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Old 04-16-2019, 04:28 PM #1
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Confused Husband Belly Expansion Fetish

Hello,

I am quite desperate and confused which is why I have come here to seek advice. I recently discovered that my husband has (what I think is) a belly expansion fetish. His porn searches include belly expansion, bbw expansion, weight gain, bbw trying on tight clothes, and similar topics. He doesnít know I have seen these and I am not sure whether or not to tell him I have.

At the same time, he is slowly but surely encouraging me to gain weight. The comments started a few months ago and heís gaining more confidence in what he tells me to do. It started with, I love your curves. Then, eat a spoonful of peanut butter to make your *** bigger. Then eventually he asked me to eat a whole carton of ice cream. A few days later, he bought me a dozen donuts and challenged me to eat them all. He clearly wants me to gain weight.

On the one hand, I want to please him and gain weight, but on the other hand I feel like this is all unhealthy. I have gained some weight and in some ways I like it, but in other ways I feel like Iím being judged by friends and family and I look like Iím ďletting goĒ. I have always been in great shape and had an athletic body. Now I am definitely chubbier than I have ever been. He loooooves it. He loves to see me gain weight and try on tight clothes. He gets extremely turned on which subsequently turns me on.

What confuses me most is his belly expansion porn viewing. Where does this come from? Will I ever truly satisfy him with my minor weight gain compared to the massive weight gain he watches in porn? How do I confront him about this without embarrassing him?!

Please share your experiences with this from any perspective. I want to understand this belly expansion fetish because i just donít get it.
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Old 04-17-2019, 01:10 PM #2
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Hello Earthmama: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post here. So... welcome to Psych Central. One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the relationships & communication forum. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...communication/

I'm afraid what you are dealing with is something I'm not familiar with. So I can't be of any help with regard to it. Hopefully there will be other PC members who will have some insights & / or suggestions they can offer. In the meantime, however, here's a link to the "Sex and Intimacy in the Digital Age" blog here on PC. There are quite a few articles in this blog that deal with the issue of internet porn:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...communication/

Personally, I don't know if there is any way of bringing this situation up with your husband without causing him embarrassment. However there are ways of helping to ensure you're communicating effectively. Here are links to 2 articles, again from PC's archives, that offer advice for communicating effectively in relationships:

Conscious Communication, 1 of 2: Eight Attributes of Conscious-Talking

Conscious Communication, 2 of 2: Five Attributes of Conscious-Listening

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Old 04-17-2019, 02:49 PM #3
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Default Re: Husband Belly Expansion Fetish

Thank you for your reply!
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Old 04-17-2019, 08:11 PM #4
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Default Re: Husband Belly Expansion Fetish

Quote:
Originally Posted by Earthmama View Post
Hello,

I am quite desperate and confused which is why I have come here to seek advice. I recently discovered that my husband has (what I think is) a belly expansion fetish. His porn searches include belly expansion, bbw expansion, weight gain, bbw trying on tight clothes, and similar topics. He doesnít know I have seen these and I am not sure whether or not to tell him I have.

At the same time, he is slowly but surely encouraging me to gain weight. The comments started a few months ago and heís gaining more confidence in what he tells me to do. It started with, I love your curves. Then, eat a spoonful of peanut butter to make your *** bigger. Then eventually he asked me to eat a whole carton of ice cream. A few days later, he bought me a dozen donuts and challenged me to eat them all. He clearly wants me to gain weight.

On the one hand, I want to please him and gain weight, but on the other hand I feel like this is all unhealthy. I have gained some weight and in some ways I like it, but in other ways I feel like Iím being judged by friends and family and I look like Iím ďletting goĒ. I have always been in great shape and had an athletic body. Now I am definitely chubbier than I have ever been. He loooooves it. He loves to see me gain weight and try on tight clothes. He gets extremely turned on which subsequently turns me on.

What confuses me most is his belly expansion porn viewing. Where does this come from? Will I ever truly satisfy him with my minor weight gain compared to the massive weight gain he watches in porn? How do I confront him about this without embarrassing him?!

Please share your experiences with this from any perspective. I want to understand this belly expansion fetish because i just donít get it.
Sounds like he's a chubby chaser. He's obviously not the only one, since there are so many videos online just for that. There's no explanation for it, he just likes what he likes. It's the same with people with foot fetishes or whatever. The point is he's very attracted to you and loves you, and you get to chow down on delicious food while your sex life gets better. Seems like a win-win to me!

