions only last for so long and the thoughts keep creeping in.

I know we're okay, and we've had multiple talks about this: she just doesn't have the same drive, and she's in pain a lot, but also that she feels pressure.

It's largely about pressure she says, like she feels it's expected. I've countered that of course it's expected, in the sense that we're in a romantic relationship and it's going to happen, but she doesn't buy that and still feels pressured. I've tried my best to go without saying something and nothing works. Either I "ask" for it, or I make comments about how horny I am or I'm just "working through things" so that either way she knows I'm thinking about it. From her end, all she thinks is that I'm thinking about nothing but sex. And she's not entirely wrong.

But from my end, it doesn't look like she's not thinking about it at all. And she's said as much: she doesn't "think" about it, but feels it. So lord knows when we're ever going to have sex again. We've tried a few things and we're trying to help with the pressure aspect by me not asking and her saying she wants it.

If it were up to her I'm sure we'd probably only have sex 1 time per week or less... to me that's border line unacceptable. I want it every day, sometimes more than that, and I'm okay with every other day, but it's very, very hard for me to be patient with this.

It sucks because EVERYTHING ELSE is perfect and I don't want to end a relationship because of sex, especially since she's had many family members abandon her due to leaving her old religion, and other friends who've done the same. How much of an asshole would I be if I left her because of sex when everything else is perfect?

I am not a cheater and I think masturbating as much as I do is detrimental to my progress of patience, so I'm at my wits end and think I'm going crazy sometimes because I can't just let it go.

The funny part is that if I were single I wouldn't be this way. I was also in a 13 relationship with my ex-wife where I went for periods without sex that spanned weeks, mostly out of necessity due to medical problems... so I know I can do it, wtf is my problem!

Any advice or insight you can give would be appreciated. I can add more to the story if necessary.

Thanks so much!

Uvee.

It sounds like the communication between both of you is good!

I think you will both need to find a compromise, as is the case in most long-term relationships. Hopefully, since the relationship is otherwise great, you can settle into a reasonable compromise.

If you think you might be addicted to sex, please talk with a professional -- a therapist, a doctor, etc.

Best Wishes,
WC

You have to negotiate how many times a week you'll have sex. She also should consider seeing a chiropractor for her back, they are miracle workers. My neck was injured in an auto accident I could barely turn my head, now I'm able to move freely without pain. All because of a few sessions with a chiropractor. I really recommend them even have to my MD who had a back injury. He said you know I'm an MD, I said they studied the spine, they can help. When I saw him for a follow up he smiled, he did go to one and was happy he did so.

Might be worth seeing someone who specializes in sex addiction and find out if that is truly the problem so you know what you're dealing with.

When someone thinks about something or does something with so much focus, with so much intensity, it can become unhealthy. It doesn't mean addiction, but it means something has gone too far. A person can become addicted to anything; gambling, sex, drugs, alcohol, trading cards, whatever.... Or they can just do it to a point that it is a little too focused.

All things that give us pleasure release chemicals in our brain, chemicals that make us feel good, safe, happy. I have often thought that anyone with a "too strong" focus on something, or an addiction, are just self-medicating.

There are over the counter supplements that won't take away your sex drive, but that will just help a person chill, focus, connect and feel good without having to self medicate with sex all the time.

5HTP will boost serotonin, and to some degree oxytocin, which helps you just chill out and feel connected to people close to you.

Valerian Root acts much like GABA, so it also relaxes you and also kind of makes you feel a little happier.

L-DOPA boosts dopamine. Dopamine is the reward chemical in your brain. It's like your brain giving you a star for finding something to eat when you're hungry or getting sex when you're horny... your brain goes "YAAAAAY! you did it!" If your brain doesn't make enough dopamine, then you pursue sex or food more, because you want that reward. So a person like that fixates on those things more.

Just some ideas. If this is a real problem maybe you want to try something like this, one at a time, and see how you feel after a couple of weeks.

Hey, if you are chill, connected, focused, and in a good relationship, there will be more sex anyway.



RDM

Wow..... I am a 24 year old happily married female. My husband satisfies me just fine and we spice things up in the bedroom from time to time, but I am not getting NEARLY as much as I crave. But wow, when I was reading your post, I thought I wrote it for a second lol. We are very like minded, the sex, once a week, unacceptable, yeah I feel you. Heck I could have sex once every 10 minutes and still need more. And I when I don't have it I get moody as well, and there are times I definitely feel like an ***.... I guess what I'm saying is It's just nice to see there are others out in the world who understand the struggle. Cus it IS real.