The women he's seeing in porn aren't real, and you shouldn't feel the need to compete with them. The same goes for women who find their husbands watching porn videos featuring blonde bombshells with humongous boobs and tons of collagen in their faces. It's just a fantasy and he's not comparing you to them.

As far as confronting him about the porn, there is no right way to do it without embarrassing him, so I would ignore it. As far as the fetish goes, maybe you can just ask him why he's into you being a lot curvier lately compared to before. You said that you had an athletic body when you met him and he was obviously into that. Ask him what changed?
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Old 04-19-2019, 08:15 AM #5
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Default Re: Husband Belly Expansion Fetish

Thank you for your reply. I think you are right not bring up the porn; it wonít really accomplish anything. And maybe I should try to enjoy this a little more than worrying so much about it!

When I have asked him about my thinner body when we met, he said he has always loved my body and I will look good no matter what. Though that it is flattering and I somewhat believe him, the influence from him to gain weight is gradually getting stronger. I guess I worry when the line could be crossed, and what that line is.
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Old 04-20-2019, 12:04 AM #6
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Default Re: Husband Belly Expansion Fetish

Hello Earthmama,

Thank you for sharing your truth here. I encourage you to trust your initial instinct. This is unhealthy. I learned about this phenomenon a while ago through a reference on TV and did some research. I believe the slang term for men who engage with a partner the way your husband is would be "feeder." The dynamic is that the man encourages the woman to eat more and more while watching her grow to obese levels. This is not a simple appreciation of curves; it stems from an unhealthy need to control and dominate. In some cases, the men enjoy seeing the women get to the point where they have difficulty getting out of a chair or moving independently due to the obesity.

You said you had an athletic body. Unless you decided yourself that you'd like to have a curvier body, it is not appropriate for your husband to try to change your physique. It's one thing to ask a wife: "Would you wear your blue dress to dinner on Saturday, that's my favorite" but it is something entirely different to endeavor to change an "athletic" wife into an overweight wife. Aside from the physical health implications (higher cholesterol/increased risk of cerebrovascular disease from tubs of ice cream and boxes of doughnuts) if you submit to your husband's pressure here, you will be getting into a very unhealthy dynamic which is likely to continue becoming more extreme. Perhaps he is living with an addiction. How do you feel about your body being the medium for his addiction?

Think about how this came about. Did he sit down one day and ask: "you know I have a thing for curves....have you ever thought about filling out a little more?" (Though that would already be on the border of appropriate since loving someone means accepting their body as is but at least it would be an open and honest chat) Instead he is going about this in a rather underhanded manner....gradually trying to gain more and more control of your eating habits.

As for the porn searches, it is not okay to check a partner's private history on their computer. That's a boundary violation. I understand that you are feeling concerned but I encourage you to speak with your husband directly about your concerns about the obsession with weight gain (not the search history) rather than spying on his private actions.

The first step would be to tell him you are not comfortable with him trying to get you to gain weight. See how he responds. If he apologizes and never brings it up again, great! However, if he does not respond well....tries to shame you or refuses to discuss it or suggests that you are over-reacting, I recommend talking to an experienced therapist.

Trust me, I am very open about sex and I am well aware that men and women can have all sorts of sexual desires which are harmless. However, based on what you posted and what I learned about "feeders" I encourage you to step back and think about this...I think it's a serious problem. If your husband is a "feeder" I believe there is an element of abuse involved with his current actions toward you regarding your eating habits.

I hope you and your husband can have a good talk about this. Remember that there are therapists out there who are trained to deal with this sort of issue if you feel that you folks need that. Best wishes to you as you navigate this confusing issue.

Last edited by SilverTrees; 04-20-2019 at 12:33 AM.
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Old 04-21-2019, 11:16 PM #7
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Default Re: Husband Belly Expansion Fetish

Quote:
Originally Posted by Earthmama View Post
Thank you for your reply. I think you are right not bring up the porn; it wonít really accomplish anything. And maybe I should try to enjoy this a little more than worrying so much about it!

When I have asked him about my thinner body when we met, he said he has always loved my body and I will look good no matter what. Though that it is flattering and I somewhat believe him, the influence from him to gain weight is gradually getting stronger. I guess I worry when the line could be crossed, and what that line is.
If he's into you no matter what, then you shouldn't have to make yourself gain weight just to please him. Set boundaries on how much weight you're willing to gain. It's more important that you love the way you look and feel more than your husband.
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Old 04-21-2019, 11:46 PM #8
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your hubby trying to force you to be unattractive may be more jealousy driven than a fetish. do other men compliment you in front of your husband? you should stand tall and avoid this abuse. once you fattening up he will push for more liberties to change your self image and beliefs. this is a test of your self esteem and values. I am sure you would be uncomfortable asking him to lose weight for your enjoyment
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Old 04-22-2019, 08:00 AM #9
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Default Re: Husband Belly Expansion Fetish

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverTrees View Post
Hello Earthmama,

Thank you for sharing your truth here. I encourage you to trust your initial instinct. This is unhealthy. I learned about this phenomenon a while ago through a reference on TV and did some research. I believe the slang term for men who engage with a partner the way your husband is would be "feeder." The dynamic is that the man encourages the woman to eat more and more while watching her grow to obese levels. This is not a simple appreciation of curves; it stems from an unhealthy need to control and dominate. In some cases, the men enjoy seeing the women get to the point where they have difficulty getting out of a chair or moving independently due to the obesity.

You said you had an athletic body. Unless you decided yourself that you'd like to have a curvier body, it is not appropriate for your husband to try to change your physique. It's one thing to ask a wife: "Would you wear your blue dress to dinner on Saturday, that's my favorite" but it is something entirely different to endeavor to change an "athletic" wife into an overweight wife. Aside from the physical health implications (higher cholesterol/increased risk of cerebrovascular disease from tubs of ice cream and boxes of doughnuts) if you submit to your husband's pressure here, you will be getting into a very unhealthy dynamic which is likely to continue becoming more extreme. Perhaps he is living with an addiction. How do you feel about your body being the medium for his addiction?

Think about how this came about. Did he sit down one day and ask: "you know I have a thing for curves....have you ever thought about filling out a little more?" (Though that would already be on the border of appropriate since loving someone means accepting their body as is but at least it would be an open and honest chat) Instead he is going about this in a rather underhanded manner....gradually trying to gain more and more control of your eating habits.

As for the porn searches, it is not okay to check a partner's private history on their computer. That's a boundary violation. I understand that you are feeling concerned but I encourage you to speak with your husband directly about your concerns about the obsession with weight gain (not the search history) rather than spying on his private actions.

The first step would be to tell him you are not comfortable with him trying to get you to gain weight. See how he responds. If he apologizes and never brings it up again, great! However, if he does not respond well....tries to shame you or refuses to discuss it or suggests that you are over-reacting, I recommend talking to an experienced therapist.

Trust me, I am very open about sex and I am well aware that men and women can have all sorts of sexual desires which are harmless. However, based on what you posted and what I learned about "feeders" I encourage you to step back and think about this...I think it's a serious problem. If your husband is a "feeder" I believe there is an element of abuse involved with his current actions toward you regarding your eating habits.

I hope you and your husband can have a good talk about this. Remember that there are therapists out there who are trained to deal with this sort of issue if you feel that you folks need that. Best wishes to you as you navigate this confusing issue.

Thank you for your reply. These are good things to consider. I do find myself worrying that it is a form of abuse and control. My husband is very skinny and eats very little. He is a very picky eater and only eats for survival; very rarely for enjoyment. I wonder if and how that is connected to him watching women eat and gain weight in porn as well as wanting me to eat more than I need to and gain weight.

The worst part of it all is that I used to be so confident in myself. I managed to go through my entire teenage years without having self esteem issues or eating issues. Now I constantly worry if my body looks okay and if I should eat this or that. I see myself in photos and canít believe how chunky I am.

I think youíre right about stepping back and really considering this before moving forward. I have let him have a little fun with it and played along in his fantasy, but I canít keep up with this my whole life.

May I ask where you found your research about this? I have searched everywhere on the internet and canít seem to find more information on the topic. Thanks!!
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Old 04-22-2019, 08:21 AM #10
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Default Re: Husband Belly Expansion Fetish

Quote:
Originally Posted by bunnyhabit View Post
your hubby trying to force you to be unattractive may be more jealousy driven than a fetish. do other men compliment you in front of your husband? you should stand tall and avoid this abuse. once you fattening up he will push for more liberties to change your self image and beliefs. this is a test of your self esteem and values. I am sure you would be uncomfortable asking him to lose weight for your enjoyment
Thank you for your reply. I have wondered that myself. Is he making me fat so that I can appear less attractive to other men? Iím not sure this is the case because I know he is seriously turned on by thick women. It may go ever deeper, however, that the attraction is imbedded in the control aspect of making someone gain weight. I wonder if it is me being chubby that turns him on or if it is the act of making me gain weight that turns him on.
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